Once upon a time...

Musing on Aging by Sandra made me think a little about how we change over all the years. We do age and it comes as a surprise to us in many ways.

Can we recognize all the changes we've had in our lives. How do we see aging now? Well, when I was in my 20's, 30's, 40's, and 50's, I didn't even think about aging. I was really just working, living and busy with other things in life.

When I was a kid. I didn't think about adults. Grandma Pearl was an old adult. I mean, Grandma's were considered old. That was just a fact. 

Me with the glasses at my Aunt's house, I think. Yes, I started life with bifocals.

School photo and shot that my dad took when my brother tied me up in the yard with jump ropes. Sometime in the 1960's.

I have many shots of me growing up, but that isn't the point. Here I am in the shot below in my early 20's with my firstborn son.

Years later with my first born grandson.

2020 during the Pandemic. Self portrait of looking out the window. I don't like photos of me, but this was done for a class.

Last 4th of July at the track with my grandson that was in the above photo.

I like the photos of me when I was young much better than the photos I have now. But it is what it is. 

Lastly, a shot of me this week at Mobility Class. We have all ages doing this together. Tory is next to me, she was the little girl who rode last week at my house.

The other folks are in the 40's and the gent is in his mid 60's.

How about recognizing those who grow older and change with age? Some folks change a LOT. Some don't.

 I looked up one of my previous foster sons just for kicks. I'd last seen him while he was in high school. He now runs a business and I wouldn't have recognized him at all except there was a photo of him on his SM page of his teen years. 

People change, some people don't change much.

Inside me? I don't feel changed at all. I can see the effects of aging outside on my skin and changes in my body. But in my mind I don't feel really that different. I seem surprised to find out that I am not quite the same person I was in my early years. 

I know people see me as aged and older. 

I used to freak out at photos of me that showed my wrinkly beat up skin. Funny, how we reach an age or reach an attitude where perhaps our once youthful looks don't really matter any more. 

I am who I am now and I am okay with that.

Just do it

I admit it. I am a 10 year old trapped in a 66 year old body. 

It has taken me years to admit that. I'm just a kid at heart. Truly I am.

In public and private I have to be responsible as I am hubby's Fiduciary and his CareGiver. CareGiver with bold letters. I won't bore you with what I have to do for him each day.

However, I have found a few things that allow me to maintain sanity in an insane world where stress seems to be lurking in our lives every moment.

I leave the stupid phone at home or stuff it in a backpack but leave it on Do Not Disturb. Then I wander around the pastures and the woods near by.

Last year about this time, I decided to take a tripod into the woods and dress up and do a forest glamor thing. I wanted to look like a wild gypsy in the forest dancing carefree.

You can see that here: Into the Woods.

This year, I was thinking more along the lines of how much fun we used to have playing in the leaves as kids.

The tripod and camera came with me. The shot above is me walking along a cow trail in my neighbor's pasture where I walk often. 

I'm not so great at doing portraits, especially those of myself. I'm not a model and I am weatherworn. At this point I no longer care.

I want to enjoy myself and feel free which was exactly what happened when I got into the Maple Forest.

I simply tossed leaves into the air and had a good time. No one was there to even hear me laugh.

But man did it feel wonderful.

And no, I did not come home with hordes of wood ticks either.

I came home feeling pleased and smiling. There is just something fun about play.

If you notice that I am wearing two different colored gloves, you are right. I buy a pack of those cheap stretchy ones each year and keep them in my back packs. I often lose one or another and then just grab whatever. No need to match!

Woke last night...

to the sound of thunder...
how far off,
I sat and wondered...
Started humming a song from
1962
Ain't it funny how the night moves... [Bob Seger]

I love the night sky too much to be afraid of darkness...

[Let me qualify that by saying that I live in a very rural area so any life I'd run into at night would be wildlife and not humans]

I couldn't sleep so I decided to take a walk across the ridge top and through the corn fields before the corn got too tall.

I brought a tripod and thought it would be fun to try some Milky Way shots. I am always experimenting and learning. I may even improve a little as I keep going!

Lightening Bugs and stars 

Walking on the road

Headed across the open fields

An attempt at a panorama shot that didn't quite work. Two shots.

I ended up a mile from home on a ridge and I wanted to try another shot where it was sort of a selfie shot with my head lamp shining into the Milky Way. 

The swirls in my light are moths

 that came to dance for me. 

I spent about two hours on the ridge walking and admiring the skies.

My night moves included watching a 'possum watch me. Deer eyes glowing in the woods and further off in the field. Unseen creatures moving about in the underbrush.
No coyote noises. 
No sounds of traffic.

I thought I'd try something different on my way home. My photos of fireflies were sort of bleh and dark so I thought I'd try some 'light' painting with my headlamp.

What felt so amazing is that I'm sure the fireflies danced just for me. I could have stayed all night.

Nothing is more amazing than a clear night sky full of stars and the Milky Way.

Sunday Stills ~ You

Sunday Still #29 ~You

I'm going to go with my own interpretation of this.

1979 Myself and Eddie 
my oldest son

The photo below explains what 

I wanted to be when I grew up.

Me on the left

at 16 yrs old

Our wedding with my 

two boys and his daughter

Morris and I watching the woods.

This is me. 

And hopefully, this is me for a long time....

Where did it go?

Time, that is.

10 months ago, a self portrait in April of last year. Don't mind the messy table, it is always that way. Of course this is where we eat, discuss life, and hang out. It is my 'work' station and our dining area. 

This morning.

I don't like self portraits per se. Especially now that I can see how I have aged. I wonder why it is okay for guys to be aged with wrinkles and it isn't so cool for women?

I'm an outdoors person. Most of my time is spent outside in all the weather. I've beat the hell out of my facial skin. Hopefully wrinkles will come in vogue. You know those lines around the eyes and mouth. That ugly neck that everyone covers up with fancy scarves. 

I thought it would be fun to do some black and white work while I was in the mood.

Hands. My hands and how they have aged.
Once upon a time I looked at hands that worked in an office that were primped and polished. Beautiful nails and smooth skin.

Funny how I never saw the arthritic bumps and lumps and rough skin that are my hands now. But that is the progression of age and outdoor work. Our skin is the organ we all choose to ignore.

I remember being so impressed with my grandmother's hands. They were knotted, crooked, and bumpy. I recall standing with her as she used a scrub brush to get the garden dirt out of the cracks in her fingers. She was going to church and didn't want the other church ladies to see her rough hands.

While I was thinking about hands hubby sat down to cut up and apple. He didn't realize I could 'shoot' from across the table. The benefit of having live view and a flip screen. I set the camera to silent.

If I didn't know these hands belonged to my husband, I would have thought they were my father in law's hands. Age, medical conditions, and medicines all contribute to this dramatic change. 

I find it intriguing and curious. I see his hands while he is using them, but they look so stark when caught in a moment of time.

I'm making my mind up to get more comfortable with the looks of age. After all, I can't avoid it at this point. And I am not going to look suddenly younger. 
The face in the mirror is still aging even if I don't quite feel it on the inside.

Then there was this matter of going upstairs to clean up the room I'd left a mess with things scattered about. Suddenly, I found myself distracted. 

And amused.

I went to put some things away and organize some other things.

Ahhh. 

Well there you go. Another benefit of aging.

You can always give the excuse that 'my mind wandered' while I was upstairs.

Time keeps going. Funny how we are surprised at the changes we never noticed.

And so it goes..

Tonight as I sat out by the tiny fire I'd made for burning burdocks, I listened to the coyotes sing and off in the distance just as dark fell...

that male pheasant gave out on last loud call....

And the Hoot Owls began their nightly songs.

I'd gone to the store on Tuesday during the Senior Shopping hour at our local Quillians store.
I was the only human aside from the manager, check out person and a lady with her father.

I scored 3 potatoes and some apples and ONE onion!

A CrossFit friend of mine who is a Soviet Union Immigrant put things in perspective for me.

I still got potatoes. I still got groceries. AND I do NOT have machine gun fire nor do I have tanks rolling down my street.

We live out in the country which is pretty darned isolated. We live on a dead end road.

This morning my husband asked me if I could hunt squirrel. He then proceeded to give me a bit of a lesson of how you have to let them sit still in a tree and nail them in the head.
I recall my mother telling me the same stories. About how her dad gave her 3 bullets for the .22 and told her to come home with 3 squirrels. I think she never failed at her task.

I'm not saying that we'll have to hunt squirrels to survive. But I am saying that my hunting backround could help in a pinch.
And then I think about how lucky I am to live in such a place.

I was raised with learning the skills of fishing, hunting, and growing a garden. I was raised to learn how to put together a meal that did not come from a package or box.
[EWWW...I hate cooking!]
I learned how to make bread without a bread making machine thingy.

This week I have to trim...somehow...my mules hooves. Yes. Shelter in Place doesn't include hoof trims.
My eldest mule will help with spring foraging for parsnip roots and morels.

My other mules will be used for much of the same purposes. Foraging wild food. IF I had a harness and a plow I'd use them for turning over the garden. Alas, I don't.

I want Rich NOT to get sick. And he is perfectly happy being a Hermit. His VA Nurse called today and put off his visit with his PCP until October.

So tonight I set small fires to the burdock I'd pulled for hours.
I didn't think about all the world problems, I thought about Burdock and I thought about making supper.

And I did not think of all the what ifs....

And that is good enough for me right now.

Not defeated Yet!

Some days I just feel like I've accomplished nothing.

I know I have, but when I run into a dead end, I get frustrated rather easily.

So I called a guy who advertises that he trims and takes down trees! He is insured, yadda yadda. He came out and took a look around. I showed him what I would like done and he then said that he really was into logging and that he did this trimming and take down stuff on wet days when he couldn't log.

I was getting this vibe that said...he isn't even remotely interested.

Then he went on to motion at the trees and tell me if I wanted clean up he'd dump it all in the yard, tear up the yard, and it would be $1,800 a day and at least two days after cutting the trees down.

Full Service my a--.

"So I'd suggest looking around and IF you can't find anyone else, give me a call."
His parting words.
I hope he didn't look in his rear-view mirror as he left. I was giving him the finger.
I felt really defeated and down.


Fast forward to the next day. CrossFit workout. It was tough and hard. A few times I was ready to quit. The coach came up and kept saying quietly, *You can do this.*
Funny. Now when I get into a tough spot I hear his little mantra behind me. Well, probably in my head.

As I was leaving CrossFit yesterday I ran into one of the new gals. I really have liked her from day one. We started talking in the locker room and next thing I know I am asking for her to put her cell phone number on my phone and her husband's. He cuts trees for a living. Dang.
Serendipity strikes again.

I'll see where this leads.

I decided to take an afternoon just for me. I made a snack for Rich and made sure that he and Charlie were all set, then headed to the Kickapoo Valley Reserve to ride the old 131 trail. I wanted to ride to the north side and then all the way south.

And...I did. I took my converted camera.

And took my time.

Full spectrum allows me to use the camera as I normally would also...neat huh?

I took the following two shots with the same camera. I just used the 'hot mirror' for color and the 665nm filter for the infrared look.

I think I prefer the IR look in the super bright sunlight.

Anyway, it was a fun experiment.

As I drove home I stopped at my favorite sunrise spot to grab a shot of the cattle in Black Bottom Creek.

I really love how this turned out. It just goes to prove that clouds, sky, water, and greenery really make an IR shot.

I haven't heard back from the tree folks, but I've decided not to let it be an end all thing for me.
Rich told me to 'chill' out. I was trying too hard to do everything at once.

I received a couple of more phone numbers for guys who do trimming, I'll work on that next week. But for now?

*I got this.*