Well that was fun.

 

Woke up with a nagging pain in the sternum area.

I did chores and hubby started getting after me for his coffee, for this, for that. Nag, Nag, Nag...when I didn't feel like getting nagged.

I didn't really feel that great and knew something was off.

So I grabbed the BP cuff and did some measuring. Wowzah! Off the charts!

After an hour or so of trying to 'calm' down and using all the tools in my basket [breathing, quiet, meditation, and so forth] nothing changed and I still felt quite off.

I grabbed my keys and shot off a text to Olive to ask her if she could drop in on Rich if I get held up going to Urgent care.

She zoomed down and picked me up and took me to the ER. The triage nurse asked what the issue was and I replied that my BP was very high and wouldn't come down. My sternum was painful as was my upper back. 

She said, "You said the magic words and suddenly I was whisked into a room and hooked up with a dozen leads with so they could look at my heart." I glanced over and it looked quite normal. Next came the vampire to draw blood...she was excellent and cheerful. 

The nurse started and IV on the other arm. A job nicely done.

The doctor came in with a dozen questions and said my heart looked normal and proceeded with the 100 questions he had to ask. When he gave me a chance to speak I told him I 'think' this is really just an out of control anxiety attack. My worry was my BP which is normally 102/77 raging at 167/88. With all the poking it went higher.

X rays, and more tests and then he came back and said it all looked good. I pointed to the BP and the fact that I was trembling and asked what that was all about. He shrugged and talked about the labs and I had to repeat in an hour.

He did ask what I normally took when I was 'anxious'. I wanted to be a smart ass and say Jack Daniels [I don't], but was honest. "I go for a hike. I go for a walk, nice long walk in the woods, or go work out at the gym."

He asked 'what can I do for you?' I said "Give me something that makes me feel like I'm not going to blow a head gasket?"

His answer, "I can give you Nitro and that should bring it down and will probably cause you a headache." --- It gave me a headache and the pressure went up.

Then the nurse brought me baby aspirin. Then they all left. I chatted with Olive and told her I was going to go into my Head Zone and practice my relaxation breathing along with some mental calming.

My BP dropped, still a bit high, but it dropped.

Then another person came in for more blood. It SHOT up. Go figure!

Next the Doctor glanced at the unimproved high pressure and told me I was good to go. No immediate life threatening issues were found. Go home and see your PCP.

Seriously. He was doing his job and all the protocol was perfect. He explained that he was looking to make sure I did not have a LIFE Threatening Condition. 

[Maybe not to him!]

One of my gym pals is a NP, she saw me and walked in to chat. She listened to me, offered comfort [as Olive did], she actually gave me some hope that I was NOT crazy. She and I did discuss the fact that the Prolia med has caused me to be ultra tired and unmotivated to be able do what I normally do. Was the high BP part of it? 

Was it a wake up call to something else? Would it hurt to no longer take the med and do what I've done before? More confusion that answeres.

All heavy questions, but questions I needed to talk to a health professional about. 

I walked out of there exhausted with a last BP reading of 171/90.

I ate when I got home, and took a long nap.

After a simple supper, I sat down with hubby and took my BP. 119/82.

When I woke up? 102/77. After chores? 106/76.

I will be the very last to admit it. But let's just call a spade a spade.

Anxiety Attack.

You know there is little out there that is helpful for a person in a full anxiety crisis. 
See a mental health professional. Breathing exercises. Do a group therapy thing.

Seriously. It does not stop those things in the moment. What is there to stop that crippling moments that lead to more crippling moments?

This is my first time with this serious of an issue. Being me, I will investigate and get myself some answers.

However...

And that is that.

The discharge paper included 'stress' and 'anxiety'. Funny how the doctor never seemed to be able to acknowledge those exact words to me.

Sunday Sunday...what is today?

It is a different time, no doubt about it.

People are protesting that their rights are being trampled on. We have a president who is egging on unrest to deflect from his own inadequate abilities and woefully irresponsible governing.

Okay. Enough of what I think.

Interestingly enough, this time of being 'locked' down hasn't affected us like it has others. We are a very rural farming community which grows the standard fare of crops. Corn, beans, and hay. Dairy Farms are suffering great losses due to no schools being open among other reasons.

My husband is used to living life in a hermit type way. I am not as much of a loner as he is, but I am settling into a life of being remote.
I did talk with my neighbors yesterday across our property fence. They live at the top of our driveway and are the only folks near enough for us to actually see and hear. The rest of our 'neighbors' are at least a quarter of a mile away or further.

They were setting up their garden. Being 'hungry' for talking to someone else, I did stand on my side of the fence and talk... a lot. We laughed when I asked... *This IS Sunday right?*
I knew what day it was, but somehow our world feels slightly obscure and surreal.

It had been 3 weeks since I'd gone to the grocery store. A record for me.

That is one of my masks. I felt odd wearing it, but I wasn't the only one in the store with a mask.
I went at 7am again and filled my basket. Many of the items I wished for weren't there.

Rich complained that I didn't bring home cookies. They weren't on my list and I noticed that he eats them as a constant snack. I purchased canned fruits instead.
Fresh fruits, tomatoes, and other fresh food was scarce in the store.
He is like having a finicky kid to feed. But I refuse to keep candy and cookies as a non stop snack food for him.
I put an apple in front of him when he complains.

These were our veggies last night. Sweet corn from our garden a year ago, sweet potatoes, and nettles! The nettles cooked up nicely and I ate them with butter, I saved some for tea later.

I will make a special trip to Walmart tomorrow morning as soon as they are open to get some items I couldn't get at  Quillians on Sunday. I need Qtips, toothpaste, ...seeds, and brownie mix, shampoo, and a few other items.

I need a trip to the feed store for Senior Feed for Fred and Mica too. Then I am finished for another few weeks I hope.

I feel okay. But the stress of dealing with Rich's memory/health issues on one hand and not getting de-stressed on the other hand do get to me on some days.

Those are the days when I need to get off the farm and out to the hinterlands of the public lands.


I am so grateful to my son Eddie for calling on Sunday evenings. To know that he is checking in on me is comforting.

Sunny mild weekend!

The 'kids' have been really soaking up the sun lately. I was going to remove this paddock and make it into yard when I realized that this is THE most popular place on the farm in the winter.

The critters can find dry spots to sleep and soak up the sun. They can leave this paddock and wander through the open field or go into the woods, but this seems to be the 'hot' spot.
I've noticed that I need to get after everyone with a curry comb. Eeeks!

Today I am taking hubby in to see his mom. After that I think I need a wandering.

Yesterday was tough. The VA/non VA hospitalization from 2018 is still unresolved. I spoke with the VA Patient Advocate yesterday and she is as frustrated as I am. She was upset at how the new Community Care Call Center seems to have really messed things up. That is a whole different blog. I'm not sure why people who have no back round in billing and coding or understanding of how that all works ... work in a Call center for the VA? I'm sure it is contracted out.
The Patient Advocate and I may be filing a VA Congressional Complaint and calling the 'White House' hotline. Does it really have to come to that? The charges had been approved locally almost a year ago.

The next thing I find out is that our CrossFit ...is done. Kaput. There will be no more CrossFit. Worst of all, there was NO warning. Just an email.

All of the members are outraged, upset, and feel as though they were left hanging by the Wellness Center. Everyone has pledged to follow our coach if and when he has a place to open a box. Comments are like this: If I have to work out in a hayfield in the rain, I would do so with Coach Josh.

Okay. Onto the weekend.
Warm.
Sunny.
Beautiful.
It should be free of stress.

I am getting the Unicorns out along with some other pocket critters and I'll pack them along on my Wander.

I need to gather materials to make a stable for those Unicorns!
No matter what, I will find a way to enjoy this mud, melt, and sunny weather!

Let it go...

This week has been one of a bit of stress.  

Monday was busy with deliveries for the remodel and I had to go re-qualify at the Range for the year. 
Re-quals are very stressful.  You have so many seconds to shoot a silhouette target at different ranges.

Firing a Glock and a Shotgun while being timed is...well, let's just call it what it is.  A real brain drain.

So Tuesday I woke up and decided that after all that was going on, I was going to de-stress myself.  I decided to pick a project and attack it with some gusto.

So I talked with our neighbor and asked if I could dig things up around our mailboxes and see if we could have a small flower garden there.  She liked the idea.  I drove to the ridge and proceeded to spend most of the afternoon cleaning up an area and planting seeds.

I'll know in about 14 days how well the older seeds did and if the garden is a flop because of the shade, I'll get a flat of begonias which would do very well there.

I put the red mulch around the area to mark it.  Both of our husbands have just mowed through here so I wanted to make it clear that there was something besides roadside weeds around the mailboxes.

I pulled poison ivy and dug up as much wild parsnip as possible.  I showed our neighbor what the poison ivy looked like and will walk her wood trails with her to see if any is growing where the kids can get into it.  
I found this little plant in the mailbox garden and have not figured out what it is yet?

Anyone with any idea?

That is my gloved hand next to the plant.  I have seen this before but cannot for the life of me figure out where!

Anyway after working on the garden area I went back home and put my tools away.  

My old house is fading away.  It was nice though to have the basement covered now and be able to come through the old entrance.

Still feeling restless, I decided to take a small walk through the woods.  I found one trillium that was already blossoming.  

Mental note, ... I would love to hike to the 'back valley' and see the hillside of Trillium!

I stopped by the Hawthorne Tree and admired its leaves and flowers. It seems it is nearly done flowering, as the blossoms are fading.

Yesterday was another day full of activity.  
The crew came and worked on the house.  Rich and I went to town so he could get his 'annual' haircut and then I took him out for ice cream.

It was nice to get away from the sawdust and the pounding.  

After the crew left I went to sort out blocks of wood.  I had asked the contractor not to toss the chunks in the dumpster.  I'd sort through the wood and give some to my neighbor who has a wood cook stove.

I had ideas for some of the other chunks.
When I was a child we had a box of wooden blocks that my Grandmother had carefully sanded.  It was left over wood chunks that had come from her house when it was built.
I have fond memories of playing with those blocks for hours on end.

My mother did the same thing for her grand children when she built her house.

And...

Well, not all my grand children are small nor would they find blocks fun to play with.  But I've also thought of some other fun things I can do with the blocks.

Paint, stain, stencils...I'm not exactly sure what I'm going to do, but sanding and listening to the the orioles sing in the trees above me last night was very relaxing.

I know this is kind of 'kitschy' but I thought it might make a cute project to do.

I am thinking more of something along the line of using each block to make a letter of our last name...or something else neat.

I really like this idea from 'diddle dumpling', on how to make a wooden 'vintage' sign using an ink jet printer!