This is reality

Michael Douglas in the Movie Las Vegas:

"We were 17, you know, five minutes ago. It was just yesterday. I just don't know where it all went, you know? My brain cannot conceive how old this body is."

I had a conversation via text yesterday morning with a younger friend of mine who is trying to help her mom out. Her father had died suddenly he was a pretty active man. He mowed their 3 acres and did chopping wood for heat along with anything mechanical that needed fixing. He was the proverbial handyman at home. I suspect that he handled everything around the house which included the budget and banking.

Now the mom who is in her 70's is struggling to cope with everything left on her plate.

My friend said her folks never planned ahead, never thought out what 'might' happen if one of them left before the other. No plans. 

She knew we had installed a Mini-Split in our house and wanted to know if it heated and cooled. It does, but it is for 'single zone' heating and cooling. For us, that does our entire house. We have a small cottage.

Her mom's house is a very old farmhouse. You know, the type of old farm house that has slab dab additions and is two stories tall.

I asked my friend if her mother had considered selling the mini farm and moving to a smaller and easier place to keep up. To me, it is a no brainer. I can see the wisdom of it. But she has lived in their home for 30 years or more, I can see how hard it would be to let it go.

As a kid we lived in rentals, so I was used to seeing different homes and adjusting to different places. I think the longest we lived in one place may have been around 15 years. In my first marriage, we moved a lot. In less than two years we moved 7 times.

I never laid down roots in a community, but always adjusted.

I have lived on our place now for 28 years. At one time I could never ever see moving at all. Lately? I have thought about it a lot. My brain says I can do it all, and some days I can. 

Being a Caregiver for for 8 years has changed my attitude. I cared for MIL and watched as she lost the ability to drive, to make decisions, and to care for herself. It is a cold hard fact even though my Brain says it won't happen to me. 

In the blink of an eye one morning, I became the sole Caregiver to my husband.

Both of my parents downsized from the places they had. Dad got an apartment and loved the freedom he had from all the yard work and maintenance. He said it gave him the freedom to walk about and explore the new area he lived in. It made him very happy.

My friend said that she and her sister were going to have a sit down meeting with their mom to try and help her see reality. 

Sometimes I think long and hard about the changes that need to happen for me in the future. At one time, the thought of leaving my little farm was absurd. 

Country life is amazing. Except when it isn't.

There are very few if any services in a rural area. 

Now? I wouldn't mind a  small  tiny yard that would take me 15 minutes to mow. Or a place where I wouldn't have to walk a quarter of a mile to see if our gravel road was passable in the winter. 

A place where I could have groceries delivered, catch a bus, or walk to the nearest place to eat.

These are the things that I think about while sitting on the porch in the middle of the night with the moon shining and fireflies dancing in the pasture.

Things change. But we don't want them to.