How things change

When one becomes a 'CareGiver' life changes. I used to work 30 hours a week and do odd shifts as a security officer.

When Rich had Throat Cancer I had to drive him 180 miles a day for his radiation treatment. My bosses re-arranged my schedule to work on the weekends. I did that until the day he had an Anaphylatic shock to the chemo treatment. 

Two days after getting out of the hospital I was getting ready for work. It was the weekend and I had an early shift.
He got up to go to the bathroom and had a TIA. 

The hits just kept coming. He had another very serious stroke in 2017 that the doctors were not sure he'd recover from.
The social worker came into the room and said that they were searching for a room at the VA hospital or the VA nursing home as he could not go home and be left alone. I made the decision to give up a job I'd had for 9 going on 10 years to stay and take care of Rich. Any career choices were now eliminated.

The Pulmonary Emboli that should have killed him the next year didn't. And my new career which had been ongoing since his cancer diagnosis was now in full throttle.
I had to care for a man who was diagnosed with dementia [not severe at this point] and a long list of other health issues. The most difficult issue to deal with was the severe depression. 

So what did I do for myself during that time? In October of  2018 pre PE, I joined CrossFit to get out of the house for an hour a day during the week and to get some social and physical time. I was falling into a trap of sitting at home and watching Rich's every move. 

My care responsibilities had increased.

Of course this was about the same time that Rich's mom had been diagnosed with dementia and that huge mess. I'll skip all of that. The end result is that for a while I was the CareGiver for two people and eventually the court appointed a guardian for his mother.

Phew.

When I look back and wonder how can 5 short years have so much change in our lives?

So what have I done for me? I eventually decided I needed an out more than just hiking. I joined a gym and began to enjoy the physical and social aspect of creating friendships that were not dependent on CareGiving. 

My doctor had been concerned on my last physical about my blood pressure. Sure, it was going up and up. Now? I average a very good reading.

Maybe I am taking the right steps to self care. But perhaps I can learn more about Care...Giving...and Self Care. That's why I signed up for the Virtual Class.

One of the more interesting things about this progression of events is that I have not become hateful or bitter or even resentful.

Sure there are days that I feel frustrated and short tempered when dealing with my loved one's apathy and disinterest or his forgetfulness. I am only human.

I still find moments with him that cause me joy and laughter. That is the important part. I don't regret leaving the workforce [well, I sort of do, I loved the job, but not the stress of all the strange hours].

I've branched out to learning new things to keep myself occupied.

Covid-19 has really managed to change the whole playing field. No more gym, no visits, and isolation from others. No long day trips. Getting groceries is an adventure in masking and avoidance of others.

I'm looking now for things to do to keep my mind occupied for the winter. [The reason I decided to do a toy story book and a photo book about 2020].

I may even start sewing stuffed toys again. 

So ... Things Change, yet they stay the Same don't they?

There is Evil...

We know someone evil is planning to take over the world with this Covid-19 stuff.

The virus is real.
It is a hoax.
It can kill you if you are old.
Ahhh, that is how the evil 'them' are planning to get rid of the old folks.

Unless you are young and die from it too.

But wait, send the little vectors back to public school
where they can spread it to the teachers and families.
For the greater good. Or the great Evil.
Or discover how well you can educate your children at home.

Or discover how the kids are getting on your nerves and
you'd like to send them anywhere BUT home!

Masks.
Wear them, don't wear them.
Wait. If you wear them with sunglasses then the
evil government can't use facial recognition on you!
Wear a mask!

Be kind to your neighbor.
Don't be kind to your neighbor.

A vaccine will implant us all with computer chips.
[Hey, that may be good for old people who wander off!
Wait, the virus will eliminate old people who wander off...or
it won't.]
A vaccine may save many lives.
So a vaccine is good.
Or bad.
Or evil.

This evil virus was created in a lab.
Or in a wet market.
It was released as a weapon.
It just happened.

Let's get back to normal!
Define Normal.

There was never a normal.
Really?

Then we get the meat of it.
[Where's the Beef! Vegetarians are behind this!]

I'm right you are wrong.
My opinion matters, yours doesn't.

Quarantine Fatigue.
Isolation Fatigue.
Stay at Home Anger.
Social Distancing - Isolation.


Now if you have gotten this far, you should know that this is written with a bit of sarcasm and 'tongue in cheek'.

I'm going to blame Creepy Baby and his Nefarious Frog Friends. They are at the bottom of this working in their crazy little lab.

Note: If you ever watched Pinky and The Brain you'll know where I got this idea.

An Un-day

I woke up to a second day of incredible fog. I thought it would be fun to see what the infrared camera captured in the thick fog.
I was surprised at the amount of light I did get!

The bark of the trees actually reflected an unforeseen light back to the camera.

The green pine needles turned white in the black and white version of Fred in the morning paddock waiting for his breakfast...the yard reflected white also.

When the sun broke through just before the rain started...

the whole winter pasture and sky looked amazing!
I took a similar shot with my regular camera and it did not pick up the sky detail like this did.

The rest of the day was dreary and grey with about 1/2 an inch of rain.

Neither Rich or I slept well the night before so we took naps. I don't often do that, but Charlie convinced me that taking a day nap while reading a book with him cuddled on my legs would be perfect.

When I woke, I really wasn't in the mood to do anything at all and the day was still quite dreary. I decided to let my list of to - do's wait another day while I took a day off.

I think my mistake the night before was reading an article about a doctor in Chicago and his account of putting people on ventilators. Of trying to calm them, to suit up and do so many procedures each night. And then watch them on monitors as they respond or don't.
The story was sobering and gut punching. Just the sort of thing I like to read.

But I shouldn't...not ever...ever read something like that before going to bed.
I didn't sleep and when I did it was fitful with dreams of breathing machines and doctors with face masks...
of never being able to touch or hug someone again if they got sick.

Of how this virus has de-humanized us in so many ways. I did finally sleep towards morning. But the night was a nightmare.
I finally found a good book and dove into it until my eyes were too heavy.

Tomorrow is another day.

It rained today...all day!

...and I cleaned the house already and got supper stuff ready...
Laundry is put away...

So... Time to get out the toys and play. Here is "Creepy Baby" with his Funky Frogs imitating the Pinky and the Brain Show:

Frogs:
Whaddya wanna do tonight Creepy?
Creepy:
What we do every night! Take over the World!

[Some won't recall this show, but my kids loved it and so did I.]

....And they said Social Distancing Did NOT matter!!!

Think about it.

And this Dragon is practicing...Safe at Home.

The Unicorns didn't listen once before...but they are now.

These were shots from yesterday before I headed down the valley to look for skunk cabbage and marsh marigolds with Charlie.

 How it sometimes feels....

And lastly? I'll get around to working on my next set of Infrared Shots. I used a different filter this time and am finally getting the 'hang' of it.

Here is a teaser:

Good night all...

Distance Hike

So my friend Mr. Bill was desperate to get OUT of the house and yard to do something different.

I texted him Friday morning and said I was still going for the 3 mile hill hike at about 1pm if he cared to join me.
He replied that even though it was cold and windy, he'd go.

We kept our distance from each other and I took him on the tour of our hills, valleys, and creeks. We crossed our little creek and he inquired if it ran down to join Readscreek and I found myself explaining our 'watershed' to him. I also told him that the locals, the old locals [as we are old ourselves] called Readscreek ... Blackbottom.

When we got to the old logging road above the Back Valley he stopped and stared and was in awe. I asked him if he wanted to go down and walk along the stream and he said YES!
I informed him that we would be doing some stream hopping and rock jumping. He said fine.

I remarked that all the balance activities we did in CrossFit really applied well to light jumps over rocks to criss cross the creek. Plus the steep hillsides were excellent leg and cardio workouts.

Bill asked me how the heck I didn't get turned around in this vast 'wilderness'. I said at first I did but that was 26 years ago and I'd been exploring this acreage ever since I'd moved to the area. I felt like I knew every rock and tree. I certainly knew just about every trail made by the 4 wheelers and the deer.

When I guided him to the edge of the largest ravine/dry run on the land and had him look down he simply just stood there.

And all he could say over and over is 'Wow!'

He went on about what a great place this was to explore and I reminded him that it still was private property but the owner let me have free run of the place and in a way I felt like it was my own playground/backyard. Especially since I've been exploring this land and mine for all these years.

This was a very safe way to socialize and practice social distancing. We didn't have to drive in separate cars to the Kickapoo Valley Reserve, and we could maintain our distance and walk right out back, so to speak.

I had another person ask me if she could come over and go with me. I'm not sure about that. She has 5 children.
I'm certainly going to think long and hard about it.

I want to be polite but also safe. Open air hiking is encouraged but I think now they are recommending no one outside of your household.

That would just mean...Charlie and I.
Oh and Sven.

Things feel surreal.

New and different

So for my Master Naturalist Class, we had to have a daily...or weekly journal of things observed including birds, insects, wild life, ...you get the idea.

I purchased a nice book with pages of 100lb paper stock weight so I could past photos of observations.
That came to a screeching halt last Sunday as the classes are cancelled.

I glued in the last photos I'd taken and decided to continue anyway and make it a personal journal as I used to keep one from Junior year in high school until I started a blog.

I find that getting OFF the internet is satisfying in so many ways. I won't be pasting any photos in the book for a long time now. I may resort to drawing again!

I think this will be my personal thoughts and observations for the duration of this Pandemic. Just notes, temps, observations, and random thoughts...that is good enough for me...
and it keeps me away from reading all that horrid news.

I've also decided to see what I had on hand and be a bit creative when I have to be quiet while hubby is napping and it is pouring cats and dogs outside.

Eventually spring will appear -- this morning it is snowing and blowing after an inch of rain yesterday.

The daffy's are trying to poke up in the yard and the tulips are making an appearance.

In the woods the leeks are poking up also.

I found some nettles sprouting and will gather them to add to our vegetables or make some tea.

As soon as I get another good sunny day I will be hunting wild parsnips in the valley. They are hard to clean, a pain to chop up and prepare, but taste wonderful when sauteed.

We are practicing isolation here. Yesterday I took Charlie to the vet and he got his shots updated. The vet was wearing a mask and gloves. Her eyes looked tired and wary.
It was an awkward situation. Normally she and her staff are so cheery and outgoing. Yesterday it was obvious that I was seen as a possible infection. I asked her if she was going to close down and she avoided my eyes and said..."It's and hour by hour situation."

I dropped by the feed store and picked up Senior Feed for the elder mules. The Ag guy and I too kept our distances. I said thanks and hopefully I'd see him again..and stay well.

Our community is however doing great things in town. Neighbors texting neighbors, "I'm going to the store? Can I get you something?"
The bike brigade taking meals to the elderly and leaving the meals at their doors.

McDonalds in town giving meals to children between the hours of 11 and 2pm. Free meals.

I'm proud of our rural community.

This afternoon a neighbor will come over and we will hike the neighboring land together. We will be out and distanced but still able to exchange conversation. Human contact is important.

In the mean time. My bathtub is now sparkling! Dust has been banished from all surfaces.
I'm actually trying to plan meals.

I'm looking forward to foraging.

The old mule will be my pack animal.
Life is different, but doable.

Our CrossFit community has set up a Zoom thing? We can all get on line and see each other at 5pm each day? I'm going to try that.

I'm also grateful that my MIL is now in a home. It is the safest place she can be in right now.

And this extra time will allow me to explore some more digital art.

Hope you are all well.

Stay safe.

And it was Friday...the 13th...

I went to my regular CrossFit time and was able to write up a warm up for anyone else who happened to show up.

So myself and my friend Bill were the only ones to show up. My membership ends on Monday so I figured this would be my last day in the Wellness Center.

The COVID-19 was splashed in the news everywhere. The amount of people on the other side of the gym was diminished greatly.

Our coach was in the process of renting a place for us. Everyone was excited. Me? Not so much. I told Bill that after this, I was not going to be around 'crowds'. Not so much for myself but I need to keep my husband safe.

I hit Walmart afterward and picked up some fresh lettuce and fruits and some pepper. I saw people with gallons of milk in their carts and signs up with limits on certain goods. The isle for hand sanitizers was barren. I know you can make that stuff fairly easily and I had everything at home in my bag of vet/human first aid things.

I picked up veggie seeds and an extra bag of food for Charlie.

Then I headed for the Kickapoo Valley Reserve.

And we hiked the Wintergreen Trail.

There I am a rare photo thanks to Bill of me after climbing a hillside to 

show Bill one of the ice caves.

Pictures from our hike.

Bottom of fern leaf on the bluff

Infrared shot from the lookout

And of course our pace setter...Charlie...

When I got home I opened my emails.

Banking should be on line or the drive up.
Master Naturalist Class was now cancelled.
All WI schools were cancelled as of Wednesday.
The VA had procedures for appts. Line up to get in the parking lot to get screened. Telehealth.
The nursing homes instituted more severe restrictions.
Local restaurants asked patrons to 'order out' and not eat in.

I spent most of the night awake even though I was tired.

How was our life going to change?
I didn't have to really wonder very much. Things were going to be a crapshoot.

I felt pretty lucky. Spring was coming.
Foraging in the woods would be a wonderful way to get exercise and fresh wild veggies.

~~~~~
And as always. Things are rapidly changing again today, Sunday.
The schools are closed now and won't extend until Wednesday.
A tent is being set up to triage people in the hospital parking lot.

I am done being a part of the madness. I am going to actively become isolated for my husband's sake.

Yikes and Coronavirus

Maybe the CrossFit shake up happened at a good time? Most of our group of maniacs are finding small ways to work out in the outdoors doing WOD's and adding fun things like car pushing, feed sack carries, and other fun things.

Small groups of as little as two are doing work outs together when they ...can as we wait for the next step ...and there is something in motion for that.

Our Coach has sent out workouts to do at home with no equipment! Very cool stuff. It takes real dedication to do that.

But in the face of the Coronavirus epidemic, pandemic, or sickness.
Working out at home, working from home, staying home, are all choices we have to think about.
I am pretty darned lucky to be able at this time to stay home and we are lucky that we are 'isolated' in a way.
We live in a very rural area.
That is not going to stop me from hiking. It won't stop me from enjoying the outside as much as I can now that the weather is nicer. But it did make me look at how my mom and Grandmother always had food stocked in dry form, canned form, or frozen form.
I used to joke that our family could survive the 'worst' case scenario.

Mom had learned from WWII and rationing. I think Grandma understood it well too after living through the 1918 pandemic, the Great Depression, and WWII.

Am I over reacting? Possibly!
But we got notification that the Nursing Homes are in 'lockdown' locally. School field trips are being cancelled. So is it over reaction? I live with an individual with compromised health. The regular flu could kill him. So why not take precautions?

The local VA clinics and the hospitals now have patients line up in the parking lot as they do screening before you enter for an appointment. They are asking patients to do video visits for common colds.
Any time I walk through the VA clinics I feel a bit cautious for my hubby. So many people with masks and without masks, a person just needs to look around to see the large population of very vulnerable elderly veterans.

So what to do?
Well.
Simple, but not so simple.

I will try to carry on with my more or less normal life. Continue with Master's Class. I will ask them if they have prepared for this scenario.

And wonder. Is this Coronavirus being overblown? Is it not?
Prepare in case?

What will happen to our economy? What will happen to people like my son and his wife who can't work from home?

We are entering a new and uncharted territory.

Things could get very interesting.