Wednesday, May 23, 2018

Be Still...What ifs!

It is 4 AM and I awaken. The house is Still. I am the only one awake and it is still dark outside.

Charlie wakes up when I walk into the kitchen. As is his routine I let him out of his crate and we walk out onto the porch. He stands quietly and looks around in the pre dawn dark. There is a hint of light to the woods in the northwest sky.
He does his business and we walk back into the house where I warm up some coffee from yesterday's leftovers while I feed Charlie. It is early for him but he doesn't mind and he quietly munches away.

My morning musings are not light and airy. I awakened with all sorts of jobs to do on my mind. The yard that needs mowing, the garden that needs tilling, dog food for Dixie, checking the forest fence, and the CT scan that was ordered for Rich tomorrow. Company for the weekend. Shipping the extra head of cattle, ... getting the diesel truck in for service. MIL...

I generally awaken in the middle of the night with the 'What ifs'. What if this happens, what will I do? What if ...
I hate the What ifs.

I flip open my laptop and sip coffee. No, I am not going to read the news, so I check the emails and turn my cell phone on to Airplane mode.
I click on a song I heard last night while watching an old episode on Criminal Minds. I play it and am stunned again by the song. I'd never heard of the group nor the song but for some reason it hits home.
Be Still by The Fray.

I listen to it again.
I finish my coffee and close the laptop.

Charlie looks up and in the semi dark I attach his cord and grab my camera case. We walk up the long hill. The sky is now giving us a private showing of pinks and purples breaking away the night into a new day.
I pick up Charlie and show him the sky. I want him to be as awestruck as I am.
Well, he isn't. He is more interested in deer poop. I let him down and he walks with me to the ridge.

And I stand still. I am still.


I walk a bit further down the road towards the south.


And then I just stand. I watch the fog and the colors change. The fog creeps up and the trees in the distance disappear.

The song is repeating in my head now, echoes of the words... Be Still, over and over...and the lyrics...
I sigh and watch the day break.

Charlie and I head home. I have to make fresh coffee.
Daybreak was amazing and I feel sorry for those people who never make the time to experience the special show that is put on for them each day.


Be Still ~ The Fray
Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know I am here
Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still, be still, and know

When the darkness comes upon you
And colors you with fear and shame
Be still and know that I'm with you
And I will say your name

If terror falls upon your bed
And sleep no longer comes
Remember all the words I said
Be still, be still, and know

And when you go through the valley
And the shadow comes down from the hill
If morning never comes to be
Be still, be still, be still

If you forget the way to go
And lose where you came from
If no one is standing beside you
Be still and know I am

Be still and know that I'm with you
Be still and know I am

Be Still

5 comments:

  1. Gorgeous light in these photos! I hate it when my mind won't turn off and I can't get to sleep. The older I get, the more it happens.

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  2. Thanks. I needed to be still. It has been a week. Being a caregiver sucks sometimes and many things go by the way side, I try to have silent time sometime during the day...seems like my nights are shorter all the time. :) I try not to what if? Cause it can be downright scary:(

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  3. Beautiful song.
    Country sunrises & sunsets - cityfolk never know what they're missing; if I ever remembered to bring a camera, it would never do them justice.

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  4. Hope you are okay and just enjoying the warm weather:)

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  5. Listened to the song with tears falling. Sending prayers your way, Val. Never doubt that you're an earth angel.

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