Unrealistic Expectations of

 the Perfect Hollyweird Hallmark Perception of the Perfect Family Christmas.

That is a mouthful and so unrealistic. 

The following is Satire and not meant to represent any real family.

There is no such thing as a perfect Christmas. There are no perfect Holidays. 

This time we hired Security Officers for a Family Get Together to make sure that the feuding families didn't bring weapons. Full body searches at the door pretty much took the fun out of getting inside to have a good knock

down

drag out

fight.

However, an MMA event was not out of the question.

Grandma Mildred smuggled in a Bowie Knife. I mean seriously, the officers missed that. Who on earth would search an old lady's Wet Depends?

Cousin LeRoy attacked Cousin Raymond with a plastic Spork after they both went for the same piece of nasty Fruitcake.

Great Grandma Jolene went after Grandma Mildred. Jolene is an expert at wheeling that old chair of hers. Hair was pulled and Grandma Mildred lost her wig. Mildred whipped her Rollator around and nearly took off Jolene's head.

With shots and beers in hand, the rest of the family hung out at the bar and watched the entertainment. The Grandma Fight was scored and after 3 rounds, they broke it up and handed the Champion Necklace to Mildred. Her Bowie Knife won her extra points.

So clever of Mildred to outwit and outfight a 90 year old!

The little ones went around the rented room to tear down decorations. They decided to pile it up in the corner and see if they could start a fire.

Some of us were impressed that these two and four year old's could be so handy with matches and lighters.

Serious bets were placed on who would start the next fight when the presents were opened. We'd drawn names for this large get together.

We'd hired a Santa to pass out gifts. He was the same Santa we'd used a year ago. Instead of a big pillow under his suit, he was wearing a Kevlar Vest. Impressive!

We had to separate the grandmothers one more time. Great Grandma Jolene had held the Family Feud Champion Necklace for years and wasn't about to give it up that easily.

Gifts were passed out just before the Santa passed out. Apparently he had been hiding out at the bar for quite a while.

All was merry especially when the fire department arrived to put out the fire the kids started.

We all left the building and admired the pretty flashing lights.

Grandpa Leo toddled out with his walker and waved it around announcing that he just loved a parade with Fire Trucks!

~~~~~~~

Oh ... and then I woke up.

Father's Day

I don't normally celebrate much on Father's Day. I lost both my Father and Father in law withing months of each other in 2005. 

Here is my father the year before he died. I had to walk away and take this shot with a long lens so he couldn't hear the camera click. He did not like photos of himself as 'aged'. 

From our trip in 2001 to Hawai'i. What I didn't realize at the time is that I only had a few years left with him. He was my charge on that trip. It was two weeks of sometimes Utter Frustration or unexpected wonderful fun.
I look back now and think of what fantastic memories I have of that trip.

My Father in Law, Lonnie was also a hoot. He hated having any pictures taken of him also. I imagine it was because he had to wear oxygen in the last few years of his life.

He loved fishing and we would take him as often as he would go.

He adored his great grandkids. This photo was a sneak shot while he was occupied with Ariel.

Father ~ Daughter Time. This is my husband with his daughter sitting on a lakeside pier on a summer afternoon. They were watching the kids play in the shallow water.

A photo of my youngest son with his son Sterling right after he was born.

Here is to the dad's the good ones, the bad ones, the so-so ones. The ones who are Dad's to pets instead of children. Those dads who have adopted, those dads who love their charges.

...and those dads we miss.

I make a special note of this today because a have a close friend who's father is now in the hospital with Covid. He told his daughter that Covid was a not real, it was fake, he wouldn't get it. He complied with her request regarding masks. He refused the vaccination. It was a hoax after all and no big deal.

Her mom did get the vaccine. The mom took care of the dad while he deteriorated and DID not get Covid-19. To me? This says, get the damn vaccine. I don't care what you think but this became super personal to me last night. I know this man and adore his funny quirks and have missed visiting with him over the past year and a half. 
As my close friend said: Please, please, please get the vaccination. 

I do not mean for this to be a commentary on Covid or politics. Only a tough revelation that struck close to my heart.

This did not have to be. A family suddenly stricken with illness on a day they would be celebrating together.

What about Thanksgiving?

I follow a few blogs and one thing that just came up for discussion by The Midnight Carver was Thanksgiving.

His post titled:  2020, The Year's Saddest Thanksgiving? Is a pretty good read. It makes one think. 

I can recall the year my boys and I had hotdogs for Thanksgiving. Their father was on duty and the boys and I thought it would be fun to have hotdogs and create our own picnic. Of course my ex gave me a dressing down for that. The kids and dogs didn't mind that we didn't have turkey and all the other crap that went along with it.

Thanksgiving.

I can recall as a child travelling 12 hours by car in the 60's...mind you, that was before the interstate was built...going to my Grandparents cottage to spend Thanksgiving with the Up North Family. My sister and I slept on the couch, I have no recollection of where my brother slept, or where my parents slept. 
We ended up at my Aunt's house where gobs of the family showed up. My Aunt also had indoor plumbing which was really nice.

We cousins were put in the entryway to the house at a couple of card tables and left with dishes that our mom's made up for us to eat. I can recall that we decided to take the squash [which was not up to our tastes] and stack it in a pile in the center of the table. We added things to our squash sculpture, like green beans, chunks of bread, toothpicks, and anything else we could think of.

We were having a grand time until The Moms came to check on us. Then all Hell Broke Loose. We kid cousins abandoned the table and went out to play in the snow on the hillside. Never mind the deer hunters. We escaped to the hill and used boxes as sleds. 

The Parents stayed inside the house and did whatever parents and family did on Thanksgiving. We kids had a blast. Playing dangerous games with our cousins was just about as fun as making Squash Sculptures. 

I don't recall many Big Family Thanksgivings after that year. The Sisters had a falling out and soon after we stopped the long trek to the North Land. 

I tried as a parent to participate in a family Thanksgiving with my Mom and Her Boyfriend and my Dad...sister...and her husband. It was awkward. My ex wasn't well liked so they berated me about him. Mom and Her Boyfriend got drunk a lot and my kids didn't like squash any more than I did at their age. My sister's husband was an Ass, but the cousin kids did get to play together and have fun. My poor Dad was there because he was included, but my Mom and Her Boyfriend couldn't help but take opportunities to pick on him also.

I stayed with my Dad at this house and truthfully, I think we could have had hotdogs and chips and been very happy.

This year?
It will be us. Charlie, Rich, and I. 

Thanksgiving doesn't bring about fond and warm fuzzy memories. 

To bring my mother's side of the family back together would require all relatives to leave weapons and attitudes at the door.

There won't be hotdogs, but we will have a nice quiet little meal. And it won't be a sad Thanksgiving as we are happy and thankful to be here for each other.

That is good enough for me.

That's the way things go...

Beautiful Night Hike at Wildcat Mountain State Park:

The full moon was bright and clear once it came above the horizon.

Tiki Torches lit the trail which was a bit slick in spots from the ice storm. But it was worth it!

I took the above shot knowing that it would turn out pretty crappy, but in my mind's eye...

I saw this:

After all, the moon the trees, the reflections off the ice and snow where amazing and so beautiful!


I'd made some awesome creamed chicken soup from leftovers and so Sunday was just a lazy day of folding laundry and doing chores.

While I was doing chores the phone rang and Rich didn't pick it up as he didn't recognize the number. But he called me in...actually he went outside onto the porch and flagged me down!

The call was from the Guardian and his mother was being taken to the local ER, could I call the Guardian back? I was watching the water tank fill so I texted the Guardian.

MIL was suspected to have pneumonia could I notify my SIL? I texted sure and made the call. SIL calls back as I am getting my coat on.
"What's up? What's going on? How is she?..." you know the endless questions that one wants to ask.
I remind her that she is calling on the landline, so I am still at the house and not at the hospital. I suppose I should be used to her knee jerk reactions by now. So I tell her I will text her after I see her mother.

I do get to the hospital as the nurses are setting up IV antibiotics. Mom sounds tough and she rattles and has labored breathing. They have her on 02 but she is in good spirits and seems to be well aware of what is going on.
The nurses are vague as far as any diagnosis but do say that they are treating for suspected pneumonia. Blood tests reveal that there is an infection.
I help MIL eat a sandwhich and she loves the fresh fruit plate, dislikes the coffee, and dislikes the soda and states to the nurses that she will NOT drink water.
One of her IV's is for re-hydration of course.

I stay until she is settled and falls asleep.

I did inform SIL via text and she starts asking: Is this related to her legs?

I scratch my head. MIL is near stage IV kidney failure so has badly swollen legs but I'm not sure what the connection is except that MIL is not very healthy and has several medical issues going on all of the time. That is why she is a resident in the nursing home.

I text back: I don't know.
She texts back: I KNOW

I don't answer as I am perplexed as to how she knows everything. Besides, SIL rarely makes much sense.


At 6am this morning I start getting texts from SIL in Utah.
"How is the patient?"
She means well, but sometimes I think SIL has an alternate reality where I am her personal assistant from afar.
I text back: "It is 6am and I have to plow and do chores, take care of your brother...I am not at the hospital."
Her reply: "So when are you going to be there?"

I think about the things I'd like to say. But am pleasant in my reply:
"When I get there."
I wanted to say....If you are concerned, you can get there first.
Snarky as she moved to Utah and we are in Wisconsin.

But not Snarky because she told me that she did not want to care for her mother or visit her.

So there.
So please don't expect me to be extra kind to relatives that pretend to care so much but really don't.

That's the way things go...

2019

What did 2019 bring us?

Well. Hmm.
NO medical incidents! Wow. That was awesome!
Family unrest. Well, yes that happened.

MDD. I visited the black hole with Rich. And it is not a pretty place. However by June we saw him climb out of despair.

I learned to drive the skid steer. I broke the skid steer. I hired out to get it fixed. Becoming a shade tree mechanic is NOT my forte.
But I can change the oil in the little mower. I got help to do the 4 wheeler and the big mower. Both are in line for a tune up this spring.

MIL was taken to the nursing home. Her Helping Hands folks were doing their best, but her health was precarious and her slippage was getting the best of her.

I discovered Infrared photography with a little converted pocket camera. I fell head over heels in love with the look.

I met Miss Molly and she was a welcome relief from constant running to Pulmonary Therapy appointments and physical therapy. She made me stop and ride mules with her. I have her to thank for many things.

I bought a cross between a road and dirt bike and rediscovered bicycling distances. If I had fenders, I'd be out on these nice days fighting the wicked muddy gravel roads!

Rich had the knee bursa moved and it was a great success. The attending doctor described it as 'kinda gross looking'.

We had some great visits from my Kenosha Gang and I got to dog sit Teslin!

When I look back on the years, I generally see them as pretty good. I'm lucky to be with a partner that I really respect and love and I know it is reciprocated but not always very evident.
Yes I am Rich's CareGiver, but I am his partner too.

Our lives are pretty good. We have a roof over our heads, plenty to eat, and we have each other.
Color me blessed.

How lucky am I too also be making new friends through CrossFit.

Last but not least is a new interest in macro photography.

Oh there is so much more, but I will leave things like that.

Good Day!

Yesterday was one of those days that started off where I was tired, grumpy, and just not a very nice person.
The day was dreary and ugly.

I skipped CrossFit since I was so tired and decided to do some other things. I thought I'd try going with the Christmas Cards again to the Nursing Home to see MIL. Perhaps she would be in a better mood and want to sign a few so I could send them out for her.

I'd contacted Rich's doctor and we exchanged thoughts through Secure Messaging. Doc is going to think on things and talk to some others. He feels depression is a huge issue but since the stroke Rich has become hyper sensitive to medications. Plus he'll see the results of last week's brain MRI are and what neurology has to offer.

So I did my errands and headed over to the Nursing Home. I was armed with Hershey Kisses and Cards and addresses. MIL was in a much better mood than last week and agreed to do cards. I think the candy bribe helped.

I put up the 3 cards she had received and talked to the staff. They said I could decorate her room more if I'd like. I will do that too.
MIL and I sat together for over and hour as I went through a list of names of people in her immediate family.

At one point she grabbed a card and handed it to me. She said, "This goes to Rich and Val...you will mail it for me, right?" I nodded and took it, telling her 'of course I will!'

We had quite a nice little stack by the time we were done and she was tired out. So I helped her to her easy chair and packed up. Rich was napping when I got home so I took time to take Sven and Charlie for a walk.

After supper I settled down to address all of the cards and write notes in them. I even posted on FB a request for MIL's relatives to PM me for an address so we could fill up her bulletin board with pretty cards.

I don't understand the way so many people in a nursing facility seem to be the hidden and forgotten people.
It just makes me sad.

However, MIL and I really did have a nice time.

And she is well cared for here.

I texted a this photo of her doing cards to her daughter and grand daughter. I got a huge thank you from the grand daughter and the daughter started asking me in short bursts of texts...
Did you get ... so and so?
Did you get ...
and after 8 texts of names [of people I don't know but who are relatives]...

I texted her back that no we didn't, but SHE could contact those relatives and ask them to send her mom a card as that surely would make her day and help decorate her room.

I really felt great after finishing those cards up. And I even slept all night last night!
I'm ready for this new day.

And I will go back Friday to decorate MIL's room a bit more.

Tomorrow we have to be up and out the door before daybreak to meet with the neurosurgeon regarding the results of the brain MRI.
Rich was feeling a bit more himself yesterday and even sat down to watch something with me before going to bed early.

I slept on the couch with Charlie and it was a nice sound night of sleep!

The Lefse event at the Nursing Home

While at CrossFit yesterday morning, one of the young ladies I work out with told me that there was 'Lefse Making' at the home where my MIL is at, was I going to come?
Since it was snowing and blowing and most of my 'to do' list was complete, I said I'd go.

I woke Lenise up when I got to her room and sat with her while she slowly gained her senses.
She said she was tired, I replied that they were doing a Lefse making 'thing' down in the cafeteria and that I'd come special, just to spend the afternoon with her.

Success! I got her out of bed, slippers and glasses put on... and off we went. We wheeled into the cafeteria as the Lefse Ladies were starting to roll out the dough.

Lefse dough consists of pounds and pounds of potatoes peeled and cooked then run through a ricer. Hmm, easier to provide a link than it is to explain it since I am not a baking person.

Sons of Norway: Lefse Making

I parked Lenise so that she could see the ladies rolling out the dough and using the stick to transfer it to the grill thing. Pretty soon we had a table of four residents all trying to make conversation.

I passed out coffee to the ladies and tried to field questions.

Mary told everyone and anyone who was there that she liked the Packers and that she was from Green Bay and she was of German descent. Mabel was worried that she was at the wrong table and didn't know us. It seemed to bother her a lot.
Lorraine announced that she didn't recognize anyone and that was okay because she was pretty sure that we were okay.
Lenise told the girls that she lived in an apartment in town in Viroqua. Then said she had an apartment in Readstown. Minutes later she told them she had a room at the Home just like them.

I recently finished a very good book Where Memories Go: Why Dementia Changes Everything by Sally Magnusson.
It is an incredible account of travelling through the world of her mom's dementia with a daughter and her family. I've been reading and doing a bit of research. It really has helped me understand and not fear visiting the home or being uncomfortable around those who do have different stages of dementia.

Mable [not her real name] was really quite put out at not being at her normal cafeteria table. I'd be busy listening to the others talk and I'd watch her out of the corner of my eye. She kept rearranging an empty spot on the table over and over. She reached over and picked up a napkin and asked me to read it to her.
I asked her to help me with it.
Mabel said, "It is signed Olga [something...I couldn't make out what she said]." She handed me the napkin and I studied it for a moment and said, "Yes it does!"
She nodded and put it back on the table.

Lorraine pulled on my arm and I squatted next to her. She asked who I was and I told her that I was Lenise's daughter in law.
Lorraine looked at me and asked, "Do you know my mother?"
I answered no.
She said, "My mother said she'd be here. I don't see her, will you watch for her?"
I said sure...

Mabel reached into the center of the table for a little white pumpkin decoration and picked it up. She oohed and ahhed over it for a moment and then announced it was a cupcake.
She shoved it to her mouth and tried to bite it. The other ladies told her 'No!' while I gently pried it from her and set it out of her reach.
"But I want that donut!" she said.

The table conversation was in fits and starts. Lenise would ask Mabel a question and Mabel would stare off into the distance. Lorraine would say something and Lenise would answer. Mary would jump in with her mantra regarding the Green Bay Packers.
Mabel suddenly pointed to an empty spot on the table and asked, "Do you see that? It is so bright and pretty!"
Her hands lifted and her eyes followed something up to the cafeteria ceiling.
"Look look," she kept saying, "it is so pretty! Do you see it?"

See here is where a bit of understanding comes into play. Arguing with Mabel wouldn't have done anyone any good. Lorraine looked up and then asked me if I'd seen her mother again.
Mary gazed off into the distance.
Lenise looked up and then said to Mabel, "Did you spill spaghetti on the floor?"

However Mabel was entranced by her vision of something beautiful and her face was absolutely at peace and full of joy.

Lorraine asked me for some more coffee. Mabel asked me who I was. Mary left. And so it went with snippets of conversation around watching the ladies make Lefse.

I finally asked Lenise if she'd like to go back to her room. I had a few things to get done in town and needed to get home for chores and supper. As far as I was concerned, Lenise had a very good day. She was pretty sharp. We tooled down the hallway and when I got to the end she pointed the way to her room.

I stopped to turn her into the doorway and she pointed to her name and room number.
"See!" she said, "there is my name and number. They keep moving my room and putting my name on so many doors!"
No use in correcting her.
I ask where she'd like to Park and she points.
"Is this the same room that you got me from?" she asks.
"Yes ma'am," I reply, "there is your afghan!" I reach out and straighten it out.
"Don't bother 'they' left it like that when they moved me," she says.

I think this may be her way of being a little upset when she knows I'm going to leave. I'm not sure. I sit on her bed and take her hand then tell her I'll come again.
Small consolation, I think to myself. I hug her and gather my coat and things.

I look over my shoulder as I leave her room and she is staring at the wall her hands in her lap.

I feel my heart squeezed a bit and... then turn to go brave the cold snowy world and return home to take care of Rich.

Molly the nurse stopped me outside in the hallway and asked if I 'get a break' from CareGiving. I smile and shake my head.

"You know how families can be," I reply, "I'm not bitter or angry. Just sad that the family is losing such precious moments like those I get to have."

Treasures!

This little pot below was in a box with some chicken figurines, salt and pepper shakers, and a 'Teapot' as the guy said.

It is not a teapot but a Drip-O-Lator Coffee Pot made around the 1920-1930's. There would have been a drip thing that goes on between the lid and the pot itself.

Interesting!

Wish I would have taken an interest in Antique stuff when MIL was doing these things. 

It is fun to figure out what some of this is.

Trinket Box. I was surprised to find this in the box too. It is cute as all get out. Tiny as can be too. 

It could hold about two wedding rings inside of it.

The Rooster and Hen figurines is what I wanted. Heck I tried to get my MIL for years to sell or gift these figures to me. She always said no, but never in a mean way. I just loved them ever since I first saw them.
I've looked these up and now I understand why she kept them. They do have a nice value to them. I wasn't looking for the value, I just loved the chickens!

The tiny chicken salt and pepper shakers!
The checker board behind them was another item I purchased. Just as a reminder of all the wonderful times I had at Mom's place and how I've always admired her homes and neat decorations.

This is something I saw when the auctioneer held it up. For some reason, I'd never noticed this before in MIL's collection of neat glass paper weights. She really loved these things and had quite the collection.

This is a St. Clair 'Carnival Glass' paperweight. Pretty unusual.
I didn't intend on getting any paper weights, but this was so different than any I'd seen, I purchased it.
When I got home I had to look up what 'Carnival Glass' was and what and who St. Clair was.
It is pretty and odd.
It suits me fine.

Copper Ash/Coal Scuttle.
I love the lions face on the handles.

My mother in law had this in her apartment and over many years I recall helping her decorate her place with her silk flower arrangements in all of these cool and odd containers. To tell you the truth I thought it was pretty and kind of odd at the same time. Hey, I am odd too. When I bought this at the auction I just did because it was neat.
Then I thought ... Hey I can put my stick Christmas Tree in this! Many folks use them as an umbrella stand. I have an umbrella, it is in my Subaru.

The one item I'd gone for was a sort of ... chicken nesting box/turned coffee table... primitive sort of piece. I'll have to get a good photo of it and show it off.

Years ago I admired this too. My father in law said he'd make one for me and my oldest son. We raised chickens a long time ago and this item was just so neat. It served as a small coffee table/display table in my MIL's house and in her apartment.
Lonnie had cut most of the pieces out for the duplicate table but passed away before the project ever took off.

And how is my MIL doing? Pretty well. She got to see her grand daughter this weekend and the great grand children. I was in on Monday to visit with her and she was tired and half in and out of her bed. I had a nurse help me get her situated and she asked me why I was there. I told her it was lunch time. She told me it was night time.
I let her sleep. Indeed the day was gloomy and overcast.

Her slippage changes often. Yesterday she brightly recalled her apartment when last week she didn't recall it at all. That is the confusing part of dementia/slippage for those of us who see it daily. One day is bright and clear, the next is something of a fog when there are gaps. And memories don't always fit together, but are jumbled in a different order.

However I am quite grateful for the figurines and the little treasures. I know the money from the auction goes towards paying for her care and I get to enjoy the items I so loved.

It is a sad win/win situation and a bit bittersweet in a way.

Another lunch date

I sat down with MIL after greeting the 'gang' as I started to think of them. It is funny how I get concerned if one of them doesn't show up. In a nursing home, life tends to feel a bit tenuous.

MIL started out by saying "Hello! Where have you been?" I replied I had been there yesterday and she said "No." Then she looked around and said, "Oh, you were?"
No matter, that is how things progress for her. One day blends into another seamlessly.
On Sunday's visit she'd told me that she was rather upset with the staff and I'd asked her why.

Her explanation was rather intriguing.
"Well," she said glancing sideways, "you have to be a ..." she paused, "...a woman or a MAN to get anything around here! I mean nobody pays me any attention! If I have to go to the bathroom they tell me to use the bathroom in my room! Imagine that! I have to go to my room!"

I nodded, "So you have to be a man or a woman to get the staff's attention." I couldn't help but ask.
"YES, and if I want to go to a meal, they just tell me to go ahead! Nobody gives me a push or takes me there! I want to go home. You take me now."

I wanted to venture a guess that the staff was following doctor's orders... trying to see if she was capable to do things on her own, not being mean. But I just kept my mouth shut. As soon as it was time for her to go to lunch, I asked if she wanted to go.
She immediately said yes, and that I could push her. As I wheeled her to lunch she commented that I didn't drive as fast as most of the people who pushed her.

Monday lunch.
The usual characters.
Lisa was asleep at her end of the table. She kept waking up and dozing off. Then a staff member came in and took her Glucose Reading [away from the table]. Lisa woke up then and started to glance around. She left her lunch and backed up her wheel chair to move over towards John.
John was watching her and trying to negotiate spaghetti and meatballs with his one hand.
She kept inching closer, murmuring to John.

I watched and wondered again about Nursing Home romances. A staff member came up and asked Lisa to leave John alone and go eat her meal please.
My MIL was busy trying to cut up her meatballs. When another staff member put a glass of water, chocolate milk, and coffee in front of her she protested loudly.

"Take that water away! I don't drink water!"
The staff member smiled and said, "Honey, I have to give it to you, it is required."
MIL snorted and shoved the glass with the back of her hand and spilled water all over the table.

Joan perked up from her near slumber at that. "Oh, honey! Drink your water! It is so good for you!"
MIL pushed the glass again and made a face. She turned to me and said, "See? I don't get any attention!"
My usual method is to divert and change the subject when she gets a bit upset and it works pretty well.

I noted that MIL had her bright green jacket that she was sitting on. I inquired if it had been cold. MIL picked up the chocolate pudding and started to scoop it up.
"Yes, it was cold this morning! I had my housecoat on."

She stopped what she was doing and leaned towards me. I think she meant to whisper what she said next, but she didn't. She was actually quite loud. "I peed on it so they had to take it to the laundry and the nice girl got me this jacket out of the closet."
She smiled as if the peeing incident was something quite special and turned her attention back to the chocolate pudding.

I drank some of my bottled water.

Lisa spoke up from the end of the table.
"You know," she said, "my Brother In Law was afraid that I was going to steal his brother from him."

Most of us turned to Lisa.
"I don't know why he thought that," she continued, "he was my husband."

Joan shrugged, MIL ate her pudding, John opened his mouth in a silent laugh, and Lisa returned to eating, only to fall asleep at her spot.

Note: Visiting a nursing home where a loved one is, can and is rewarding. You have to have a grasp of what how to handle your loved one's illnesses are and learn how to deal with things like such as dementia. 
My visits are always rewarding. My MIL is always happy to see me and asks for hugs which I give freely. The other residents thank me for coming to see them at their noon meal.
Most importantly, I listen and don't judge. 
Interestingly enough, each table group is like a small social group. I am often reminded of my high school cafeteria, where all of the cliques sat together and chatted.
I actually look forward to each time I visit and have found that lunch time is the best time. Everyone is more alert.
If you have someone you love in a home. Go visit.
It will be rewarding to the both of you.

One flew over the Cuckoo's Nest..

Anyone remember that movie or the title?

That is what lunch with MIL is like. 5 people at the lunch table getting their bibs on. I help anyone who asks if they'd like help. Conversations are funny. One lady ~ Joan is a literal blabber mouth. She will talk up a storm! She was rather down today, apparently her daughter doesn't come visit often. 

My MIL's provider visited her today. Asked how she was. MIL said "so-so", the doctor asked to listen to her lungs as she had been treated for pneumonia two weeks ago. The doc asked her if her cough got better. MIL looked at her and said "what cough? I wasn't sick!" MIL dove into her orange slices as the doc listened to her lungs. She told MIL she still had a bit of crackle and pop in the lower left lob of her lung. MIL said "do not," and devoured her noodles. 

The doctor asked how was her OT? MIL said "don't have that. I had more of that when I was in my apartment." Doc explained that the OT was going to change her leg wraps more because she was leaking and had wounds and the diuretics to remove the fluid were no longer working as they should.

MIL ignored her and slurped her Shasta then dove into her biscuit. Finally the doctor asked MIL who I was and I identified myself as her daughter in law. The others at the table watched and listened but mostly just were curious as to who the lady with the stethoscope was. 

Joan went on about something about her hands and her daughter and how she didn't want to eat. She laughed. John who sits across from her spent about 4 minutes recapturing the orange slices off his bib with his one good hand. When he did his face came alive with joy! He got the slices into his mouth and 'mouthed' out the word "WOW!"

Then he tried to creep over to Lisa at the end of the table who likes to close her eyes to put food in her mouth. Lisa saw that and turned herself towards him saying, "I'm fat! I have to drink my water before soda! HI John!" She and he crept towards each other. John's wheel chair was locked but he is a big guy and kept lurching it. Lisa and John got hold of each other to .. heck, I don't know what they intended to do...! But I signaled an aide and we got them sorted before one or the other flipped out of their chairs. Lisa proclaimed it was "Good! Nice day. I don't have to eat today, I'm not coming tomorrow." This as she was eating.

Um. The lady next to her Karen... spoke softly then said "Don't be crazy you have to come tomorrow."

"No I don't."

"Yes I do."

John on the other side was making faces. Joan decided she'd had enough and pushed through Karen's backside to leave. Wheelchair bumper car. More aides and we got that sorted.

MIL asked me who that lady was that had just seen her. I said, "Your doctor."

MIL: "Oh no, she isn't. I think my doctor is in Viroqua. And why do they keep changing my room? Every time I leave they move my room!"

I asked if the lunchroom mob would like me to visit tomorrow as their were no activities due to it being 4th of July. I said we could do a wheelchair parade. 

John mimed clapping with one hand. Lisa said she didn't have to come tomorrow...only on Thursdays. Joan was scooting down the hall and Karen said, "Sure but it isn't 4th of July, it is December but it is too hot."

Of course, that made perfect sense.

I got MIL part of the way to her room. I am not allowed to push her if she doesn't have her leg rests in. MIL was upset I had to leave to get Rich. I found someone to let them know she said she'd need help to find her room again. I turned around to leave and ran into John who tried to high five me.

I think MIL's floor is for dementia patients. Now let me say that some days we have the greatest sanest conversations, on other days I am not sure what is going on. 

I really must say that I do love visiting with these folks. One day Lisa took my hand and thanked me for having the courage to come and sit with them as often as I did. To tell you the truth, I kinda dig them. 

So Charlie will have a long walk early in the day, a bath and then I will decorate him with r/w/b spangly bows on his harness and we will go visitin'. It is supposed to be wretched and stormy so why not?

Just as long as they don't keep me.

Catching up busy...

Some infrared photos from this past week

This past week has been a busy one. Appointments at the VA and an appointment for the Subaru.
Struggling to mow the yard on the days when I won't float the mower.
Changing the oil and doing maintenance on the 4 wheeler, the zero turn mower, and working on the tiller. All jobs I that were deferred before to 'the boss'.

Thankfully, my neighbor was been kind enough to spend most of Sunday afternoon showing me how to go through these engines. I learned new terms.
Two cycle and 4 cycle engines. He even found an adjustment on my little mower and it mows better!

Now the yard is shaggy again, but I have my flowers all in and the flowers I wanted seeded...are seeded.
There are family 'things' going on but I choose not to address them on a public blog of course.

 The hill that we normally let the pony graze and keep trimmed. It has

been too wet for that this year. I 

had to hand mow it this last weekend. 

I think it looks nicer mowed than pony

mowed.

 West side of the house. I have some very hardy

plants in here,

and I moved the hosta as it 

never does well in the heat

of the summer.

I added mulch to keep

the moisture in during 

the dry spells.

Not showy flowers, but some interesting

colorful herbs.

One day I may actually put a border

around the edge.

The innards of the 4 wheeler.

It was cutting out so we took it 

apart.

I think it should be okay after

all the work we did.

I put up a hummingbird feeder next to the east window in the eating area. The Hummers are plentiful. Today I'm going to grab an Oriole feeder and put it up as well. They are trying to get into the hummer's feeder and keep landing on the porch and singing to me.

They will only be around until late June, but I would like to enjoy seeing them close up. Besides Rich enjoys seeing them also.

I've been visiting my MIL in the Nursing Home and some days she is really not very with it. Her dementia has progressed or she is confused as she is in the 'home' for now. They ... the care team is considering returning her to her apartment with more help.

Two nurses stopped me yesterday to ask if I could help them come up with an idea to keep her feet up because of her edema.

Such the rebel. MIL puts her feet down as soon as PT/OT leaves the room or one of the nurses or aids. She needs to have them up so that the edema can be controlled. I guess she has trouble figuring out night and day also. 

All this is expected going forward with dementia and her kidney failure. MIL is rather unconcerned about anything other than getting back to her own bed.

On the days I visit, I always call home on my cell phone and let mother and son talk for a while.

I did take some time for myself yesterday and managed to take a nice quiet walk in the dreary weather. I even found more morels!

I'm looking forward to a few more fun things coming up at the end of the month....

Away away...

Google Maps and directions said that it would take two hours and thirty minutes to Eau Claire.

It felt strange to set out on an adventure to a place I'd never been and to meet a person who I didn't really know. Well, she is married to one of my cousins so we just call each other cousin.
It started in the fall when I received a package from Jeanette with a letter.

An unexepected surprise...

I called Jeanette and we talked for quite a while on the phone. We decided to meet up after the holidays and get together. Both of us are CareGivers and we thought it would be fun to schedule a break. 

Well suffice to say that Winter became a daunting barrier for any get together. But finally our planned weekend worked out and we were able to meet up.

Eau Claire is a stunning Wisconsin city with beautiful parks and trails everywhere. On one side of the river the buildings rose glistening and stunning. On the other side of the river we walked along small Victorian homes with no road in front of them to block the river's view. College kids were everywhere on skateboards, bicycles, and foot. We watched one young man with ear buds on dance as he walked. While we were on the bridge above the river a woman dressed in a business suit and walking shoes glided past us and met up with a man sitting on a bench. We watched a young lady try to execute a couple of fancy jumps with roller skates ... and fail. 

Wow. I'm getting ahead of myself. Our first day was spent exploring Eau Claire. We got lost but my Garmin saved the day. We spent some time walking through a mall and window shopping. We talked.
And we talked.
and..
we
talked.
So much time had passed in our lives that we had years and years to catch up on. A history of our own lives, that of our children, our grand children...our family members...well that list seemed endless. We ended up being quite surprised that suddenly it was 1am.

We decided to go to sleep and begin our day with a good breakfast across the street and a hike in Carson Park. 

So when we found Carson Park we decided to just take off and start walking. We talked about the how we ended up here. We talked about my parents and my father. I am so surprised at how all of my cousins I've spoken to have such wonderfully fond memories of my father. They loved Tom, he was such a kind man and so interesting.
Of course that subject came up as I pulled my camera out of my backpack and took some snaps of our walk.

 Below~ Paul Bunyan Logging Camp Museum

Thank goodness for Smart Phones. Neither one of us were familiar with good places to eat or places to walk.  We looked these items up on our phones and then followed Miss Garmin to the locations.

I got to speak to Jeanette's husband and was so surprised to hear that David had the same Midwestern twang I'd admired when he was a teen...and that belly laugh from deep down under was the same.

We checked out of the motel and headed to the restaurant across the street. We talked more over breakfast and eventually we both decided that we'd both have to go back to our homes.

However we made tentative plans for another visit in July. We are going to try and do an informal get together of the cousins. 

It seems we did well with our planning for our initial meet up. Winter storm warnings have been issued all across the state. We are both safely home and back to our CareGiving duties.

I'm watching the snow cover the green grass as I finish up typing this....

March Madness

I have no idea of where to start things.

I thought March Madness was meant for the college basketball playoffs or NBA or something like that.

It isn't. It is what is going on here.

Monday and Tuesday were pretty tame. Not much going on. I took Charlie hiking and spent time with Sven and teaching him to come and work on a line.

We went from Frozen to Rain/Frozen overnight on Tuesday evening. Little short video of my sled that I used to take some trash up to the dumpster that my neighbors and I share. Taken with the cell phone but it was pretty funny.

By late afternoon the township truck did come through and sanded the hill.
Rich called his mom and wished her a happy 88th birthday and she was quite chatty and said she'd just had a shower and had to clean up the mess. [This was a big deal as MIL keeps insisting that she only had a shower last week when it has been much much longer than that. I found out later that Helping Hands assisted after months of trying and finally got her showered. MIL tends to come in and out of reality quite a bit.]

The Field Agent from the VA called, I advised her not to drive down our hill and walked up to meet her. Her name was Jane and she was a very pleasant person.
Everything was straightened out and I had worried needlessly.
Jane explained how in some situations the wives of veterans had mistreated their husband's pensions. I was a bit shocked by that. She talked of a situation where the wife took the pension money and bought things for a boyfriend.

The phone rang again and it was MIL. Her sister had passed away and she wanted to go right now to the funeral. Rich had to take her now. Rich tried to explain to his mom that he didn't drive anymore and that he couldn't make the 3 hour drive anyway. Sometimes MIL loses a sense of time and space. So when she says now, she may mean not now. She has no conception of how sick her son really is either.

Meanwhile the rains started in again and the temperatures climbed. Snow and ice began to crash off the roof.

I got another phone call from my step daughter who said she got a text from her Aunt in Utah that MIL's freezer wasn't working properly.
I was confused as to why a message like that had to go half way around the country to come back to me. But I knew how to handle it rather quickly.

I emailed MIL's Guardian to let her know about the issue.

Helping Hands reported back to me that the fridge had not been working for at least a week. They had to toss all of the items in the fridge.

We are working on getting MIL to her sister's funeral that hasn't been planned yet. The rivers are flooding, roads are covered in areas...and the stress hasn't been positive for Rich.

Steph and Steve and the kids are coming this weekend to visit.

I took two time outs yesterday and went to watch the snow melt dash down the rocks and creek. I took my neighbor and the dogs on one of the trips. The dogs played in knee deep snow and slush while we watched the waters tumble down the hillsides and roar into the normally very quiet stream.

I need to get back to catching up on all of the fun animal things from the past few days.
How Charlie and I got stuck in deep snow! How much fun it has been playing with Sven the Goat!

Toodles...

An unexpected surprise

Friday was an interesting day, the mail lady pulled up to the house with her 'newer' Jeep and delivered a package. It was a large box.

I opened it and found a letter from my cousin's wife explaining what was inside.

Slides from 1962, 1964, and a vacation that my folks and grandparents went on with my brother to Yellowstone. 

Included in the package was an 8 by 10 of a family 'portrait' of sorts. I found this quite unusual as my father was always the one behind the camera and I rarely recall him being in many photos.

Also inside the box were some items that my Grandmother Pearl had made. I found a spiral notebook that she used to collect her directions on how to make doilies. Samples were included in the book. I imagine she cut the directions our of a newspaper and glued them into the pages of the notebook. 

There are some hand written notes on many of the pages. The pencil notes are nearly faded away, but there were some in pen also.

I found the items perfect for some Still Life on a very rainy day.

The pin cushion is one she made and the pins are still in it from Grandma's sewing days.

Other treasures include some hand towels that Grandma re-purposed from old beach towels. And some of her very famous patchwork potholders. One is not quite finished but now I can see how she did them and perhaps make some of my own.

I'm looking into getting some slides copied onto a DVD. There are photos of my sister and I riding Babe which was my Uncle's horse. One funny and great shot is of my brother sitting on Dusty backwards and my cousin Aaron sitting facing forward.

I've looked at pricing a slide scanner just for that purpose, but there isn't that many in this batch. My brother I believe has a huge box of slides. I'm going to use a local scanning service first and see how that works out.

I don't have the thousands of slides like my brother does, however I am curious and a bit excited to be able to see some of those old photos ... without trying to hold it up to a light bulb!

Snow! April is Bizarre!

We had quite the unusual storm for April. These are views of the driveway and then scenes from the top of the ridge where the mailbox is.

Charlie didn't mind the snow until it was over his head. Here he is running and playing. He also was under the impression that he could catch a Robin. Or at the very least chase it.

He gave up later when the snow was over his head. I had to make a trail for him to do his business.

Morning came and the new snow added some beauty to the dull landscape.

Sunlight arrives in our valley about an hour after sunrise.

Charlie threw a fit when I got dressed to walk out and explore the morning light. I let him out with me and we got about 30 yards before he squalled about the snow being over his head.
I stuffed him in my coveralls and took a walk.

Home Sweet Home. Everything seemed more brilliant in the fresh snow fall.

Even the 'Ru looked pretty.

I took Charlie back in and went back out to do chores so that Rich could just concentrate on plowing.

I knew there would be a rapid snow melt but Charlie had a vet appointment for his distemper booster and I had to take care of some MIL business in town.

I thought the snow was stunning.

The Plow Man, however, was not impressed.

And the blue birds weren't either.

Charlie though, thought he had a great place to observe the plowing and cleaning of the Subaru.

We lost most of the snow in one day.

I hope to get back from my errands today to observe and enjoy the snow melt and run off into the creek.

It will be in the 50's again today.
I'm going to take my SIL to check out an Assisted Living place in town.

Enjoy your day. Generally this time of the year I am out in the forest photographing these little beauties....

Girls Day Out

My MIL has had some health issues. She had a fall and was admitted to the hospital. She spent time in rehab at a local nursing home. It was discovered that she had some 'cognitive impairment' and let's just leave it at that.

Things have been pretty strained. Yesterday, I volunteered to take my SIL and MIL to her video visit with a kidney doctor.

Things were strained on the drive which took almost 40 minutes. Oh I could have made it much faster, but I took my time, feeling the electricity and discomfort that permeated the vehicle. MIL knows that her care is now in the hands of her appointed Health POA and Financial POA agents. She isn't happy about that and is resentful of it.
I get that, but I also understand that she doesn't realize that she does indeed need help.

So to break the silence and tension, I asked my MIL if she could direct me to where we were going. She perked up and said of course she could. Well that was better than the tense silence that was thrumming in the vehicle. I did know where I was going, but I also understood that my MIL has suffered from losing control of her 'life' as she sees it.
Hmmm, I don't know if I actually consciously knew this or am I realizing what I did after the fact.

I followed her directions and she instructed me to drop her off at the door and then I could park the car. I leaped out of the Subaru and grabbed her walker out of the hatch back and handed it to her. SIL and MIL headed inside.
I caught up with them shortly and prepared to sit in the waiting room. I'd brought my Kindle and was going to play while MIL and SIL saw the doctor via video. SIL had the right to be there, I didn't and was surprised when the nurse called MIL and immediately SIL and her exchanged heated words. I was motioned to come along and I could feel MIL seething as she clunked her walker down the hallway.

After the appointment, I trotted out to get the car and pick the ladies up. I broke the silence by asking "Where to?"

They answered in unison, "The Meat Locker!"
I deferred to MIL for directions as SIL doesn't drive and really doesn't know the town well enough to give directions. After a couple of not quite right turns, we arrived. Again, I leaped out and grabbed the walker. I waited outside like a chauffeur [really, that is exactly what I was for the day] and assisted the ladies with their purchases and the handling of the walker.

MIL expressed her wishes to eat lunch out. I had her direct me to the little restaurant and we had a nice conversation and lunch.

On our drive home I announced that we were going to play the Dead Animal Game. I explained that a person got points by spotting road kill and rules were made up as we went along. I spotted a dried up deer on the side of the road and claimed two points for it.
My MIL suddenly announced a few miles later that she saw a Dead Cow laying behind a barn, behind a tree. She announced that she now had 10 points. SIL inquired as to the validity of the claim with a smile in her voice. I laughed and indicated that she was now winning. SIL said she saw a dead squirrel on a hill half a mile away. 1 Point!

As we crossed over a bridge two mallards flew over head. I pointed them out. MIL quickly said that she was deducting 2 points for calling out live animals.
I feigned anger and then signaled and pulled over slowly to the side of the road.

My MIL had a hand over her mouth and was laughing. I leaned towards her and told her that I may just decide to make her walk! By this time both women were laughing. MIL had tears of laughter glistening at the edges of her eyes.

The rest of the drive home was spent making up animals and scouting out 'fixer upper' homes for additional points.

There was no scowling or grumpy faces when I dropped the two of them back off at the apartment.