Renaming Lake Michigan satire....

 With all of the other insanity going on, I'm just going to put this up. Some good giggles.... Thanks Gov. JB!

Gov. JB Pritzker trolls Trump with satire.

Wait. What? Its the year 25?

I went to bed at 9PM. Woke up at 10PM and stared out the window until much later, then wrestled the covers a while. Rearranged pillows. Got up, walked downstairs. Looked out the window.

The New Year didn't look any different at 2AM than it did the day before. But at least there wasn't fog.

I went back and beat my pillows up a bit and pushed around the blankets much to Charlie's disdain and sighs. He sleeps on a corner of the bed in his own little nest.

Welcome 2025 your start sucked.

By 4AM I made decafe coffee and decided to go through my files for December and back up other photo files.

Delete 
Keep
Hmm
Delete...and so forth.

By 5AM I got up and started stretching. Either a pressure system was moving through or suddenly I aged a gazillion years over night. Everything hurt from head to toe.

Maybe I'd just skip 2025 all together. 

Charlie watched me sleepily and went to his nest on the couch. Big help he was!

I thought I'd check into my mileage for the year of 2024. I was surprised. I did reach a pretty cool milestone. 1,070 miles hiked since January 1st 2024. I had no intention of reaching any goal other than just having fun keeping track.

Maybe I'd better get my oil checked for this year.

After another morning walk and some other Mobility work, my body felt much better.

So I guess 2025 may not be so bad after all.

I think I'll go do some Loopy Yarn work today and perhaps a nap.

Happy New Year Day.

A shot from last year. 

Let's Break Something

 Oh darn!

Have you ever broken a toe? We all know how fun that can be. I did when I was a kid and ran around the corner of our old 2 room cottage barefoot and split that little toe off a door frame.

I was probably only 8 at the time and I hollered and fell to the floor. Mom came along and told me to cut it out. Stop being a baby. 
I sucked up those tears. One learned never to cry in front of mom. She wasn't exactly Miss Empathy. 
That toe turned purple and I limped around for part of that summer. But oh gosh, that pain!

After being up most of the night with Fred, the mule, I decided to take a nap. I had been thoroughly chilled and thoroughly exhausted.

I was sound asleep when I heard pounding on our back door. No one pounds on our doors. No one except maybe a delivery that needs signing by UPS. But I always track packages. I burst up out of bed and flew towards our bedroom opening...

Oh, you guessed it. That same little toe decided to go up against the frame. I hopped and continued to the back door. There was the neighbors from across the ridge with their annual Christmas bag of treats. Incredible dried apple slices and some candies!

I guess I was bleary eyed with no glasses and my hair probably sticking up all over the place...

"Oh did we wake you?" I tried to smile politely. I'm sure it looked like something between a frightful grimace and a crooked sneer. 
I explained and they decided not to stick around and chat. Besides it was still below zero out.

I must have looked a fright, trying to peer at their blurry faces and be pleasant while I was really tempted to just start screaming at the fire in my little toe.

I waved goodbye with a mental reminder to text them thank you for the treats and then sat down on the kitchen floor and rocked back and forth holding my foot.

All the ruckus woke up Rich and he walked in wanting to know why the heck was I on the floor? Charlie licked my face.

I cannot believe what incredible purples a toe can turn! So pretty! 

I admired the different hues of purple and red as I iced it that evening. Putting that toe into a boot for chores was even more fun.

At least the weather was cold and I didn't have to go anywhere.

Rich was ever so helpful. He suggested I sit outside and stick my toe in the deep cold snow. Yeah baby, it was -12 F that night. 
At least he still has his wicked sense of humor.

It's the small things in life that make
you smile 
or
cry.

Things in 3's

Really do things happen in threes??? 3's? Threez?

I had made an appointment with the Subaru dealer to update my Starlink on the vehicle. Over the weekend I noted that the NEW tires on the front end were not holding air like they should be. I decided to complain to my man Seth at the Dealership.

He again assured me that um, that happens. I said 'You said that 3 months ago. Every 4 weeks I am having issues.'

I mildly asked if he wanted me to go all Karen on him. [Internet Slang...I think...] His eyes widened behind his mask and then he sighed and said he'd take care of it.

I calmly explained that we'd been dealing with a 'tire' issue for 3 months and I was frankly looking to figure it out. I'd bought new tires as he advised me to...and yet here we were again.

My upgrade happened. 

4 hours later, Seth came to me with the paperwork. 

"Your tire stems were bad," he said, "but I took care of the cost of replacing them."

He couldn't see my Karen smirk behind my mask. Both Seth and I knew that I'd raise holy hell after 3 months of him telling me 'it just happens' and replacing the tire stems. OH Wait! I had said this exact thing 3 months ago! I gently reminded him that the TPS was under warranty.

This morning I popped open the laptop and....got...

Eternal spinning dots...updates then a message

We couldn't update your computer so we are removing the updates.

 4 hours later [I did chores while the little dots spun, I took Charlie for a walk, I made coffee...I danced in the morning dew, I emptied the rain gauge, and did laundry....

I resisted the insane urge to throw the laptop out through a window...

I found a frame and glued my pressed flowers into place...

Finally I got the laptop working again and paused all updates since this had happened last week also.

Nifty. I was on a roll!

Until I wasn't.

I went to the basement to get some bacon out to thaw for our special spaghetti dinner.

The freezer door was open.
Wait. What?

Holy crap! All that meat I'd gotten at the butcher for the next 3 months? 
Soft and mushy. 

I would have made a sailor blush with my cursing. I'm sure somehow that I alone....had been the culprit as the other half never goes down the basement. Ever.

They say, make hay while the sun shines, right?

I retrieved some plastic tubs and said to hubby as I walked out the door with the messy drippy stuff and threw it in the yard.....

Gosh I sure wanted to defrost that freezer downstairs! Guess today IS the day!

And then I laughed as I piled the messy crap in the little cart attached to the 4 wheeler.

Hubby came to watch me. What's up?

Me: Oh nothing much, just doing a little defrosting. 

He looks at the melted bloody meat and says: Surely you are not throwing that out?

Me: Of course not. I'm going to feed Shirley the coyote.

He shrugged  and headed back to the kitchen table to watch out the window and drink coffee.

And I thought to myself that at least he was unaware of what really happened and it doesn't even bother or faze him. The old hubby would have been yelling and screaming his bloody head off.

Sometimes issues with the thought process are a blessing.

The 'yotes will eat well. Flavored brats, cracked pepper seasoned hamburger, a few steaks and lots of old Tough Bart. I had been thinking of getting rid of that old Tough Bull meat. 

I know. A waste of food. 

It was.

However, the newish freezer will be brand spanking clean and totally defrosted.

I 

am 

so 

done

with 

threes!

Decoration---ing & Fence Dancing!

This is one half of my house, literally. This is the view from our added on bedroom doorway---of the living room. It looks out towards the porch on the south side of our house. I was considering putting up a Christmas Chair again this year. 

Hubby watches TV from the folding chair. There is our drying rack next to the cabin heater. Charlie sits in sunlight. To the left is the loveseat. That is it. We can't social distance in our house. If I got sick, I'd have to quarantine outside somehow. That means using the horse trailer with a plug in for heat [let's say it would be colder than a witch's you-know-what and using the outhouse while prepping meals and doing chores?]....Yes our house is that little that we would breath the same air no matter what.

Anyway, that aside...

This is the other half of the house. Photo taken from the fridge. The oven and sink are to the left out of sight.

There is a half story upstairs but that is only used for storage or when we have company. And we haven't had company since February 2020. I keep my ever growing supply of toys, baskets, tea cups, and other items used for Still Life Photography in one of the rooms. Sometimes the items are neatly stored away and other times it appears as if a tornado has hit the room.

I don't know if I will do the Chair/Tree this year or not. Last year it was boxes that I decorated. You know, wooden dynamite boxes, sulfuric acid box, a nuts and bolts box, and an ancient nesting box that my MIL had. I am not conventional at all. Things just sort of start coming together. I put things in place and then tear it apart and start again.

I gather sticks and weeds to make winter bouquets. I even found some dead birch branches to do 'something' with. I'm not sure yet. But I am looking for some pine boughs to make something with too. 

I explained this nonsensical method to my 30 something nephew. I get an idea in my head and then I just go into some sort of zone. I grab things together and don't think too much of what I am doing. I rearrange, mess around, rearrange some more and then there it is. Sometimes it is a disaster and sometimes it works. My mind gets into some kind of otherworld Zone and it keeps moving along. I can't stop it until I make a creation of some sort.

So I picked up sticks in the yard. There are always branches falling from the trees. Sometimes I just chuck them into the burn pile. Today I gathered the more interesting ones and stuck them in my now much faded and dead looking flower garden. I thought, hmmmmmmmm....they could hold a string of lights!

Honest, it will look much nicer with a fresh snowfall on it. But I am very pleased with my outdoor lighting effort. There is only one other household that could possibly even see it.
The neighbors at the top of the ridge.

Below is a reindeer metal thingy that a lady gave me years ago. It is creepy in a way and it is supposed to be a Christmas Card Holder. I've repurposed it to be a yard 'decorate'. No problem. I am odd I will admit it.

The head nods up and down and back and forth, it had a tendency to tip over startle my husband and old Jack Russell Terrier....so for years it was remanded to the shed in purgatory. I brought it back out to add to my flower garden, I had a friend drill holes in the base so I can use spikes to hold the 'Moose/Deer' in place.

He/she is still a bit on the creepy side, but people often ask me what the hell is that supposed to be?

Hey, why not? Even the UPS guy was like...what the heck? Yeah. If it gets a reaction like that, it is worth keeping around!

Do you...

Recall the Fence Feud? I went out and rearranged all the ghosts and the Stick People. I made sure that my movements were not within camera range from the other side of the fence.

So to my surprise, the dude on the other side moved the camera to point onto my property. I suppose to see what I was doing. I wandered there just after sunrise on Friday morning.

So I thought for a moment and then decided to give them a show. Really I thought about pulling off my old patched coveralls and peeing right there so he could see my butt. However I decided to have a bit more fun.

I slowly put my camera down and then began to sway back and forth with my arms raised. Then I turned and slowly waved my arms up and down. I kneeled on the ground [facing away from the camera] and raised my head and arms as if in prayer to some unseen god of the forest. Then fell flat on the forest floor and writhed as if possessed.

When I got up I Cursed their side of The Woods. Angry Face, throwing invisible and voiceless curses in the direction of the camera. I really don't know how to make a curse, but I had to make it look good!

I am giggling here. His camera was pointing into the morning sun so the photos this person will get will be silhouettes. 

Hunting season ends tomorrow at sundown. 

This Spring, I am fixing the fence and attaching No Hunting signs to it. 

I don't think this person knows how much entertainment he has provided this old lady with during the Pandemic.

 

Don't look it up!

But we can't help it can we?
Google your symptoms and you will know what is wrong with you.

Ugh.
Well.

True story.

Many years ago my [then] father in law proudly handed me a book and told me that it 'told' him what was wrong with him so he could tell his doctor.

Think of it as pre Google or pre WebMD.
You could look up your symptoms and the book would tell you what could be wrong with you.
It was a perfect book for Hypochondriacs.

At the time I was having some pain and cramps and was a bit under the weather. I reached over our coffee cups and paged through the symptoms.
My father in law eagerly watched as I studied the book.

What did you find? He asked me.

I looked up at him and deadpanned:
I'm either going to give birth or I am going to have my period.

He snatched the book away from me and wouldn't let me look at it anymore.

Colonoscopies and Refrigerators...how fun.

No one likes to talk about that procedure. It is simply, well ... not dinner conversation at all. Whoever invented the prep was an evil sadistic person. However, it must be done to get a good clean out.

I had one 10 years ago because of some issues I'd had and it was time for the next one ... 10 years later.

My first one went quite well and except for the prep there was no pain or anxiety.

However this one? The prep went well. 

After all, who doesn't love Gatorade mixed with Miralax? It wasn't as bad as GoLYTELY. In the 'end' I was passing Gatorade lemon/lime colored stuff which was clear of debris. [Isn't that a nice term?]

I saw the doctor after the nurse tried to get in an IV. I winced as she dug around and then had to pick another spot.

I thought, "No, this will all be just fine. Really. The first time was so easy, this should be the same."

I heard someone down the hall hollering "Ouch ouch ouch OWWWWWW!" I didn't pay it much thought until much later.

Into the room we went. Mild sedative and the doctor started. Soon I was whispering out "Owww!" "Hey that hurts!"

The RN at my head said, "It's okay."

I replied, "IT is NOT okay! Ouch!"

I watched the scope fly through my innards and when the doctor hit a curve it felt like an internal baseball bat hit me. "JEEESUSSS, what the Fu--?"

Finally the doctor said quietly, "Almost at the end."

It felt like I was rammed.

Then I watched the scope exiting out.

I gritted my teeth. If I hadn't been sedated, I would have ripped out the painful IV and started swinging. 

My end result by the doctor was, "It is great, everything looks good!"

I asked her point blank in the recovery room. "Then why did it hurt like hell?"

Her answer, "You have a lot of twists and turns in your colon."

"Well that was more painful than it should have been."

She patted my leg and left the room. I threw nasty think darts at her back even though I was starving and slightly floaty. I swore she'd never ever touch me again. In 10 yrs if I was due up again, I'd drill the doctor about their procedure.

The cartoon? Yeah, I agree with that one this time. 

Crapping Gatorade poo and getting beat up inside was not a good day for me.

Tuesday was: go to Mom in Law's to help her out with cleaning her fridge. I did the grocery shopping and came home. I still felt ... pardon the pun. Crappy. My lower intestines hurt still, perhaps from the wild rush of the scope through my bum or perhaps I was bruised inside. It hurt. Or it was the gas she blew me up with lingering and causing discomfort.

I called Mom in Law and told her I needed one more day of rest before tackling the HazMat Tainted and Dreaded Fridge Job.

I will go today to the apartment with dire trepidation.

I've grown strange science experiments before in my own fridge, but nothing quite compares to this....

One must face adversities in life.
Be strong.
Be very strong.

How the Grinch was stopped by Morris the guard dog.

The Terrible Grinch was Grouchy. She hadn't had a good night's sleep because of the big snow storm.
Oh the snow wasn't bad, finding out that one of her co workers had started her car and then left with her keys in his pocket probably made the bad night much worse.

After only a few hours of sleep Miss Grinch woke up and discovered that the beautiful white snow was still coming down and by night fall it was supposed to be super frigid. Like -12 frigid.

Miss Grinch decided that instead of placing all of the nice gifts under the Christmas Chair she'd get them ready for the Christmas visit next week.

However she had an evil thought.

Perhaps she should just hide them.

If she stuffed them in a paper bag and hid them well, no one would get their Christmas gifts.

She chortled and chuckled.

Naughty Miss Grinch.
She thought she should be ashamed of herself but she was oddly pleased.

Hide the gifts!
Whoops, she forgot her boots. So off ran Miss Grinch to grab her chore boots and think of where to cleverly hide gifts.

And as she took off...

...thinking she was being wicked and wise...

...she was stopped by Morris.

Morris even made her put everything back.

Morris, the dog who saved Christmas from the Grouchy Miss Grinch.

Dinner Conversation: Married Life

Note, since our last crazy conversation was so popular,... I included our dinner conversation today for your reading pleasure.

I was chopping vegetables from the garden in the kitchen and sauteing them in a pan.
The smells of fresh garlic, kale, kolrabi, onion, and green beans filled the air.

Him: Wow, smells great! What are you making?
Me: Stuff. I don't know, just putting a bunch of stuff together.
Him: What do you call it?
Me: Stuff Cooked and Put Over Noodles.
Him: Spaghetti?
Me: Close enough!

I don't really know what I am making except that I had a bunch of fresh vegetables and thought it would be fun to toss them together in a pan with some olive oil and spices to see what happened.

I continue to cook and saute the items together.

Him: Yum! I can't wait for supper, I am getting hungry!
Me [adding some canned tomatoes because I don't have any fresh yet]: Soon!

Pretty soon the noodles are cooked and I call him in from the porch.
Me: It's ready!
Him: Great!
He comes in and stares at the plates.

Him: What IS that?? 
He is pointing to the Kale that I didn't bother chopping into microscopic pieces. I've done that before with soups and other dishes.

Me: Kale.
Him: ...And what is that? What do you call this?
He is pointing at the pan, and making a face.

Me: I told you, it is called Stuff. Or Veggie Mix Up. Or Stuff Over Noodles.
Him: Oh. Don't give me much of that Stuff.

We sit down to eat and he is tentative about eating the 'Stuff', but samples it along with the noodles.

Me: So?
Him: So? Um, you can keep the Stuff, although it isn't bad. It would have been better with meat though and more sauce."
Me: Duly noted. Next time I'll add more sauce and put some spicy sausage in it.
Him: Lots and lots of sausage. 
He thinks for a moment. Then goes for another plate of noodles without The Stuff.

Him: You aren't trying to make me a vegetarian are you?
Me: Nope.

Him: What are you making tomorrow night?
Me: Meat and 'Tators.

Him [Big Smile]: Good!

Him and Me: A Dialogue for Crazy

So when the 'new' basement was put in, I moved some things down there to store them.

I quickly realized that the basement was going to need a dehumidifier. On warm days moisture would show up enough to make those items I stored for the duration of construction smell musty.

Me: "Honey,we are going to need a dehumidifier down here."

Him: "No, let's just see how things work out after they insulate."

So a month passed. On days that got warm the concrete floor would dampen in certain areas. The plastic milk crate of items I'd stored on the floor under the steps that contained items such as Murphy's Oil Soap and other cleaners all had moisture on them.

Me: "Look honey, we need a dehumidifier!"
Him: "It just needs to get used to the temperature, then it will be fine."

I brought up some items I'd stored. Potholders. They had mildew on them. 
I took them over to the trash can and said:

"Honey, I THINK we need a dehumidifier in the basement!"

Him: "Oh just wash them up and they will be fine."

I dumped them in the trash.

Then came some extremely humid and hot days. The humidity outside went up into the 80's and maybe 90%.

Oh you guessed it.

Me: "Honey. We. Need. To. Dehumidify the basement or what we have down there will be ruined. Ruint!"

Him: "We looked at dehumidifiers while we were at Menards and they are expensive!"

Me [smacking forehead]: "Yes they may cost a bit of money but I guess it is cheaper to use a dehumidifier than to replace everything I plan on putting in the basement. Or have stored already in the basement."

Him [going down the basement stairs to stare at the damp floor]: "I dunno."

Me: "I do. I'll pick one up today."

Fast forward. 
We take the new dehumidifier down the stairs and he opens the box.
Him: "Looks kinda small."
Me: "Want me to return it and buy the really expensive one?"
Him: "No."

He struggles to put the caster wheels on and then mutters some curses. I walk over to the box and take out the instructions and read them to him.

Him: "Go get my glasses."
I return with his glasses and he peers at the casters and then snaps them in place.
I refrain from saying. "Perhaps you should use your glasses more often!"

He plugs it in. The digital read out blips and then goes dark.
A bit of cursing.

I point to the Power Button.
He pushes it.
It turns on and the read out says 76.

Him: "What does that mean?"
Me [I read from the manual]: "The digital read out tells you the current humidity in the room. You can use a timer, a delayed timer, or if you wish you can leave it run with a hose attached so you will not have to empty the tray."

Him: "Timer what? I don't want it timed!"

I think calmly about ripping out my hair. Instead I reach for the broom nearby and sweep up some sawdust that the contractors left behind.

Me: "Hmmm, looks too damp yet to sweep up."

Him: "But I don't want it to run on a Timer, how much time is it on?"
Me: "There is the Timer Button, is it off or on?"
Him: "I don't know, where are my glasses?"

Me: "In your pocket. And..." [I hand him the manual] "here are the instructions."

I leave him to stare at the Mystical New Machine that we now have in our little basement addition.
It hums quietly and sucks mildewy moisture out of the room.
It befuddles my husband who stands for about 20 more minutes watching it.

I'm not sure what he expected it to do.
Run off?
Spew water?
Make Magical Unicorn Dust?

As I get to the top of the new stairs the urge is just too much.
I flip off the lights.

Him: "Hey!"
Me: "Oh. Sorry!"
I flip the lights back on and walk into the kitchen with a big smirk on my face.

The Squeaky Wheel Gets The Grease -- or the Air Conditioner Saga

My mother in law purchased an air-conditioner from a local appliance store in town.  It stopped working and was covered by warranty.

A service person came and tried to fix it but said it had a bad part and the warranty from the store stated they'd give her a loaner meanwhile or replace it.

Two weeks have gone by and Mom in Law has had nothing but the run around, so I decided to check into it myself.

Here is how it happened:

Me. Walk into the store.

Manager Jason:  Can I help you?

Me:  Oh yes, I'm going to remodel my house and I want new appliances so I thought I'd do some local shopping.  You know, new stove, new fridge, new washer and dryer...oh and an airconditioner.

Jason [gets his large self puffed up]:  Well, we can help you with that!

Me [pull out a pad of paper]:  Good, I have some questions.  Do these come with warranties?

Jason:  Yes they do.  You can buy a 5 yr warranty too that covers these items head to toe.  [Big proud man thinks he's getting a huge sale.]

Me:  Really?  That is so great!  5 yrs!  I live out in the country and if something happens how long before a service person gets to my place?

Jason:  1 to 2 days and we get it taken care of.

Me:  Oh wow, that is fast!  Let me ask you another question.

Jason [Big smile]:  Yes, go ahead!

Me:  My mother in law purchased an air conditioner here, has your 5 yr warranty, it took 5 days for your service person to get there and it is now almost 2 weeks and she still doesn't have A/C!

Employees in the backround sneak to peek around the big appliances.  Hanging back but peeking anyway.

Jason [steps back looks around, sees this little whisp of a woman staring up at him ]:  Um, well, is this about the ---- place in Readstown?

Me:  As a matter of fact it is.  She is in her mid 80's and it is going to be hot this weekend, she has medical issues and frankly you folks have given her nothing but the run around.

I stand quietly while Jason mutters and sputters and then says:  Well, we had to call the manufacturer and get an okay...we are kinda busy and um,...

I put my hand up:  I'm not here for excuses on your end, is the warranty good?  She is getting a replacement today right?

Employees are now ducking in and out of my peripheral vision.  Jason is doing some funky little foot to foot dance in place.

Jason:  Well we just got her replacement this morning and my guys are going to take it to her.

Me:  Great, do you need me to follow you to Readstown to make sure you do it?

Employees are now stock still.  As is the customer he'd just been talking to that was leaving.

Jason:  Um, no.  Um, guys get that air conditioner loaded onto the truck...

I smile sweetly:  Let me see it.  I will follow it to the truck and call her after I'm done with errands to make sure everything is okay, right?

Jason [waves his arms at employees]:  Ah.  Well.

Me:  I am remodeling my house, but I don't think I'll be shopping here.  The GreyHaired Grapvine says your house calls are pitiful.  You should respect your elders.

Jason:  Well, we are kind of busy.

Me:  So you don't sell good products?

This floors him and he waves frantically at his employees to grab the A/C and get it into the truck so I will leave.

I turn to follow the employees:  By the way Jason, do you have a business card?

Jason is totally unerved by now.  And just shakes his head.

Me [Leaving the store]:  You all have a nice day. 

Mom in law is comfy with her new replacement.

Me?

I have the inner meanie is satisfied for the moment.

I was very happy being nice to a 6' 4" man who stand clearly over a foot taller than me and reducing him to squiggly melting jelly.

Crap, I had so much fun I should be an advocate for the GreyHaired Clan.

It is all about fixin'

I often wonder what makes a person want to 'fix' something that can be more easily replaced.  I'm not that handy, but I can fix things.  My husband is the "fixer upper" extrodinar or some such thing.
He will fix anything.
Even those things that should be just replaced.
He bought a new handle for the old rusted falling apart storm door and then found out it wouldn't fit.

  

By golly he was 'gunna' make it fit.  I wondered aloud why he was picking a day that it was only 8 degrees outside to hold open the door and work on it.
I wondered silently why he bought a NEW handle for a door that was in shambles anyway.  Couldn't a nice cheapo storm door worked nicely?

Ahhh.  Out came power tools.  The scream of metal being drilled through assaulted my ears.

There were multiple curse words.  More metal screaming.  
More drill sounds and more curses because now the handle was in but wouldn't latch to the latchy thing because the door frame was ... I dunno, NOT right somehow.  So now he makes a shim to put the other latchy thing on and viola, it latches.

Then the screws weren't proper for the door.  Nope, they didn't look right or some such technical type thing.
Whew.

More drilling, hammering, cursing, slamming and opening ...and shutting the door while the cold air drilled through the house.

Finally, with a huge big smile Hubby turned to me to show me how great of a job he had done.
He showed me that I could push the little thingy and the latch would unlatch.

I admired his wonderous handywork.  The poor door looks more sad now that it did before the fixin'.
It has holes in it from drilling.  And works no better than the pre-fix.

But I was amazed and in awe of course. 

Then I went for a walk to the creek.

Never tie an upset mule...

...to your pick up truck.

Well let me rephrase that.  Or at least explain it.

While we were out hunting the other night hubby took Fred home and caught up the young hound that had gone home.
I stayed on the ridge about 1/2 mile away with Opal.

Fred loves to be with Opal.  Fred always bickers with Opal in the pasture, but seperate them and he can act like a jerk.

Opal is rather ho-hum about Fred.  At least she is with me.  She didn't seem bothered in the least about being left in the dark with me and the hound dog.

Meanwhile back at home hubby tied Fred to his coveted pick up truck and went on to catch Buck to take off the GPS collar.  

Apparently Fred had a hissy fit and after a long hard bray [which I could hear echoing through the woods]...bam.

Fred shotgunned his back feet out in anger.

He nailed 'the truck' next to the gas cap.

When hubby told me about it in an 'I'm peeved at this stupid mule' voice, I asked innocently.

"But why didn't you tie him to the trailer where the lead rope was?"  My thought was it was an obvious choice and probably not a question he wanted to hear.

"Because I was in a hurry and I didn't think ol' Fred would do anything!"  He quipped.  "Stupid mule," he said while running a hand across his neck.

It wasn't hard to hide my grin in the dark.  It was harder not to laugh the next morning when I saw the scuff marks on the side of the truck.

 

A Hateful Woman or Stupid Man invented Tree Stands

Mark my words.
A tree stand [for hunting] or photography should never have been designed such as they are.

Who was the retard who engineered these things?
I say a Hateful Woman may have designed these for the soul purpose of getting rid of the Husband-Hunter.
*Here Honey, look what I bought you!* she says gleefully.
Honey immediately takes it out to the woods and uses this flimsy tubular thing that attaches to a tree with little bitty nylon straps.

He is supposed to climb this flimsy piece of lightweight tubular metal and deposit his weight at the top of it with a deer rifle.

Honey explains that this contraption is perfectly safe when strapped down correctly.

So...last night I helped my husband put up one of these contraptions.

Let the record show that I prefer the solid ladder that leads to a nice wide platform built on an ancient oak that overlooks a meadow and hillside. Hell, I could bring my dog up there and sit in the swivel chair that is mounted to the 'rubberized' platform. No need to do a freaking balancing act getting up or down.
[Perhaps someone could add a nice little heater and a roof...but hmmm, that would eliminate the outdoorsy-ness of the whole experience.]

Of course the donkeys had to get involved in the process too. Alas, they were held back by the electric fence.


Of all the trees that could have been picked, he picks the worst one ... in my opinion. A fiasco ensues. A dead branch is IN THE WAY, will I climb the wobbly thing while he 'holds' it and saw the offending branch down?
Sure honey...3/4 of the way to the top, I experience second thoughts, third thoughts...and feel the wobbles under me.
Don't look down is my mantra.
Don't think about falling.
Saw.
This effort fails wonderfully as the light fades and I give it up and ascend down the retarded thing they call a ladder.

Determined hubby [the sort who would beat his chest and howl to prove his manliness and we all know that deer hunting is all about manliness] announces that he must finish what a 'woman' could not.
Would I hold the ladder?
What?
It is not strapped or braced, I begin to point this out to him.

He beats his chest [not really] and begins the ascent. The ladder thingy begins to bow and he has to leap for safety.
So he puts up a brace and tells me to hold it.

By now I am ready to run screaming into the night pulling off my stocking cap with chilled hands.
I think: he's going to get up there, the ladder is going to wobble, he'll lose balance and crash into the logs and nasty stuff below. My finger prints are all over this damned piece of crap they call a ladder.
I could laugh if I wasn't so frightened.

He climbs. He saws. I hold on for dear life. Even with the offending dead limb falls and hits me...
It happens as he descends. The ladder begins to sway. I hear cuss words. In the fading light I feel him jump and thump as he lands.
Curse words.
I'm still locked on to the swaying ladder thingy that is not properly attached and is bent also.

He is okay, he yells at me for not holding this thingy steady. I'm like: WHAT? I can hold 200+ lbs 30 ft in the air on a swaying bending wobbling ladder, get real.

I done in.
He affixes the ladder-tree stand thingy properly and I am amazed. It is actually solid.

When he asks if I want a ride back to the house I stomp off through the darkness. I'm sure he wonders why...

I am convinced that only a Hateful Woman or a Very Stupid Man had come up with this tree stand thingy made out of lightweight materials.
Only the truly insane shall climb these things on Opening Day dressed in Blaze Orange and freeze their asses off waiting for a trophy buck to walk past them.

My nightmare was complete.
Yet I survived.