Caregivers workshop

 Caregivers workshop....

some bulletin points to ponder and share with you.

• We never expected to be Caregivers.
• We did not apply for the job.
• We never trained for this job.
• We are sometimes angry.
• We may feel guilty about being angry.
• We chose to be Caregivers.
• We can walk away but we don't.
• We are often stressed.
• We all know that caregiving can bring a lot of joy to our lives.

Problem solving is part of our class for this week. I won't share conversations about it, but there seem to be many people out there that are giving care but are having such a hard time coping due to poor health themselves along with the person they are caring for.

I am so very lucky in the sense I seem to be in very good health. The hardest thing to deal with right now of course is Isolation and Communication. Also there is dealing with the frustrations of trying to get the person I care for to follow instructions to keep his health halfway decent. Every three or four days we seem to run into that same problem over and over. I'd had to see a medication change because of it but it may be what would be in store for him.

The morning's discussions are lost by noon or 1pm gone into mental greyspace. But in general, he is a happy person. That is why I don't want to change the meds.

Yesterday I was getting ready to order our winter hay and he decided that he would shop around. I told him that he had until Monday to find someone who would bring us 30 large squares and deliver them. I know he won't call around but I have to at least give him the chance to hold on to his dignity.

He forgot of course.

On a good note, I'm getting him used to the idea that there are a few things I need to have fixed around the place and my neighbor's son has been working as a 'handy' man. New belts on the lawn mower? Maybe I can hire it done. Fix the kitchen sink? Perhaps I can get a new 'cartridge' installed by hiring it done. IF it can be done on a nice day with the windows open and masks of course.

Problem Solving. 

Yup, I'm on it...

AWOL well I was...

I really wasn't absent at all. Just had some things happen.

Rich spent 24 hrs in CCU and then 4 days on the Cardio Pulmonary unit in a hospital. We had quite a scare. 
Acute Pulmonary Emboli. Note the 'i' on the end of Pulmonary. He had multiple blood clots in both lungs.

Well suffice to say that it was dangerous for him and extremely painful.

I spent 5 days sitting in one hospital room or another. I cannot believe how tiring it is to sit there and wait for a doctor's update.

He is back home now and can move about with Oxygen. He is on blood thinners. He may be on them for just 3 months, and the oxygen depends on how his lungs recover or how much damage the lungs received from the clots.

So that has been my past week. It is a real struggle to stay positive when you see your loved one seem to struggle with each effort, each breath, and each motion he takes.
Just a conversation at this point can wear him out. 

I see him losing interest in life in general. He does perk up a bit at the chance to have a visitor. 
My youngest son and his wife and kids are coming to visit this weekend. He is looking forward to that and at the same time he says he won't be good company.

I told him that we all understand that perfectly and have no problem with him going to lay down or not wanting to engage a lot with everyone.

I laid out a plan to keep everyone busy with out door activities to keep the craziness inside the house to a minimum.

This event was a major blow to his health and I keep hoping that he can have some better days instead of struggling each day.

As I was driving home one evening, this came on the radio from my playlist on my mp3 player...
and I had to pull over...and take a few deep breaths...

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay

There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard, at the end of the day

I need some distraction
Oh, beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins

And maybe empty
Oh, and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

Angel ~ by Sarah Mclachlan

Morning sunrise on the ridge with

Eagles flying over

Whoa is me...

Well not really. I changed my blog settings to allow comments from Google+. Suddenly there were either a lot of comments or not a single one.

Lori from The Skoog Farm Journal emailed me telling me she hadn't been able to comment for a long time. So I changed back to the old method and this morning poof! All old comments disappeared and are gone.
I guess that is okay. I will just keep moving forward and not look back. I set this blog up in 2005 I think and the only way to fix it may be to either go with the G+ or completely redesign this?

I guess I am not going to lose any sleep over it. I'll leave it as is and that will be that.

Yesterday was a bleh day. I waited for my husband to decide what 'he' wanted to do. During his counseling with his Psychologist, he mentioned that I was a 'nag' and he wanted me to stop.
So yesterday I did.

His goal he set with Lindsey was to go to the river and check things out for fishing with me giving him a ride. I was ready in the morning. He wouldn't commit. He took a nap and I waited.

Because I did NOT nag. He missed his mid day meds. He forgets. He finally wandered around the house at 1pm and looked out the door.

"Is it cold out?" he asked. 
I shrugged. "Go out and look for yourself."

His Negative Nancy Personality has returned...or the Excuse Guy has returned. His doctor is telling him not to make excuses and to do these little goals that he sets himself up for and agrees to do.

"It could be cold."
I shrug and check the time.

We finally get in the car and drive to a fishing spot.
He sits.
I finally open his door and tell him to get out.

He walks down to the water.
"It has weeds in it." 
I shrug. "It has fish in it."

"I don't know."
I sigh. "Well, next week I am going fishing. You can tag along if you wish." I leave it at that.

When we get home he decides that it is nap time. 

I keep trying to tell myself that the 'cure' was for his depression and that the Vascular issues that lean towards dementia along with the stroke are still there.
He was a procrastinator before the stroke, he is worse now.

But because I am a 'Nag' and it makes him angry. I have to back off. How will anyone see that unless he is pushed a bit, he won't achieve his goals of walking, fishing, and trying to move around to improve his health?

He knows he wants to do it, but he told Lindsey some days he just can't. 

She told him not to make excuses. 
She also told him that he may have to accept some 'nagging' from me. It was okay to ask him once IF he was going to walk, take meds, or do something on his list. But after the once. I was to leave it alone.

I think he is still a bit upset that I am joining a Camera Club. I went to a meeting Tuesday night and was gone for a few hours. I told him that I couldn't sit in the house 24 hrs a day. Meeting with people that like photography and getting involved in fun things is a way for me to have social experiences and a bit of respite from the daily grind of being a Nagging Caregiver.


I took Charlie for a walk then while he slept. When I returned he was planted in front of the computer and screen watching Netflix.

He cannot seem to see or hear me while glued to the screen. 

Well. He is in a better place. He isn't so depressed now and he even seems quite pleasant most of the time.
But my old friend is gone.

I just find the good moments in each day to enjoy. And I take advice from Charlie. 

Almost Done

It is that time of year again when the garden bursts forth with all the vegetables I'd planted.

The sweet corn is done. I picked the last of it and started to chop down the stalks to toss to the cattle or the mules. The mules make sort work of it and the cattle seem to be a bit pickier about it.

Since my freezer is now stuffed with beef from the 'old' bull, I thought I'd dehydrate beans, carrots, and corn. I have a device that hooks up to my vacuum sealer that allows me to seal the goodies in pint jars.

The jar on the upper right has a mix of carrots and corn in it. In the winter I pop a pint of mixed veggies open and drop it into broth in the crock pot. By the end of the day, the vegetables have re-hydrated and taste wonderful.

The old bull. I think we made a mistake there. His meat is very lean which is good, but then it is more difficult to cook with flavor. I should have just shipped him to market and bought some farm raised beef.
Well, we will see how the roasts do in the crock pot. I had a TBone steak that was slightly okay. I need to see if there is anything I can do to make it more tender.
It is like eating lean venison.

Well hey, I'll deal with it!

The small garden really got ignored this year. Usually I pride myself with being able to demolish weeds with my handy hoe. I guess all the drives for appointments and picking up all the other farm jobs for me, put the garden on the back burner.

So. Rich has been home for about a week. He caught a nasty head cold and ... well, his mood is better. However last night was the first time I got him outside of the house.

His new routine of late has been to sit in front of the laptop and browse endlessly through programs. If he finds something, he sits and watches and doesn't seem to hear or see anything else going on around him.

He went to turn on the laptop to watch Netflix. I had unplugged everything and pulled the old laptop off the desk to work on it.

He looked confused and asked me to take care of it. I said "No, not until we are done with chores and supper."

I handed him his chore boots and he sat a long time on the porch bench before he put them on.
I waited.
He followed me to the shed reluctantly and I grabbed the little garden cart to carry hay to the last bull that we were shipping soon. I pointed over to the hay stack and told him the donkeys needed feeding.
He looked lost.
He stared at me.
I pointed again and he grimaced.
I walked away with the cart.

He did feed the donkeys and when I got back he was standing there quietly staring down at Little Richard's tie out rope that I'd asked him to help me fix. It seemed as though it was too much for him to think about and he murmured that he was heading to the porch.

I checked the donkeys. They were fed, but not watered.
So the infusion treatments had worked for the depression I am happy to say, but the other issues are there and well, frankly, ... I guess I am prepared for that. The old Rich would have noticed the near empty tubs of water.
This new Rich didn't. Or it didn't matter to him.

So last night while Netflix played in the other room, I made and canned beet pickles.

The man I used to know is still fading away bit by bit. It is odd to see him so disconnected with anything outside the house.
He says he has more energy and motivation.

In his head he does. But the doctors had told me, they could perhaps help the severe depression [they did] but not the damage from the strokes.

So the garden work is done except for collecting seeds.
The rest of the cattle will be shipped next week.

The donkeys will leave by the end of September.
It could be an interesting Winter.

Summer is almost done.

Ariel is coming to stay and spend some time on the farm this coming Monday. It will be nice and we are both looking forward to it.