Showing posts with label Dasha Kiper. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Dasha Kiper. Show all posts

Tuesday, April 04, 2023

Travelers


The book I ordered and started reading:


This book explores what it is like to be a Caregiver and what they face when caring for those with some form of dementia...or the new and improved terms: Cognitive Decline or Neurologically Impaired.
Like any Caregiver, we want to fix our charge. 

We develop behavior that in its own way is problematic. Then the Caregiver feels guilty and struggles with feelings of regret, joy, and frustration all at the same time.

My husband's stroke in 2017 was pretty significant. I won't go into the details, however, he did have to go through months of speech therapy to try and help his aphasia. I learned quickly to understand what he wanted to say when he said something quite opposite. Soon after, he was also diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment Frontotemporal Dementia.

It is easier to say his Brain is Hurt.

When I am frustrated with him, I correct his backwards speech or even repeat it back to him. The surprise on his face when he hears that reminds me that he KNEW he said She instead of He, or In instead of Out. When I am particularly feeling like a turd, I pretend just not to understand him.

Yes, I said feeling like a turd. 

So many moments we have are normal and he catches his 'mistakes'. So I sometimes think ---> he is doing it on purpose.

His stroke also changed his personality. Once he was quick to anger and he could be rather difficult when he was in a mood. He had rages when something went wrong and usually I'd just step back and let him calm down. He wasn't a bad husband at all, just quick with a temper. Most of the time it was directed at inanimate objects. 
I watched him try to beat up his truck one time when it wouldn't start.

After his stroke, this different person emerged. Slow to temper, quicker to smile, and almost unemotional. He stopped taking interest in most things around him. He was always the person that had to be in control of everything. Bam, that ended abruptly.

He even stopped driving. He had no interest in operating a vehicle. 
[He still gives me helpful backseat driving hints when we travel together.]

Sure we have since had some arguments and disagreements. Once I got really angry and pulled a card out of my mother's deck of dirty tricks.
I decided to give him the Silent Treatment, at least until he realized it and asked me 'What's wrong?'

True to his apathy for life and most all things, he never noticed the silent treatment. The only one that suffered was me. I was angry. He forgot what we had argued about.

Truly, I felt like a terrible Turd. My behavior was reprehensible. 

Now I use that behavior and forgetfulness wisely. If we argue about something and he gets upset, or I get upset, I wait. I let the issue drop. Within hours, all is forgotten and we go on about our way.

Well, indeed. 
Our journey will take us as Travelers to places we could not have imagined.