The Hug that saved the Week

What a week.

I really enjoyed my Mobility Classes this week. Our teacher/coach for this class has 10 children. You read that right. 10.

I have her as my weekly and sometimes twice a week coach for work outs to challenge my 'bones' with recommended workouts for people with severe osteoporosis. 

One of her daughters stayed with us at the gym to do Mobility on Thursday evening. Her name is Gracie. Her mom said she could do the movements with us but had to be in a separate part of the gym as the class was for adults.

I'm a sucker for cute kids that are well behaved. Gracie and I ended up near enough to each other to chat while her mom was busy helping some of the other adults.

I made faces when the stretches were hard and Gracie giggled. Hah! Captive Audience.

At the end of the class, the adults gathered to put on their street shoes and get ready to leave and talk. Gracie sat on the couch next to me. I talked to her while I put on my shoes. She jumped up to show me how she could bend over backwards and walk. 

Ahhh, to be 9 again and as flexible as she was!

I stood up and we were all getting ready to leave while the coach's older son ran around and tidied up the gym and got things ready to close up.

Gracie ran across the small entrance area and wrapped her arms around me in a huge hug. It was a true hug. You know, the kind that takes you by surprise and spreads warmth through your heart and soul.

Friday was a whirlwind day. Hubby had his PT class and hadn't been feeling well for his last one. I told him that he had to go with me either to do his class or to see a doctor. His choice was to just quit and go back to bed for the day. I wouldn't hear of it.

Dyspnea means short of breath-difficulty breathing-air hunger-feeling of suffocation. He described it as feeling not quite right, he figured it was the change in meds doses that did it and insisted that he just stop taking a bunch of medications. 

In short, the PT people decided that he was in enough crisis to warrant putting him in a wheelchair and taking him to the ER. 
After a few hours of testing and treatment for dyspnea caused by a COPD Exacerbation, he was released.

I had to explain to him what the doctor had told him a few times. I think he understood when I was a bit more blunt than the doctor. 

He refuses to do his nebulizer because the meds make him a bit jittery. However two sessions of Nebs in the ER brought him right out of his crisis.

I reminded him that when he chose not to do the Neb, and he had an episode of not getting his breath, that he was killing his heart off in chunks. I demonstrated that by making a stabbing motion and an ugly face.

I didn't explain the lab reports that were concerning but expected with his stage of COPD. My job is to make the rest of his life as comfortable as it can be for him. 

Gracie's hug saved the week. The memory of it still makes me smile and feel good inside.

Waiting

 

I'm not good at sitting and waiting. And then wondering and waiting.

This morning Rich told me his oatmeal was bad, it didn't taste right. I poured him some of my strong coffee and he sipped it. I asked how it was. He said it didn't taste right either.

Normally if I don't add water to the pot and make the coffee much weaker, he has a fit. He ate and drank his coffee, took his meds, and I approached him about seeing a doctor. 

I told him that his returning fever and the lack of taste and possibly smell [he said he was congested and couldn't smell anyway], along with body aches, extreme fatigue and struggles with 02 were pretty damning for the dreaded Covid. Or at least a reason to be tested. Perhaps it was just URI and a doctor could make things more comfortable for him.

He said he didn't want to go stay in a hospital. He knows what that scenario is like. He'd be alone without anyone. I agreed. So I called the VA Triage Line and am now waiting on a Triage Nurse to call back. The VA has a protocol for things like this. If it isn't an ambulance call or severe enough, they will fight the local ER regarding treatment. I've been through this for 24 years. They will want me to transport him 89 miles one way. I will plead my case for a 10 mile drive.

I will never forget what he said next. 
'So I should die at home.' 
I replied, 'Let's not jump the gun.'

'So where did I get it? You? Charlie? Did you let people pet Charlie that day you took a walk? They gave it to him, he gave it to me.'

After putting him back to bed and hooking up the CPAP, I sat down and did my 'contact' tracing.

The only persons I had contact were with
Two humans who briefly touched Charlie, 12-4
the checkout person at the store on 12-8
the FedEx guy who handed me a package and we briefly talked because it was dark and I had to show him where to turn around, 12-10 
distance hiking outdoors with Bill, 12-11....

Can you imagine the guilt I and the amount of anxiety I am suddenly inundated with? How did he even get sick if it is just a respiratory infection? What did I do wrong?

What if?

What...

if...

I do live with a man who is health compromised in the first place. Last year we wouldn't have questioned it much. We would have assumed it was a bad cold and respiratory infection. He has not been sick [nor have I] in years. 

I dropped him off at the local ER. Here is the difficult part. No spouse admittance, I could 'go do errands and shopping' or go home. The nurse was nice about it as she unloaded Rich in the ambulance bay. I wanted to point out to her how ridiculous 'go shopping' sounded in this day and age. She was just being kind and saying what was a common saying a year or so ago.

I told her I'd wait for a first impression and report by telephone in the parking lot. I did.

A Covid test will be done, chest x-rays, blood tests, the usual poking and prodding. I could expect an update in about 3 hours.

So now I am home doing laundry carrying my cell phone as if it is a life line.

Waiting...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update....Phone call from the nurse.
We will be admitting your husband here. There are no beds available at the VA.

Let's parse that out. No beds.

Me: What is the diagnosis?
Nurse: 99% positive Covid-19. We have given him....

I listened to what their plan of action for the moment was.

Me: Then I should be quarantined. Should I be tested?
Nurse: Quarantined yes. Tested no. You have not shown any signs correct?

Nurse: We will update you when he is put in a room and when we get the final labs back.
Me, quietly: Okay.

Hangs up phone.

Primal Screaming really scares Charlie. Maybe I should do it outside.

AWOL well I was...

I really wasn't absent at all. Just had some things happen.

Rich spent 24 hrs in CCU and then 4 days on the Cardio Pulmonary unit in a hospital. We had quite a scare. 
Acute Pulmonary Emboli. Note the 'i' on the end of Pulmonary. He had multiple blood clots in both lungs.

Well suffice to say that it was dangerous for him and extremely painful.

I spent 5 days sitting in one hospital room or another. I cannot believe how tiring it is to sit there and wait for a doctor's update.

He is back home now and can move about with Oxygen. He is on blood thinners. He may be on them for just 3 months, and the oxygen depends on how his lungs recover or how much damage the lungs received from the clots.

So that has been my past week. It is a real struggle to stay positive when you see your loved one seem to struggle with each effort, each breath, and each motion he takes.
Just a conversation at this point can wear him out. 

I see him losing interest in life in general. He does perk up a bit at the chance to have a visitor. 
My youngest son and his wife and kids are coming to visit this weekend. He is looking forward to that and at the same time he says he won't be good company.

I told him that we all understand that perfectly and have no problem with him going to lay down or not wanting to engage a lot with everyone.

I laid out a plan to keep everyone busy with out door activities to keep the craziness inside the house to a minimum.

This event was a major blow to his health and I keep hoping that he can have some better days instead of struggling each day.

As I was driving home one evening, this came on the radio from my playlist on my mp3 player...
and I had to pull over...and take a few deep breaths...

Spend all your time waiting
For that second chance
For a break that would make it okay

There's always some reason
To feel not good enough
And it's hard, at the end of the day

I need some distraction
Oh, beautiful release
Memories seep from my veins

And maybe empty
Oh, and weightless, and maybe
I'll find some peace tonight

Angel ~ by Sarah Mclachlan

Morning sunrise on the ridge with

Eagles flying over