I rarely remember dreams. Usually if I have a disturbing dream, I just wake up and know it was a dream.
However, I had the most realistic and terrifying dream the other night and it bothered me for 24 hours.
I was sitting in an airport and I looked down at my ticket I had in my hand. I knew I was travelling somewhere but Raleigh was not familiar to me. I looked at the departure board and couldn't decide if I was going to Raleigh North Carolina, or should I be going to Raleigh in W. Virginia. I knew if I was flying east it should be to Charlottesville if anywhere. At least I thought so.
In my other hand was a folder with pictures of people in it. I carefully studied the photos and I didn't recognize any of the folks. No matter how hard I looked, nothing was familiar. In my other hand the ticket said Raleigh. The flight board didn't have any Raleigh showing.
Now I was confused. Where was I going and who were the people I had photos of?
People were walking around me and I didn't know want to look as though I were lost or confused so I just kept my head down.
The feeling of dread and anxiety just kept getting worse until I was ready to flee.
I woke up.
I got up and went to sit in the living room. I knew it was a dream. But where was I going and WHO were those people? What was up with Raleigh? Why would I even remember that? Those people! Just strangers!
I made coffee and sat down to have my first cup.
It hit me then. What I had been feeling and the whole dream scenario would possibly be just like what it could be to have Dementia.
It was terrifying. So terrifying that the feeling of loss and confusion over something I should know [even though it was a dream] hung with me all day.
I can't imagine living in that world and coming in and out of memory issues like that. However, I have seen it more than once in my life dealing with elderly folks I know.
Can you imagine it?
-- Well if that wasn't a bummer, I don't know what is.
Oh wait! I have a diversion!
The new motor that was replaced in the heater started making noise again. Enough so that it gave me a headache and I returned to the space heaters for blissful silence on this 2 degree morning.
So the $$$ I spent lasted exactly 6 days. I expect that perhaps that motor was only part of the issue? Just call me a bit disappointed and frustrated.
