Sometimes I just sits and thinks....

*Sometimes I just sits and thinks...sometimes I just sits...* ~ A.A. Milne from Winnie the Pooh.

I spent a long time sitting alongside the creek yesterday while my friends were exploring after a weekend of deer hunting.

I was just thinking.
Thinking about some good things that have happened to me. CrossFit is still fun and I enjoy it. I'm part of a camera club now. There will be a Field Trip to the Rotary Lights with mentors helping everyone with photography. I can always learn new things.

Rich. The newer Rich is pretty interesting. Since his depression treatments, he is either severely grumpy, thus I dub him Grumpy Gus...or very happy. I don't like Grumpy Gus times. He gets snarky and testy over every little thing.
It is hard to get him out of the house.
His knee still hurts. However it didn't seem to bother him when he was out standing for a few hours while watching for deer. But he claims it is too cold to go outside. He won't help with chores. It is too cold or it may bother his knee.

The happy guy laughs and gives me reason to smile. I like that guy. The silent guy watches TV shows on Netflix ... binge watches hours at a time... at a high volume. Then gets angry when he has finished all the seasons of a show he likes.

I accidentally started a show that we had previously watched. I said something about it being a repeat. He adamantly said it wasn't. I went in the kitchen and painted crafty stuff and wore headphones to listen to Pandora. Why not? If he can watch 6 seasons over, that is less time I have to spend searching for him.

I tossed another rock into the icy water of the creek and watched a puff of sand float towards PeeWee's.

I looked up at the Teddy Bear on the desk and thought of Winnie the Pooh and his adventures.

I pulled out the plastic ornaments from my camera bag. I'd had an idea. The Creek Bears, holidays, color, rocks, snow...and water.

I love these bears. They were lost in a flood and recovered. They have earned the right to be 'special'. I was thinking of a Christmas Card or something like that.

I took about 10 shots to find one I like and I found a flaw with this one too. How did I not see the green stuff on Percy's face? Oh well. Now I have a reason to try this again.

How about all of the bears on the desk? I can do different looks for these shots. Warmer,...colder...black and white. No sun...no shadows.

I left the ornaments on the desk with the bears looking downstream.

I went and sat on a dry flat rock and just listened to the creek for a while.
My friends were still walking above me on the hillside.

I preferred the quiet in the creek.
I mulled over the word dementia and how people can't see the brain 'damage' so it is hard for them to figure out why a person they love changes their behavior.

Perhaps if I painted a huge scar over Rich's forehead it would help me and others understand why things don't always make sense. My mother in law needs one too.

I tossed another rock in the creek. I could hear my friends coming down the hillside trail.

What was in my future? I had to think about it.

"What about it Teddy Bears?"

They didn't answer.

Why do I walk the Woods?

I really wanted to be very clever and say something with deep inner meaning and thought.
I even read Rumi for some inspiration, but sadly, his words are not my words.

So instead I told my husband that I was going to wander down to the creek. I said something like "To check the trail camera." He looked at me and smiled. He was sitting and watching Netflix. I know he is in there and he smiles, but his face is innocent and almost blank.  He also knows that what I mean to say is:

"Hey honey, I'm going for a walk because I can't sit still."

He is much better now, not depressed but still the person I used to be with has become someone else. It isn't his fault. The brain won't work quite the way it used to.

I grab a copy of Mary Oliver's book "Felicity" and my camera. I say over my shoulder as I head out, "See you in a bit!"

He nods and turns back to the program he is watching.

Funny how he never watched TV and now that occupies his afternoon hours. I can't even drag him away from it unless I walk up and hit the pause button.

I clutch the book with me and wonder why I've brought it. Really? A poetry book?
And it could start to rain at any moment.

I shrug and head out across the soggy meadow, my feet going squish squish across the grass. Actually, the National Weather Service predicted 2 to 4 inches of rain again tonight. So I am worried about the desk and the bears. 

The camera bag bumps me as I negotiate the trail down the steep hill. I can hear water falling from the 'run' off to the left. But it is getting darker out so I won't explore all of what I want to. I'll save that for another day.
I have something important in mind, but the idea is not clear yet.

I get distracted and make a slight detour.

The light is fading so I work quickly. I know exactly what I want to 'shoot'. I carefully lay the book on top of the camera bag and take some shots.

I want to see how these areas will change after another flash flood.

I can hear water droplets falling out of the trees. My book has gotten water on it. I carefully wipe it off and continue downstream towards 'the beach'.

I pick a rock to take a shot on. I need to find a good spot to 'shoot' from now until Spring. I want to see how this looks in all seasons.

Well, that is not what I came for not really.

I stand up and hold the book in my hands.

There is the desk.
It is very heavy and shouldn't wash away, but I don't want it to get damaged.

So I move it.
I carefully set the Artist Conches that the kids had drawn on aside and put them inside the desk.

I move the desk up above the creek to where it will be safe.

Off in the distance I hear a rumble.

I wipe off the desk and sit down.

And I flip open the book.
I read:

A Voice from I Don't Know Where

It seems you love this world very much.
  "Yes," I said. "This is a beautiful world."

And you don't mind the mind, that keeps you
   busy all of the time with its dark and bright wonderings:
   "No I'm quite used to it. Busy, busy,
   all of the time."

And you don't mind living with those questions,
   I mean the hard ones, that no one can answer?
   "Actually, they're the most interesting."

And you have a person in your life whose hand
   you like to hold?
   "Yes I do."

It must surely, then, be very happy down there 
   in your heart.
   "Yes," I said. "It is."

~ Mary Oliver

I close the book.

I now know why I walked the woods today.