Waiting

 

I'm not good at sitting and waiting. And then wondering and waiting.

This morning Rich told me his oatmeal was bad, it didn't taste right. I poured him some of my strong coffee and he sipped it. I asked how it was. He said it didn't taste right either.

Normally if I don't add water to the pot and make the coffee much weaker, he has a fit. He ate and drank his coffee, took his meds, and I approached him about seeing a doctor. 

I told him that his returning fever and the lack of taste and possibly smell [he said he was congested and couldn't smell anyway], along with body aches, extreme fatigue and struggles with 02 were pretty damning for the dreaded Covid. Or at least a reason to be tested. Perhaps it was just URI and a doctor could make things more comfortable for him.

He said he didn't want to go stay in a hospital. He knows what that scenario is like. He'd be alone without anyone. I agreed. So I called the VA Triage Line and am now waiting on a Triage Nurse to call back. The VA has a protocol for things like this. If it isn't an ambulance call or severe enough, they will fight the local ER regarding treatment. I've been through this for 24 years. They will want me to transport him 89 miles one way. I will plead my case for a 10 mile drive.

I will never forget what he said next. 
'So I should die at home.' 
I replied, 'Let's not jump the gun.'

'So where did I get it? You? Charlie? Did you let people pet Charlie that day you took a walk? They gave it to him, he gave it to me.'

After putting him back to bed and hooking up the CPAP, I sat down and did my 'contact' tracing.

The only persons I had contact were with
Two humans who briefly touched Charlie, 12-4
the checkout person at the store on 12-8
the FedEx guy who handed me a package and we briefly talked because it was dark and I had to show him where to turn around, 12-10 
distance hiking outdoors with Bill, 12-11....

Can you imagine the guilt I and the amount of anxiety I am suddenly inundated with? How did he even get sick if it is just a respiratory infection? What did I do wrong?

What if?

What...

if...

I do live with a man who is health compromised in the first place. Last year we wouldn't have questioned it much. We would have assumed it was a bad cold and respiratory infection. He has not been sick [nor have I] in years. 

I dropped him off at the local ER. Here is the difficult part. No spouse admittance, I could 'go do errands and shopping' or go home. The nurse was nice about it as she unloaded Rich in the ambulance bay. I wanted to point out to her how ridiculous 'go shopping' sounded in this day and age. She was just being kind and saying what was a common saying a year or so ago.

I told her I'd wait for a first impression and report by telephone in the parking lot. I did.

A Covid test will be done, chest x-rays, blood tests, the usual poking and prodding. I could expect an update in about 3 hours.

So now I am home doing laundry carrying my cell phone as if it is a life line.

Waiting...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update....Phone call from the nurse.
We will be admitting your husband here. There are no beds available at the VA.

Let's parse that out. No beds.

Me: What is the diagnosis?
Nurse: 99% positive Covid-19. We have given him....

I listened to what their plan of action for the moment was.

Me: Then I should be quarantined. Should I be tested?
Nurse: Quarantined yes. Tested no. You have not shown any signs correct?

Nurse: We will update you when he is put in a room and when we get the final labs back.
Me, quietly: Okay.

Hangs up phone.

Primal Screaming really scares Charlie. Maybe I should do it outside.