A Shovel and a thought...

Shoveling 101.

There was only about 2 inches of snow to I just pushed it with the shovel out of the way. I sanded the spots that have ice underfoot. This is by the north side of the house. I didn't want to fire up the skid steer just for that. I don't like using it and I thought by taking the tracks off from it, it would be easier to operate.

It is but without the tracks AND the spikes it doesn't have the traction it used to have. I just can't win.

I pushed snow out of the way for vehicles to turn around. Keep in mind that I've had to call 911 for an ambulance many times over the years for my husband.

Actually the work kept my mind off from a few other things and I was able to sort of plan how I'd clear this spot with the skid steer after the major storm that is predicted to come in tomorrow through Saturday. I also had time to work out which elder mules would go inside tomorrow afternoon.

Charlie looks up the driveway towards the ridge.
My neighbor has taken over the plowing of the hill for us with his tractor.

I am very grateful that he comes down to my place and turns around. I am standing in the middle of my driveway for these shots. The hill to the south and the house to the north.

This winter I can park the Subaru in the large shed so the driveway and the north side of the house are clear for med deliveries and an emergency vehicle should we need one.

The flatter areas could easily be plowed out with a 4 wheeler or UTV. I'd like the Polaris Ranger as it has a dump box and I could use it for fence work, yard work, level plowing, moving dirt, gardening, and ... well, it is handier than the skid steer, and since it could replace both the skid steer AND the 4 wheeler....

....Still working on that idea. 

Anyway.

Update on MIL.

The nurse told me yesterday that Dr. Bassett has now decided that MIL has a viral infection. [I'm thinking viral pneumonia, but no official dx has been offered]. She still has CHF and Stage 3/[just points above stage 4] Kidney Failure. 

When I texted and called around to offer that up as an update, I got one odd comment back.

Oh that is a relief.

Um. What?

So this new revelation says to those who haven't seen her...that she is okay and it is just a cold type thing?

So now this development says to me that a common cold or virus is/can be deadly in her condition. But a collective sigh of relief?
She is still very sick, she is in the hospital still.

I imagine they will treat her and get her released back to the nursing home as soon as possible.
Which brings me to another sore point in my mind. The mentality of health care these days are get them just good enough to be released. So they can get another patient in.

I'll be headed into the hospital this morning after chores [it is -2 F with a wind chill of...pretty damned cold!]

Life and death and decisions...

Frightful weather!

Overnight it snowed again. More snow/drizzle stuff. I spent about an hour last night cleaning out certain areas with a shovel. I had everything exactly how I wanted it and then...
it snowed again...and drizzled.

I saw an electric snow shovel on another blog I follow and thought that was the cat's meow until I realized that I'd have to keep it plugged in and a cordless one would operate for 25 to 30 minutes.
I almost considered a snow blower but only for about 30 seconds when I saw all the instructions and gas mixing stuff.
Ok, not a choice for me.

I'm still thinking of a little plowing machine type 4 wheeler job. It would get all the flat areas I needed cleared and a tiny bit of shovel work would do the trick. IF there was a blizzard and a few feet of snow, well that is different sort of story.

The weather this morning is not good so I'm not going into town until it settles down. There is supposed to be an icy mix of 'stuff' moving through.

I spent the day at the hospital with my MIL again yesterday.
I discovered that I actually do have a heart in my body. I've been accused of being too unemotional in the past and I admit it. I usually don't let emotions get in the way of pragmatic thinking.
I put 'the job' in front of me first and don't get all emotional and upset as that doesn't help the thought process.
But yesterday I sat and watched the nurses and lab lady pull blood as MIL cried out and kept crying. I wondered exactly how on earth was modern medicine helping?

Congestive Heart Failure along with Kidney Disease progresses to organ malfunction, fluids in the lungs, and a rather long list of probable outcomes. Death is the last outcome and it is unavoidable.

MIL struggled hard for air and she literally sounded as if she were gurgling.

Two members of the family had been asking if they should come. One is further away and would require a flight.
They didn't ask me though as my reply would have been 'I am at a loss as to why you haven't already come before?'

So I struggled with being the only relative there and I was the daughter in law.

I fetched a warmed blanket after the gals had gone, a CNA said she could put it on MIL.
I said, "No! I'll do it. This way she can feel me tuck her in and put my arms around her. I'm family, it is much nicer to have a family member tuck you in than a stranger."
The CNA smiled and handed me the blanket.

And as I tucked my MIL in and she groaned with delight, I felt my heart fall to pieces.

I was grateful that there was no one else in the room to see my tears or feel my heartache. Me, the ever stoic person.

And I felt anger at the daughter who had said that she didn't want to see her mom until after she had passed because it was too stressful for her.
I thought of the opportunities that the family members had passed up in the last 8 months of seeing MIL happy, clean, well fed, and chipper at the nursing home. I thought of the funny things that MIL and I have been sharing. And I was very angry and then very sad.
And then I felt grateful that I had taken the time to be with her. That I had visited.

And then I thought how much I would miss her too.

I sat back to watch her fall into a much more comfortable sleep.

And before I left for the day I wondered this awful thing.
How we as a human race will let our pets pass on when they are so ill and in so much pain.
But we won't/can't let our chronically ill people go ...or just keep looking for treatments to prolong suffering?

I'm really not a cruel person. I just can't see going through momentous efforts that cause pain and only have the same result in the end.

I am so very glad that Rich and I put together Advanced Directives and Living Wills in place. I know my son will make sure that they are carried out if I am not able to implement them.

That's the way things go...

Beautiful Night Hike at Wildcat Mountain State Park:

The full moon was bright and clear once it came above the horizon.

Tiki Torches lit the trail which was a bit slick in spots from the ice storm. But it was worth it!

I took the above shot knowing that it would turn out pretty crappy, but in my mind's eye...

I saw this:

After all, the moon the trees, the reflections off the ice and snow where amazing and so beautiful!


I'd made some awesome creamed chicken soup from leftovers and so Sunday was just a lazy day of folding laundry and doing chores.

While I was doing chores the phone rang and Rich didn't pick it up as he didn't recognize the number. But he called me in...actually he went outside onto the porch and flagged me down!

The call was from the Guardian and his mother was being taken to the local ER, could I call the Guardian back? I was watching the water tank fill so I texted the Guardian.

MIL was suspected to have pneumonia could I notify my SIL? I texted sure and made the call. SIL calls back as I am getting my coat on.
"What's up? What's going on? How is she?..." you know the endless questions that one wants to ask.
I remind her that she is calling on the landline, so I am still at the house and not at the hospital. I suppose I should be used to her knee jerk reactions by now. So I tell her I will text her after I see her mother.

I do get to the hospital as the nurses are setting up IV antibiotics. Mom sounds tough and she rattles and has labored breathing. They have her on 02 but she is in good spirits and seems to be well aware of what is going on.
The nurses are vague as far as any diagnosis but do say that they are treating for suspected pneumonia. Blood tests reveal that there is an infection.
I help MIL eat a sandwhich and she loves the fresh fruit plate, dislikes the coffee, and dislikes the soda and states to the nurses that she will NOT drink water.
One of her IV's is for re-hydration of course.

I stay until she is settled and falls asleep.

I did inform SIL via text and she starts asking: Is this related to her legs?

I scratch my head. MIL is near stage IV kidney failure so has badly swollen legs but I'm not sure what the connection is except that MIL is not very healthy and has several medical issues going on all of the time. That is why she is a resident in the nursing home.

I text back: I don't know.
She texts back: I KNOW

I don't answer as I am perplexed as to how she knows everything. Besides, SIL rarely makes much sense.


At 6am this morning I start getting texts from SIL in Utah.
"How is the patient?"
She means well, but sometimes I think SIL has an alternate reality where I am her personal assistant from afar.
I text back: "It is 6am and I have to plow and do chores, take care of your brother...I am not at the hospital."
Her reply: "So when are you going to be there?"

I think about the things I'd like to say. But am pleasant in my reply:
"When I get there."
I wanted to say....If you are concerned, you can get there first.
Snarky as she moved to Utah and we are in Wisconsin.

But not Snarky because she told me that she did not want to care for her mother or visit her.

So there.
So please don't expect me to be extra kind to relatives that pretend to care so much but really don't.

That's the way things go...

Stuffs....

Do you remember how little Sven was???

He and Charlie were not that different in size!

Now 10 months later....

Wow!

Sven had an ear infection...I think. Lots of ear gunk for a while. Now he walks with his head tilted and his balance isn't as good as it could be. However his vitals are just fine and he seems normal.
His mom was sickly and his father had the same issues after he was a year old.
I wonder.

I guess I don't care because Sven is such a doll who has NO idea that he is a goat!

Here my hiking cohorts are when I took out the treats. Sven loves dog biscuits. Charlie prefers the bacon flavored ones. Go figure, I rattle the plastic bag and I am both of these guys' best-est pal!

Rich and his psychiatrist have 'new' rules for me. I am not to hover and watch over Rich reminding him to take his meds. I am to let go a bit of my 'mothering'. Rich feels well enough to express that and I have decided to stop being the major worry wort. His mood is much better and his health is tenuous still. But he is holding his own.

So there it is. I signed up for a Master Naturalist Class which starts in March on Monday nights. I am going hiking with my ex neighbor and two of her friends tonight for a candle light hike at Wildcat Mountain State Park. I have a 'date' to go trail running with a CrossFit pal next Tuesday afternoon.

This year feels different for me. New and exciting things are happening quickly.

I donated an Infrared Photo to OneEarthStudios for ArtShare Dare in Ohio. ONEarth Studios is run by my [ex] sister in law and her amazing family.
I had two folks from CrossFit  actually purchase some photos of mine!

Okay, I do not plan on becoming a pro. Phew. Nope, not me.

I've been asked to volunteer instruct kids for cross country skiing too! Smack my forehead! How fun could that be?

Kristi from CrossFit asked it I'd consider doing a trail race/run with her. Um. I am going to be 64 and she is 41. But she sure can be convincing.

I've always loved 'running' or jogging. Trail running? Well, if I had a pal to do it with...mayyybeee!
I looked at the map for the Tromp and Chomp and realized that I know the trails very well.

So watch out. I have 4 months to 'train'.

Yesterday, Charlie...Mr. Short Legs, ran through the hay fields and across country with me. I don't like road running anymore and besides, it was ice.
We did 3/4 of a mile before Charlie pooped out. I was not going to try and make his 3 inch legs go any longer than that so we walked the rest of our 'run'.

A mini doxxie is not really a distance runner. But, the important part is that we had so much fun!

I have not run any races or seriously done distances since I was 30. But yesterday I didn't feel tired, I felt like a kid running for joy.
I'm going to give a huge nod to my CrossFit workouts for the past year for this feeling.
I felt so alive and so free.

I haven't felt that in such a long time.

Stay tuned. I have a good feeling about this coming year.

Donated photo:

Iced

I was getting dressed to go outside and do chores when suddenly I heard a downpour of rain outside.

I stepped outside and watched as the rain hit the concrete blocks and the edge of the porch. Instant ice.
About 3 more rounds of rain hit in bursts and any thought of going anywhere was erased.

This is a picture of the yard. I couldn't believe it was so slippery. I made my way out to do chores and half way to the shed I decided that I was an idiot for not looking for my Yak Trax to slip on for traction.

The gravel driveway had turned to one big sheet of ice. So I decided not even to try going anywhere and hope that the town truck would come out eventually and perhaps it would warm enough to melt the ice.
The issue was, the driveway and ground were frozen and even if the temperatures warmed up, the ground would not.

I did the chores and slipped and slid back to the house. I dug out my Yak Trax and went back out to water Lil Richard.
He was still iced!

However, none of the equine were cold as they all were warm under their blankets of ice that had started to melt. Under the fluff, their skin was warm and dry.

Around 11 o'clock the town truck backed down our driveway spreading sand. I'd read on social media that highway 14 was closed due to a semi that couldn't get a grip on the road. There were other multiple incidents that made me feel good about my decision to stay home.

As the temperatures rose the top of the ice melted and made the ice on the lower part of the drive even worse. 

Nothing left to do after chores, breakfast, and dinner prep. So Charlie and I took a walk.

 Yak Trax

Charlie in the Meadow

When we came back up on the ridge, I was surprised at how warm the air was.

Everything had water on it...

But the moss was very cool...

At the end of the day the sun tried to break out as the temperatures began to dip again.

I don't like ice this way.
I really really don't.

Waiting...

I am not a person who can sit and wait all day for a delivery.  I don't like sitting and waiting IN the house all day.

So I decided to amuse myself with some 'artwork'.

Infrared photo digitally painted with an auto mode using an Impression Brush in Corel Paint Essentials 6.

I rather like how this turned out. I did spend time watching tutorials. The auto paint part is fun to watch and sometimes I get absolutely awful results, but not always.

This is not 'painted' but run through a DeepDreamGenerator on the internet. You pick an image or design and load one of your own photos and let the Artificial Intelligence 'machine' merge them with some interesting results. Is it true art? I don't have that answer.

However sometimes you take an image and run it through DDG and then layer a painted image over it and come up with something even more wild.

Sort of has a fantasy look to it!

Original below:

This was an Infrared shot from May of last spring.

6pm last night the delivery came through!
Sigh.
Well at least I used my quiet time [after doing housework and laundry] to be creative.

Mindful time

Sitting by the Creek

I hear the creek's waters
and look down through the reflections to watch
for signs of trout.
I see the sky and trees
instead.
I see the sandy bottom of the creek.
The patterns of the currents in the sand
and mud
that is crisscrossed by pieces of branches,
logs,
from a past flash flood.

I came here to think and to have some
quiet time. 
Sure that a revelation would pounce 
into my head.

Instead I am mesmerized
by reflections and 
patterns.

And I realize
this is
really what
I
came for.