Time out...

Promise me you'll always remember

you're braver than you believe

stronger than you seem

and smarter than you 

think.

A.A. Milne

Hubby took a major turn for the worse so he is in the local hospital at the moment. They are  adhering to his wishes of no ventilator and no resuscitation. At least I can be with him all day right now and not have to travel over an hour to be with him.

So for right now I may be hanging around in the background and cruise through others blogs, but I am taking a time out. I probably won't comment or make an effort to catch up at this point.

I may write a bit more on the other blog I started years ago when he was first Dx'd with throat cancer. I've used The Long Road to sort of write about the things most people wouldn't want to see in light 'happy' reading.

Being in a silent house feels very strange.

Hold their hand
Sit by their side
Hugs
Just be present

Be Still by Fray

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know that I am here
Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still, be still, and know

When darkness comes upon you
And colors you with fear and shame
Be still and know that I'm with you
And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed
And sleep no longer comes
Remember all the words I said
Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley
And the shadow comes down from the hill
If morning never comes to be
Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go
And lose where you came from
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know I am

Overflo...

 Charlie is really one heck of a champ. 3 inch front legs, with a low slung powerful chest and then he stretches out to be a long dog.

Yesterday we caught some time to run  hike walk down to our valley. I could tell the snow melt was running off. I could hear it in the run off to the west of us on our west neighbor's land.

There is one thing I try very hard to go enjoy. Mini flash floods [I'm not a fool] and snow melts. The sound is music to my ears. Our creek used to have quite a bit of water in it. But for the last few years, we've had a bit of a drought.

I used to go down to the valley and sit on a rock or log and just listen to the water. It soothes me. 

Last week this area was solid ice with water running slowly underneath the ice. The water from the ridge west of us drains down through their land and into the spot where the creek actually starts at a spring. It gathers water from the hillsides and two large south facing dry runs and heads down the valley and through us.

The brownish colored water is typical of run off. It is dirt, sand, clay, and debris that gets washed off the top of the soil on the ridge. Erosion. It is more fierce in the winter as the land underneath is frozen and cannot soak in.

It was sunny yesterday afternoon and nearly 60 degrees out. The water was icy cold with ice slush in it. That tough little dog made his way back and forth and over rocks to assist me in exploring.

In the shots below, the light color that looks yellowish under the water is ice that is still frozen. 

The white streaks are foam that comes from oxygen in the snow, debris, and dissolving organic matter. It is complicated science but pretty cool stuff. I never understood why there was so many bubbles during a snow melt and run off.

Now I know a little more.

Foamy:

And photographed with a 3 second exposure. 👇

The foam does literally spin in circles in little eddies. I just love to 'catch' it in a longer exposure. It makes so many interesting patterns.

I tried something I hadn't ever done before. I took a very strong ND filter and stuck it on the lens. I literally faced towards the west and set this shot up for a very long exposure. I wanted to highlight the foam streaks.

Charlie and I sat on a log with the water running around us. He was patient with me while I fiddled with the camera and the exposures to try something different. In the shot above, there is a leaf, snow, and stick jam just in front of us.

I like it. It is weird enough to be different and highlight the foam. 

I get geeked out over the foam in the water. Sorry, can't help it.

the log...today.... 👇 nice place to sit right?

The shot below is where I'd taken the video with Morris a few years ago. The water wasn't charging down through the boulders like in years past, but it made for some cute little water falls with bubbles!

This morning, the sunrise was spectacular, when I went out on the porch to watch it, I could hear the water running again on the neighbor's land. 

After getting ol' hubby settled, fed and whatnot. I walked carefully down to the neighbor's valley and took this shot. 

The walls of the creek are steep. I took this shot so you could understand what it looks like. Getting in and out of that bottom can be tricky sometimes. I didn't go down at all this morning as the banks were all ice.

I did eventually find a safe way down a bit later and spent a little more time enjoying the sounds and sights of the creek.

I just can't stay away from water. Give me a river, a creek, or a lake to be near and you can color me happy.

I spent all of my free time at the creek today. Hubby napped, I 'creeked'...not creaked.

Side note. He says he is too sick to see a doctor. And again refused to go. I think that should be my Stress Test, not some machine, right?

Fascinating Day

Yesterday....

It was a regular morning. I had to rush around and get things done to get into town by 8:30 to check in for my Stress Test appointment.

I knew Eric who took me to the room along with Maddie to get me ready. You know, after a certain age and a certain amount of medical procedures, your modesty gets left somewhere else. Eric is a Cardo/Pulmonary person that works in the Heart Center. He helped hubby do his PT a couple of years ago.

Anyway, the putting on of all the leads and stickers on my 'ahem' bare chest went quickly with me joking about modesty of course. A base reading of my heart and BP was taken and then it was time to wait for the echocardiogram lady. The wait was long and Eric apologized a few times. I said I was happy just to sit and wait with no distractions. And that is what I did for a while. I didn't mind the wait at all.

I took my time as a 'time out' from other matters. I listened to the bells across the street at the big stone church ring. I daydreamed. I had a nice time out.

The echo lady came in and apologized for the wait. I shrugged. She said she had to take her time with her previous patient and it took longer than expected. I reminded her that I should thank her because she was doing a very important job. I was content to wait. Without her expertise, how would we get a good look at how my heart worked?

I think she was a bit stunned by my comment. You know, people can be rude when they have to wait. I really did appreciate the work this team was doing. I just wanted to get the go ahead for putting on my hiking shoes!

The bad part of the day was that hubby woke up with my upper respiratory infection showing its ugly face. But since he was going to sleep after having his breakfast, I wasn't too worried. I made an appointment for him in the afternoon to see someone in the clinic. With end stage COPD, you don't mess around with respiratory infections.

The stress test was pretty neat and yep, I got out of breath finally and asked to stop. My chest cold was still giving me grief. No one said a word about 'how' I did, but they are the techs, they can see things but they can't say things.

Off to home I went.

I told hubby I needed to get him something to eat and then we were heading to the clinic to have him looked at. I was met with a fierce NO. HE was not going anywhere, he didn't feel good. I couldn't help but then say, "Well, when you start having real trouble breathing, I'll just call the ambulance and you can ride with them." 

I got a dirty look. I don't care. However, I did bring him his meds, water, and his nebulizer in the bedroom. I even made him lunch and then jello for later on. I know what that cold did to me and I am in pretty good shape.

I told hubby to mark this date on the calendar. "Oh that's right. You are being nice!"

I quipped over my shoulder. "I can't have too many Nice Days in one year. I think maybe 6 times a year?"

Chuckle and cough - cough - hack - cough.

I did quiet things. Folding laundry and piling it in the basket to put away. Then I got out a Lego figure and decided to try to have some fun with the Mime. I couldn't think of what to do so I lined up coffee cups plopped the Mime down, and dribbled coffee grounds around and on him.

Charlie and I sat on the porch and watched the mules sleep in the warm sun. Then I heard Robins. I don't recall if I've heard them this early in the winter before. Perhaps I have. 

I watched the water coming off the hillside and running down through the pasture in a tiny stream. I did some mental calculations. The snow melt on the ridge must be finding its way down the dry runs to the creek.

I walked towards the edge of the fence and listened. I could hear water just faintly running. That meant it was headed for our valley.

I made sure my patient had his meds and Nebulizer on time, then tucked him in and made a mad dash for the valley. 

I simply have NOT missed a snow melt in years. It usually happens a few times, so yes, I have had to work during one or two, but usually caught the second day of the melt run off.

I discovered it by accident in our valley. I mean I knew it happens, but I didn't know how to watch for it and listen for it.

Here is a short video I did with Morris a few years ago. Generally the big melts coming through the snow is more impressive, but I could literally hear this water coming down from 1/8th of a mile away!

2014 March 30th mini flash flood over rocks from the dry run into the creek bed with my Jack Russell Morris. 1:55 seconds long.
It is a bit unsteady at first because I was climbing the boulders trying to see the first bits of water appear.

This morning, I can hear the water running in my neighbor's 'ditch' just down at the end of our winter pasture. I can't wait to go see the water, debris and mud. 

I know. I am a strange one. But yesterday, I had some amazing relaxation time watching the water flow.

Busy day

The other morning, before my appointment, I went to feed the girls and they were in a place they weren't exactly supposed to be in. All I had to do to get them back was rattle the feed bin and bring out their hay. 

[BW shot with my Infrared Camera out the door]

I just shut them in this large paddock until I could get out to check fences.

The culprits of fence wrecking showed up the next morning.

We did end up counting over 30 deer congregated by the place where our fence and two other neighbor fences intersect.

Well after breakfast, I went out and fixed about 500 feet of hot wire. The barbed wire fence that belongs to the guy west of me is bent over and mostly broken. He knows it is a mess, but he sold his cattle and so he basically doesn't care. 

That said, I don't mind either because I use a hot wire on the inside of his barbed wire. Hot wire was the only way we could keep our jumping mules in our pasture as they were taught to jump fences. That is a competition with a history of hunting behind it. 

The mules I have left don't jump fences. But keeping them out of tangled barbed wire is my goal.

Winter Pasture

The winter pasture looks flat, but it isn't, there are a lot of trees, nooks, and crannies to go around.

Below, my fencing supplies.

It wasn't that hard to repair the fence since I use a fence product that is easy to put back together. By the time I finished in my chore boots, my feet were chilled.

But I had a couple of more spots to take care of before quitting. You know, once you start a job, you finish it before having to put all the supplies away again.

I'll just have to keep a closer eye on the deer. 

After lunch, I decided to get outside as it was so warm! 22 F or -5 C. I'd been bummed about the 'order' not to 'go' hiking so Charlie and I decided to go for a 'walk'. Semantics, it works for me. 

I dusted off my Infrared Camera and thought it would be interesting to see how things looked in a different light. 

Finally an hour to myself to relax! No phone calls to answer, no appointments to work out, no deliveries of meds that need to be signed for. Just me and my little dog.

We went down the good part of the trail to the creek.  It looks quite different with the snow on it. I like to try and get out to 'shoot' this trail before the critters mark it up with footprints. 

That little black dot is Charlie watching 8 deer running up the hill from the valley below.

I turned around and hot straight up the trail. Yep, one isn't supposed to do that with a camera, it causes a lot of sun flares especially when you are using an Infrared Camera. I didn't care, I liked the footprints.

I checked my watch, time to get back and make sure someone had their meds on time and prepare for the 100 questions about "What is for lunch?"

I wanted to take an IR shot of this oak leaf stuck in the snow. Yes, the leaf looks blue as the light spectrum I chose to shoot in reflects anything that has chlorophyll in it a shade of blue in camera. It just looked pretty.

As we walked back home, I kept looking for interesting shapes and shadows in the snow. I like a solo branch sticking up out of the snow with a cool shadow. But our snow is not deep so I was stuck with little weeds. 

Back under the large oak, I found a small spot that did not have animal tracks in the snow and had interesting shadows from the tree above.

I spent the rest of the afternoon cleaning house since I hadn't really done so since I'd been sick over a week ago.

Find Your Inner Peace

 I just thought I'd share some colorful calming stuff today.
These are photos from last April when the forest was beginning to awaken.

I listened to the news this morning. Not good.

I am taking the rest of the day off from the news as yesterday was a cluster-f-ck. Pardon my French. It started off by an event on the way to my doctor's appointment.

Olive's husband's dog ran out [they wear electronic collars and always just run to the ditch and stop]. 

Apparently the collar didn't work and he went right into my front right of the car just under the headlight and next to the front wheel. 

Stunned, I went 20 feet and stopped and couldn't see the dog anywhere. So I called and Olive answered breathlessly that she had the dogs in the house and she was sorry. And I was sorry. And my car suffered damage to the front piece that I'd just replaced a year and a half ago from the great liquid cement fiasco.

UFFDAH!

So then it was time to see my doctor. She is a PA that I've seen since I've lived here. She is much younger than I am so I must have started seeing her when she was 'brand new'. 

I started to keep a daily log of the weird stuff since I started to have some strange muscle and joint pain at the end of December. 

Short notes.
Date, what happened, pain level, tylenol taken, or heat, or ice, ... for each day something happened. The good days were noted and I told her those days were active days for me in which I felt normal enough to hike and enjoy life.

I also gave her my 'log' of BP's. She kept that and now next week I have to go in once more just to give in a week's new log and a readings. I'll see a nurse who will check my BP and see if the cuff is as accurate human reader. [A bit of sarcasm there]. 

She did note that if she gave me BP meds she was afraid I'd bottom out a lot. 

I had her note the stars next to the higher readings with short hand notes that explained that things that disturbed the balance of things which make my BP peak. 

You know the balance of my inner peace and contentment....which I'm sure I am in control of each day...you know that inner peace thing....

"Oh your blood pressure is elevated today," said Anne, she is so sweet. She gives me the eye.

"I hit my friend's dog on the way here." I reply. "Dog's okay. I'm not. I feel like my inner peace took a crap."

Anne smiles and we move on to what she feels are pertinent. This is an ER after visit after all.

Protocol says that the chest pains were not a heart attack and probably not angina. To rule other things out I'll have a Stress Test.

"You are at that AGE now where we have to think about these things," Anne says in her nice but firm voice.

I grasp me chest and go all wide eyed. "What? I'm at THAT age. OMG, I thought I'd be dead by THAT age." I blink and smile sweetly.

See, Anne gets me. She chuckles and says, "You are that AGE." She didn't throw me out of the little room we were in.

I am poked, prodded, listened to and examined and then I go see the vampire so she can take vials of blood. [Do lab workers drink that stuff??? Kidding]

We discuss that it could have been anxiety. But why the weird pain? She looks at the notes and the logs and then at the side effects of Prolia and says it didn't happen in the first weeks of Prolia?

I'll address that at another time. I have a theory.

Good news though. 

Anne knows that I am stuck at home more in the winter. She asks if I have 'support' and I tell her about my Legends Class and my Wolf Pack ... well coffee/workout buddies but that sounds so lame.

Anne concludes that we'll do the follow ups, the Stress Test, and that I need to go to class with my friends even if I can't do much.

She then forbids me to go hiking until after the Stress Test. 

Do you think I can follow her rules for the next 3 days?

Be like Charlie find your

Inner Peace....

Ps~ The dog is fine, he is sore but he will be okay. Nathan came out and saw the damage and told me to get it fixed and they will pay for it. 
No hard feelings between us and a quick hug while standing in the road this morning.

Our Pack

What -10 F looks like mid morning after the girls have had their breakfast. They take turns taking naps sheltered from the wind and in the full glory of the sun.

Not great shots since I shot them through the doorway...but 15 [her name] is doing the dragon breath thing. Of course the two red headed sisters snooze together. One mule always stands guard and alert while the rest sleep.

They are not cold. They have extremely thick and heavy winter coats which are a total pain starting in March through June with all the shedding they do.  But when one sticks their hands into their fur, they find the skin underneath warm and toasty.

Heated water [pricey, but worth it] lots of hay, and places to get out of the winds are how these girls rock. 

Charlie has taken this weather well also. His out door visits are quick unless we are doing chores, then he is on the hunt for voles or mice. When he needs to warm up, he sits on his rug on the porch in the sun and observes until it is time to go in. If one is curious, he has a thick hound dog/Pekinese coat. It is hard to describe. It is thick and water repellent which I imagine keeps him pretty warm. 

If he wears a coat in any sort of snow over 3 inches, he scoops the snow right through the neck of the coat and ends up filling his jacket with icy snow. 

He does love winter as much as I do. He believes he is a snow plow...

However, with the negative temps, he does spend less time outdoors. Why not? We all do!

I did spend a good part of the morning on the phone yesterday making arrangements for different pieces of business I still need to get done. 

I also began to feel better, I coughed a lot in the morning [masked] but by afternoon I no longer had a cough. I wasn't tired anymore and I was more fidgety than anything else. Fidgety must mean better, right?

As I said I would yesterday, I put seed in the feeder and watched some birds and read some poetry.

Then I got a message through Messenger. "Hey, have you got time to meet me at the Co-op for a cup of coffee or soup tomorrow?"
Indeed I did as I had to go to town on Wednesday to return library books or they'd be overdue. And I had to sign paperwork for my change in Property/Auto/Farm insurance.

I said "How about 10?"

I wore my mask for my errands and into the Co-op. I sat down in the common area and sipped some delicious coffee. In the door came two of the ladies I work out with in our Legends Class. These two gals and I are about the same age and have taken to each other. We don't exactly fit with the younger gym crowd [though we are always welcome], but we have hit on something special in our more Mature Class.

We had coffee and talked about stuff. Not important stuff. Just Stuff Stuff. Grandkids, barns, farms, gardening, food, food I cannot make, our fun at the gym, and ... "let's do this again". The place is convenient for a quick meet up after the gym class and a cup of soup or coffee.

Not to knock the younger gals we workout with, but sometimes they are all about how much they lift, what competition they want to do, what tights to buy, or...what are the coolest shoes.

We Legends are about Stuff. You know. Stuff that is just good to know. Life Stuff. Because dang it, we've been living life a damned long time.

Everyone needs a 'Wolf Pack' [my words]. I think I may have found mine. So this week may have been quite awful in a few ways, but it is working out to be something quite wonderful. 

Sometimes things just happen, don't they?

Yucksville ~ I lied

Yesterday was better! Yippee! Today? Not so, let's add a deep chesty cough to the mix. I feel like a surgeon walking around the house with a mask and making him and myself wash our hands every time we walk through the house. 
I woke up to.....

~~~~~   - 17 F just before it dropped to -20 F [-28 C]. There is no wind right here in front of the house and this will be were the equine ladies gather when the sun peaks over the tree tops.

Even Charlie thought it was a bit cold. He asked to borrow my over the glasses goggles to go out to do his business.

Now that the weather report is out of the way [cold, bitter cold], I can move on. 

I was supposed to go in today and sign some paperwork for my insurance. I'm going to call in and do it tomorrow. I got sick of the company I've done business with only one claim in 30 years of raising prices and never saying a thing. The first owner -- now retired -- would call us and explain what was going on and how he could try and find better coverage for us. 

This service hasn't continued with his son. So last week I walked into a local agency and sat down with my paperwork. The end result was a $700 savings overall with the same coverage. Yes, they will raise prices I'm sure but I know I can stop in their office and speak directly to them. I'm not dealing with a no face no personality person. 

Yippee me. The cold is brutal enough to delay schools, shut down some schools, and convince me that making a drive to town that I postpone until tomorrow is smart.

I woke up to the news that Musk is now delving into Social Security. 72.5 million people's lives can be affected by someone who doesn't even understand how SS works. Especially if they don't understand the language of COBOL.

I wonder how the unemployment figures are going to look next month for all of the firings that have gone on. I wonder how many more planes are going to crash. I wonder how the price of eggs are doing. I wonder who will be picking produce. I wonder how many elderly are having their heat cut off. I wonder how much more we can take.

I don't think I'm supposed to talk about this sort of thing on my blog. You know with those goons running things, I feel like every word I say or type is being watched. Maybe. Maybe not. Is it 1984 yet?

 *****************

So enough of that. I'm sick. I'm sick and tired of being sick and tired and I am whiney. 
It's warmed up to -14, so I'll put on my gear and head out. Thankfully, the chores are not so hard.

I'm going to eat Chicken noodle soup and watch the birds at the feeder.