Caring

I bet it sounds and looks like all I do is fool around with entertaining myself. I do have chores to do morning and night. I have six equine and a goat to care for. Ice balls on the bottoms of hooves to pick out a few times a day, and a stock tank to keep an eye on.

Sometimes when it is snowy, I ride the hay sled right down the hill and bale out at the last second before it goes under the electric wire. It is funny as the horse spins and acts like there is a fire breathing dragon chasing her and the mules follow the sled and wait for me to empty it out and pick feet out while they are eating.

Inside there is a daily routine of care for my husband. Make his coffee [I drink mine stronger], bring him his coffee as he shakes so bad he usually leaves most of it on the floor before he can sit down. Set up his oatmeal so he can make it and make an effort to talk with him about "What we might do today." 

We don't go anywhere so really I just make conversation about stuff in general. After breakfast I do his 'personal' care and keep him company while he decides if he is going to take a nap, stare out the window, or watch a program. 

That's when I think up crazy things to do indoors with still life to entertain myself when not cleaning or doing things for him. 

Nap time is when I usually take Charlie for a walk. No deep woods for us right now. The snow is too deep for Charlie and the coyotes are running. It is breeding season and they have run across the yard chasing each other during daylight hours. 

I do leave Charlie at home when I head down to the creek. I leave a set of keys with Rich so he can set off the car alarm if he needs help. I'm never out of earshot. Once a week, I do plan an offsite expedition. It may be the store, or the Kickapoo Reserve. 
Yes, I carry a cell phone too, but Rich has a hard time figuring out which speed dial number he should push. I have the speed dial number taped to the back of the phone. 

On bad his bad days, I don't leave the house and Charlie gets no walk.
Shrug.

The evenings are like the mornings but in reverse order. It all builds up to eating supper and sitting on the couch with him and Charlie to watch a program. By 8pm he is ready for bed. And again the quiet settles over the house. 

Somehow this winter seems so much harder. It may be the increased isolation and it may be the endless hours of non-conversations in a house that used to be full of discussions. Or it could be the dreary days.
I know I miss my CrossFit times at the gym, though I had to give that up. 

So this person entertains herself by being imaginative. I am very lucky though. We have not gotten sick other than the 3 day stint in December and we have a roof over our heads and food...

That's the way things go...

Beautiful Night Hike at Wildcat Mountain State Park:

The full moon was bright and clear once it came above the horizon.

Tiki Torches lit the trail which was a bit slick in spots from the ice storm. But it was worth it!

I took the above shot knowing that it would turn out pretty crappy, but in my mind's eye...

I saw this:

After all, the moon the trees, the reflections off the ice and snow where amazing and so beautiful!


I'd made some awesome creamed chicken soup from leftovers and so Sunday was just a lazy day of folding laundry and doing chores.

While I was doing chores the phone rang and Rich didn't pick it up as he didn't recognize the number. But he called me in...actually he went outside onto the porch and flagged me down!

The call was from the Guardian and his mother was being taken to the local ER, could I call the Guardian back? I was watching the water tank fill so I texted the Guardian.

MIL was suspected to have pneumonia could I notify my SIL? I texted sure and made the call. SIL calls back as I am getting my coat on.
"What's up? What's going on? How is she?..." you know the endless questions that one wants to ask.
I remind her that she is calling on the landline, so I am still at the house and not at the hospital. I suppose I should be used to her knee jerk reactions by now. So I tell her I will text her after I see her mother.

I do get to the hospital as the nurses are setting up IV antibiotics. Mom sounds tough and she rattles and has labored breathing. They have her on 02 but she is in good spirits and seems to be well aware of what is going on.
The nurses are vague as far as any diagnosis but do say that they are treating for suspected pneumonia. Blood tests reveal that there is an infection.
I help MIL eat a sandwhich and she loves the fresh fruit plate, dislikes the coffee, and dislikes the soda and states to the nurses that she will NOT drink water.
One of her IV's is for re-hydration of course.

I stay until she is settled and falls asleep.

I did inform SIL via text and she starts asking: Is this related to her legs?

I scratch my head. MIL is near stage IV kidney failure so has badly swollen legs but I'm not sure what the connection is except that MIL is not very healthy and has several medical issues going on all of the time. That is why she is a resident in the nursing home.

I text back: I don't know.
She texts back: I KNOW

I don't answer as I am perplexed as to how she knows everything. Besides, SIL rarely makes much sense.


At 6am this morning I start getting texts from SIL in Utah.
"How is the patient?"
She means well, but sometimes I think SIL has an alternate reality where I am her personal assistant from afar.
I text back: "It is 6am and I have to plow and do chores, take care of your brother...I am not at the hospital."
Her reply: "So when are you going to be there?"

I think about the things I'd like to say. But am pleasant in my reply:
"When I get there."
I wanted to say....If you are concerned, you can get there first.
Snarky as she moved to Utah and we are in Wisconsin.

But not Snarky because she told me that she did not want to care for her mother or visit her.

So there.
So please don't expect me to be extra kind to relatives that pretend to care so much but really don't.

That's the way things go...

The Lefse event at the Nursing Home

While at CrossFit yesterday morning, one of the young ladies I work out with told me that there was 'Lefse Making' at the home where my MIL is at, was I going to come?
Since it was snowing and blowing and most of my 'to do' list was complete, I said I'd go.

I woke Lenise up when I got to her room and sat with her while she slowly gained her senses.
She said she was tired, I replied that they were doing a Lefse making 'thing' down in the cafeteria and that I'd come special, just to spend the afternoon with her.

Success! I got her out of bed, slippers and glasses put on... and off we went. We wheeled into the cafeteria as the Lefse Ladies were starting to roll out the dough.

Lefse dough consists of pounds and pounds of potatoes peeled and cooked then run through a ricer. Hmm, easier to provide a link than it is to explain it since I am not a baking person.

Sons of Norway: Lefse Making

I parked Lenise so that she could see the ladies rolling out the dough and using the stick to transfer it to the grill thing. Pretty soon we had a table of four residents all trying to make conversation.

I passed out coffee to the ladies and tried to field questions.

Mary told everyone and anyone who was there that she liked the Packers and that she was from Green Bay and she was of German descent. Mabel was worried that she was at the wrong table and didn't know us. It seemed to bother her a lot.
Lorraine announced that she didn't recognize anyone and that was okay because she was pretty sure that we were okay.
Lenise told the girls that she lived in an apartment in town in Viroqua. Then said she had an apartment in Readstown. Minutes later she told them she had a room at the Home just like them.

I recently finished a very good book Where Memories Go: Why Dementia Changes Everything by Sally Magnusson.
It is an incredible account of travelling through the world of her mom's dementia with a daughter and her family. I've been reading and doing a bit of research. It really has helped me understand and not fear visiting the home or being uncomfortable around those who do have different stages of dementia.

Mable [not her real name] was really quite put out at not being at her normal cafeteria table. I'd be busy listening to the others talk and I'd watch her out of the corner of my eye. She kept rearranging an empty spot on the table over and over. She reached over and picked up a napkin and asked me to read it to her.
I asked her to help me with it.
Mabel said, "It is signed Olga [something...I couldn't make out what she said]." She handed me the napkin and I studied it for a moment and said, "Yes it does!"
She nodded and put it back on the table.

Lorraine pulled on my arm and I squatted next to her. She asked who I was and I told her that I was Lenise's daughter in law.
Lorraine looked at me and asked, "Do you know my mother?"
I answered no.
She said, "My mother said she'd be here. I don't see her, will you watch for her?"
I said sure...

Mabel reached into the center of the table for a little white pumpkin decoration and picked it up. She oohed and ahhed over it for a moment and then announced it was a cupcake.
She shoved it to her mouth and tried to bite it. The other ladies told her 'No!' while I gently pried it from her and set it out of her reach.
"But I want that donut!" she said.

The table conversation was in fits and starts. Lenise would ask Mabel a question and Mabel would stare off into the distance. Lorraine would say something and Lenise would answer. Mary would jump in with her mantra regarding the Green Bay Packers.
Mabel suddenly pointed to an empty spot on the table and asked, "Do you see that? It is so bright and pretty!"
Her hands lifted and her eyes followed something up to the cafeteria ceiling.
"Look look," she kept saying, "it is so pretty! Do you see it?"

See here is where a bit of understanding comes into play. Arguing with Mabel wouldn't have done anyone any good. Lorraine looked up and then asked me if I'd seen her mother again.
Mary gazed off into the distance.
Lenise looked up and then said to Mabel, "Did you spill spaghetti on the floor?"

However Mabel was entranced by her vision of something beautiful and her face was absolutely at peace and full of joy.

Lorraine asked me for some more coffee. Mabel asked me who I was. Mary left. And so it went with snippets of conversation around watching the ladies make Lefse.

I finally asked Lenise if she'd like to go back to her room. I had a few things to get done in town and needed to get home for chores and supper. As far as I was concerned, Lenise had a very good day. She was pretty sharp. We tooled down the hallway and when I got to the end she pointed the way to her room.

I stopped to turn her into the doorway and she pointed to her name and room number.
"See!" she said, "there is my name and number. They keep moving my room and putting my name on so many doors!"
No use in correcting her.
I ask where she'd like to Park and she points.
"Is this the same room that you got me from?" she asks.
"Yes ma'am," I reply, "there is your afghan!" I reach out and straighten it out.
"Don't bother 'they' left it like that when they moved me," she says.

I think this may be her way of being a little upset when she knows I'm going to leave. I'm not sure. I sit on her bed and take her hand then tell her I'll come again.
Small consolation, I think to myself. I hug her and gather my coat and things.

I look over my shoulder as I leave her room and she is staring at the wall her hands in her lap.

I feel my heart squeezed a bit and... then turn to go brave the cold snowy world and return home to take care of Rich.

Molly the nurse stopped me outside in the hallway and asked if I 'get a break' from CareGiving. I smile and shake my head.

"You know how families can be," I reply, "I'm not bitter or angry. Just sad that the family is losing such precious moments like those I get to have."

Another lunch date

I sat down with MIL after greeting the 'gang' as I started to think of them. It is funny how I get concerned if one of them doesn't show up. In a nursing home, life tends to feel a bit tenuous.

MIL started out by saying "Hello! Where have you been?" I replied I had been there yesterday and she said "No." Then she looked around and said, "Oh, you were?"
No matter, that is how things progress for her. One day blends into another seamlessly.
On Sunday's visit she'd told me that she was rather upset with the staff and I'd asked her why.

Her explanation was rather intriguing.
"Well," she said glancing sideways, "you have to be a ..." she paused, "...a woman or a MAN to get anything around here! I mean nobody pays me any attention! If I have to go to the bathroom they tell me to use the bathroom in my room! Imagine that! I have to go to my room!"

I nodded, "So you have to be a man or a woman to get the staff's attention." I couldn't help but ask.
"YES, and if I want to go to a meal, they just tell me to go ahead! Nobody gives me a push or takes me there! I want to go home. You take me now."

I wanted to venture a guess that the staff was following doctor's orders... trying to see if she was capable to do things on her own, not being mean. But I just kept my mouth shut. As soon as it was time for her to go to lunch, I asked if she wanted to go.
She immediately said yes, and that I could push her. As I wheeled her to lunch she commented that I didn't drive as fast as most of the people who pushed her.

Monday lunch.
The usual characters.
Lisa was asleep at her end of the table. She kept waking up and dozing off. Then a staff member came in and took her Glucose Reading [away from the table]. Lisa woke up then and started to glance around. She left her lunch and backed up her wheel chair to move over towards John.
John was watching her and trying to negotiate spaghetti and meatballs with his one hand.
She kept inching closer, murmuring to John.

I watched and wondered again about Nursing Home romances. A staff member came up and asked Lisa to leave John alone and go eat her meal please.
My MIL was busy trying to cut up her meatballs. When another staff member put a glass of water, chocolate milk, and coffee in front of her she protested loudly.

"Take that water away! I don't drink water!"
The staff member smiled and said, "Honey, I have to give it to you, it is required."
MIL snorted and shoved the glass with the back of her hand and spilled water all over the table.

Joan perked up from her near slumber at that. "Oh, honey! Drink your water! It is so good for you!"
MIL pushed the glass again and made a face. She turned to me and said, "See? I don't get any attention!"
My usual method is to divert and change the subject when she gets a bit upset and it works pretty well.

I noted that MIL had her bright green jacket that she was sitting on. I inquired if it had been cold. MIL picked up the chocolate pudding and started to scoop it up.
"Yes, it was cold this morning! I had my housecoat on."

She stopped what she was doing and leaned towards me. I think she meant to whisper what she said next, but she didn't. She was actually quite loud. "I peed on it so they had to take it to the laundry and the nice girl got me this jacket out of the closet."
She smiled as if the peeing incident was something quite special and turned her attention back to the chocolate pudding.

I drank some of my bottled water.

Lisa spoke up from the end of the table.
"You know," she said, "my Brother In Law was afraid that I was going to steal his brother from him."

Most of us turned to Lisa.
"I don't know why he thought that," she continued, "he was my husband."

Joan shrugged, MIL ate her pudding, John opened his mouth in a silent laugh, and Lisa returned to eating, only to fall asleep at her spot.

Note: Visiting a nursing home where a loved one is, can and is rewarding. You have to have a grasp of what how to handle your loved one's illnesses are and learn how to deal with things like such as dementia. 
My visits are always rewarding. My MIL is always happy to see me and asks for hugs which I give freely. The other residents thank me for coming to see them at their noon meal.
Most importantly, I listen and don't judge. 
Interestingly enough, each table group is like a small social group. I am often reminded of my high school cafeteria, where all of the cliques sat together and chatted.
I actually look forward to each time I visit and have found that lunch time is the best time. Everyone is more alert.
If you have someone you love in a home. Go visit.
It will be rewarding to the both of you.

Girls Day Out

My MIL has had some health issues. She had a fall and was admitted to the hospital. She spent time in rehab at a local nursing home. It was discovered that she had some 'cognitive impairment' and let's just leave it at that.

Things have been pretty strained. Yesterday, I volunteered to take my SIL and MIL to her video visit with a kidney doctor.

Things were strained on the drive which took almost 40 minutes. Oh I could have made it much faster, but I took my time, feeling the electricity and discomfort that permeated the vehicle. MIL knows that her care is now in the hands of her appointed Health POA and Financial POA agents. She isn't happy about that and is resentful of it.
I get that, but I also understand that she doesn't realize that she does indeed need help.

So to break the silence and tension, I asked my MIL if she could direct me to where we were going. She perked up and said of course she could. Well that was better than the tense silence that was thrumming in the vehicle. I did know where I was going, but I also understood that my MIL has suffered from losing control of her 'life' as she sees it.
Hmmm, I don't know if I actually consciously knew this or am I realizing what I did after the fact.

I followed her directions and she instructed me to drop her off at the door and then I could park the car. I leaped out of the Subaru and grabbed her walker out of the hatch back and handed it to her. SIL and MIL headed inside.
I caught up with them shortly and prepared to sit in the waiting room. I'd brought my Kindle and was going to play while MIL and SIL saw the doctor via video. SIL had the right to be there, I didn't and was surprised when the nurse called MIL and immediately SIL and her exchanged heated words. I was motioned to come along and I could feel MIL seething as she clunked her walker down the hallway.

After the appointment, I trotted out to get the car and pick the ladies up. I broke the silence by asking "Where to?"

They answered in unison, "The Meat Locker!"
I deferred to MIL for directions as SIL doesn't drive and really doesn't know the town well enough to give directions. After a couple of not quite right turns, we arrived. Again, I leaped out and grabbed the walker. I waited outside like a chauffeur [really, that is exactly what I was for the day] and assisted the ladies with their purchases and the handling of the walker.

MIL expressed her wishes to eat lunch out. I had her direct me to the little restaurant and we had a nice conversation and lunch.

On our drive home I announced that we were going to play the Dead Animal Game. I explained that a person got points by spotting road kill and rules were made up as we went along. I spotted a dried up deer on the side of the road and claimed two points for it.
My MIL suddenly announced a few miles later that she saw a Dead Cow laying behind a barn, behind a tree. She announced that she now had 10 points. SIL inquired as to the validity of the claim with a smile in her voice. I laughed and indicated that she was now winning. SIL said she saw a dead squirrel on a hill half a mile away. 1 Point!

As we crossed over a bridge two mallards flew over head. I pointed them out. MIL quickly said that she was deducting 2 points for calling out live animals.
I feigned anger and then signaled and pulled over slowly to the side of the road.

My MIL had a hand over her mouth and was laughing. I leaned towards her and told her that I may just decide to make her walk! By this time both women were laughing. MIL had tears of laughter glistening at the edges of her eyes.

The rest of the drive home was spent making up animals and scouting out 'fixer upper' homes for additional points.

There was no scowling or grumpy faces when I dropped the two of them back off at the apartment.

Charlie is on to something

Napping is good for catching up on lost sleep from lots of pain for several days.
The day of the extraction, I fell asleep with Charlie on my legs while I read a book.

By the way, Charlie is now starting to 'ask' to go outside for potty time. Amazing puppy! He whines at the porch door or if he is 'gated' in the kitchen he whines at the gate and then at a person and trots to the gate.

He is doing fantastic at 'Crate Training'. At night he knows he needs to go in rather reluctantly but he goes. He cries a few times and then settles in until he hears me get up in the morning. We have nailed down a good routine.
Potty.
Eat.
Play 15 minutes.
Potty.

Nap on my lap while I read the news and have coffee.

Yesterday we visited MIL in the nursing home. I was pretty excited, she is getting a new medication dispenser that basically won't allow her to take her meds at the wrong time and cause another visit to the hospital. I encouraged her to give it a go as this was what would help her get home. She is angry about it and told us that she wants to take the meds 'her' way. I hope we can work that issue out.

The snowstorm was gathering strength when we got home. I ate some soup. Rich decided it was nap time. I grabbed a book and Charlie once again supervised a reading-nap on the couch.

The rest felt very good and I was even able to sleep all night despite two days of naps.
That is fairly unusual for me.

By 9 PM the snow was up to Charlie's chest when I let him out for the night. The HUGE snowstorm didn't really appear. Charlie's chest is about 3" off the ground.
Charlie loves the polartec fleece blanket Morris used to have for his crate. He snuggles right in.

Apparently my enthusiasm with MIL over her meds and asking her if she'd like some in Home Health assistance was not appreciated. It may be the right thing to do, but...

Let's just say that my SIL got an earful about it today. MIL perceived it as me trying to 'take over'.

Nope, I already have my hands full with my husband who had a stroke and is considered to have a very mild form of Vascular Dementia, along with other health issues.
In reality I would love to concentrate on my husband's care and have someone take care of MIL so I could visit her and spend quality time. Not time filling her timed med box and assisting her in her daily activities.

I told my husband and my SIL that we had to remember that we were dealing with a woman who was very stubborn, proud, and independent thinking. Any intrusion into her life by others was seen as a "hostile takeover". Add Cognitive Issues to that mix and it gets interesting.

Much ado, much discussion. Much angst. And there is a bit of grey area because no one really knows exactly how things will go once MIL does come home.

So Charlie did what any good pup would do.

Asked to play.

He stole one of Morris's old toys off from a crate I have in the living room and gave me this look....

The ... I am adorable and innocent look.

I started tossing toys for him and he played making me laugh.

We've missed going for our daily walks and I hope to feel better soon so we can resume them.

Last thought. Elderly parents often do resent getting help from their kids or relatives and take it out on them. In their minds everyone is trying to 'take over' their lives and take away independence. I get that.

I hope I can avoid this very thing.

But Charlie keeps us smiling and laughing. And that is the best medicine, right?