Friday, December 17, 2010

Giving of yourself

Can you really give of yourself?

No, I'm not talking about a gift that you go out and buy, wrap up, and hand over with warm fuzzy feelings.
Give of yourself.

You have to invest in the person you are giving to. Not with money but with your heart and sometimes your emotions.
This is true giving.

I picked her up at her house with the promise to drive her to a 'mediation' in the city. She was shaking like a leaf. The day was overcast, damp, dreary, gray skies threatened more snow. She commented that it was an ugly day.
I said, Perhaps it won't end up being so.

She looked like a bird that was cold and frightened. She'd never been through something like this before. She was afraid. Afraid of him. A person she'd been married to for a long time.
I'd seen 'him' sap the strength and confidence out of her all without even being in the same state. Today she would have to see him. She didn't want to speak to him.

I promised myself and her that I'd stand between her and him. I wouldn't speak a word, I'd just look at him. For some reason that seemed to comfort her.

I sat out in the waiting area while a short meeting went on between attorneys and the mediator, then they broke. I gave him a look as cold as I could from the depths of my heart.
He blinked. Then cast his eyes down and walked away.
Her attorney asked me to come into the room with the two of them.

None of what was being discussed was any of my business so I opened my laptop and began to work with graphic art and fractals.

At one point the attorney looked across the room and asked me a question about 'him'.

I said 'Vindictive Joy' is what he thrives on. I blinked, I wasn't even sure if what I said had made sense.

The attorney nodded and responded You nailed it.

The business was finished up. We were free to go.
HE was standing just outside the room we were in. She looked at me. I don't want to see him or talk to him...he's...he's doing it.

I nodded and smiled.
I walked out the door to collect our coats. He stood slightly in my way and my space. I looked him directly in the eyes, and slightly bumped him to get past him to the coats. His eyes widened. Not a word was spoken in that instant.
I turned my back on him and grabbed our coats.

I literally looked through him and walked past.

As we put on our coats her attorney came up to me and thanked me for being 'here' for her.
Would I come to court?

I would.

Not until I got home and sat down, did I realize how much I'd given of me, to help her.
She'd thanked me of course, and if asked, I'd do it again.

It was not much. But moral and emotional support is true giving.

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