Monday, June 01, 2009

Regrets?

3AM~~ish in the morning.
Yawning, sleepy eyed.

A co-worker enters the room I'm in and sighs glancing at the clock also. I roll my shoulders and try to get the 3AM 'kinks' out.

My co-worker asks quietly if I have any regrets.
He must have seen the expression on my face in the dim lit room.

He adjusts his seat and then says:
'Are there paths in life that you wished you would have taken instead of the ones you did?
You know, how things might be different.'

[It is the 3am philosophical conversation we sometimes engage in, it passes time and is often interesting with this person]

I think for a moment. Tomorrow I turn 53 which gives me some "life" experiences I guess. My co-worker is young yet, perhaps in his late 30's or early 40's. I can recall being that age well and having doubts of my own.

I fold my hands in my lap.
'Do I have regrets? No, not anymore. Should I have taken different paths? Do I wonder how things could have turned out differently? Oh a different path may have taken me down another road and I wouldn't be here ... now would I?
I guess what really matters is am I happy? I have no sorrows about where I am in life, I'm happy now and that is what I think is the most important, don't you think?'

My co-worker smiles and says:
'Interesting, the answer so many people give is a long list of things they should have done and then they list all the mistakes they perceive to have made in their life.
You don't.'

'Oh, I've made plenty of mistakes, but you can't change the past by pondering and worrying about it. The past is the past and it is done with.
I can't change the past, I can't obsess about it; and I can only deal with the future as it happens.
My past is part of what has shaped me today.
Nope, no regrets, I wouldn't change a thing.'

Sometimes 3AM can be interesting.

2 comments:

Rachel said...

The nice thing about getting older is settling in your skin, isn't it? And you're right. The only question you should have is, "Am I happy?" :)

Val said...

That is true Rachel...happiness is the key isn't it?