Life and death and decisions...

Frightful weather!

Overnight it snowed again. More snow/drizzle stuff. I spent about an hour last night cleaning out certain areas with a shovel. I had everything exactly how I wanted it and then...
it snowed again...and drizzled.

I saw an electric snow shovel on another blog I follow and thought that was the cat's meow until I realized that I'd have to keep it plugged in and a cordless one would operate for 25 to 30 minutes.
I almost considered a snow blower but only for about 30 seconds when I saw all the instructions and gas mixing stuff.
Ok, not a choice for me.

I'm still thinking of a little plowing machine type 4 wheeler job. It would get all the flat areas I needed cleared and a tiny bit of shovel work would do the trick. IF there was a blizzard and a few feet of snow, well that is different sort of story.

The weather this morning is not good so I'm not going into town until it settles down. There is supposed to be an icy mix of 'stuff' moving through.

I spent the day at the hospital with my MIL again yesterday.
I discovered that I actually do have a heart in my body. I've been accused of being too unemotional in the past and I admit it. I usually don't let emotions get in the way of pragmatic thinking.
I put 'the job' in front of me first and don't get all emotional and upset as that doesn't help the thought process.
But yesterday I sat and watched the nurses and lab lady pull blood as MIL cried out and kept crying. I wondered exactly how on earth was modern medicine helping?

Congestive Heart Failure along with Kidney Disease progresses to organ malfunction, fluids in the lungs, and a rather long list of probable outcomes. Death is the last outcome and it is unavoidable.

MIL struggled hard for air and she literally sounded as if she were gurgling.

Two members of the family had been asking if they should come. One is further away and would require a flight.
They didn't ask me though as my reply would have been 'I am at a loss as to why you haven't already come before?'

So I struggled with being the only relative there and I was the daughter in law.

I fetched a warmed blanket after the gals had gone, a CNA said she could put it on MIL.
I said, "No! I'll do it. This way she can feel me tuck her in and put my arms around her. I'm family, it is much nicer to have a family member tuck you in than a stranger."
The CNA smiled and handed me the blanket.

And as I tucked my MIL in and she groaned with delight, I felt my heart fall to pieces.

I was grateful that there was no one else in the room to see my tears or feel my heartache. Me, the ever stoic person.

And I felt anger at the daughter who had said that she didn't want to see her mom until after she had passed because it was too stressful for her.
I thought of the opportunities that the family members had passed up in the last 8 months of seeing MIL happy, clean, well fed, and chipper at the nursing home. I thought of the funny things that MIL and I have been sharing. And I was very angry and then very sad.
And then I felt grateful that I had taken the time to be with her. That I had visited.

And then I thought how much I would miss her too.

I sat back to watch her fall into a much more comfortable sleep.

And before I left for the day I wondered this awful thing.
How we as a human race will let our pets pass on when they are so ill and in so much pain.
But we won't/can't let our chronically ill people go ...or just keep looking for treatments to prolong suffering?

I'm really not a cruel person. I just can't see going through momentous efforts that cause pain and only have the same result in the end.

I am so very glad that Rich and I put together Advanced Directives and Living Wills in place. I know my son will make sure that they are carried out if I am not able to implement them.

Stupid things

Hold the scythe...
There won't be any war on burdock for the moment.

The other night I decided the windows in the upstairs bedrooms should be closed. So I charged up the stairs without turning on the lights and had stuff in both my hands.
Do you see where this may be going?

I apparently did not remove the little fan that blows the A/C air down the stairs and I forgot about it until I tripped on it and the next thing I know is I feel a crush against my chest and even with both hands that flew out and dropped stuff...I landed on the fan. Against the ribs on the left side.

So at first I just stayed still to see if I could still breathe. I could but the contact points where I landed felt like I'd been kicked by a huge mule. Then I wondered if I'd awakened Rich. I didn't. He never heard the noises I'd made.
Next I slowly pushed myself in a seated position so I could see if I could sit up.
I could and I was able to still breathe.
Well, I could breathe fine, just not huge deep breathes.

I stayed sitting and wondered how I would have handled it if I'd really hurt myself.
Well.

I turned on the lights, noted that I didn't break the fan. I shut the windows and carefully went back downstairs. I found some pillows and a blanket and made myself a 'nest' on the couch with an icepack.

How embarrassing, how stupid. How dumb. All thoughts that ran through my head. One little thing. Of course in the middle of the night I was thinking how just one small little thing like that could cause a life changing event.

Oh. And I was pretty sure I'd bruised the ribs and all the muscles in that area. Bummer. I wasn't going to CrossFit until they healed up.
Funny how the mind works in the middle of the night.

I went to see a doctor at the clinic. I didn't go the first day, it was too painful to drive. At the urging of my husband and a few of my CrossFit friends texting...to ask 'What did the doctor say?'
I went.
I was able to see a nurse practitioner who was a CrossFit nut like myself. She isn't currently doing it but we know all the same people. She was empathetic and understood my disappointment at hurting myself.

Xrays. No broken bones.
The treatment is the same for fractures and bruising. Though I don't have any skin bruises which surprised me. But that may be because the fan was plastic?

Anyway, the intrinsic muscles all the way down my left rib-cage are strained and sprained. Ice/heat, Tylenol, and a muscle relaxer were what she suggested.

So I may have to put the war on Burdocks on my list for later or not at all.

So what did I learn? Well turn on the lights? Don't rush?
You can bet that I won't do that again.
Well.
Not for a while.

I may have to take the Killer Fan and dispose of it.

Angry Subaru and knees

My new Subaru has TPM. Tire Pressure Monitors. Last Thursday night we had a 'snow' event that made the roads pure ice under the snow on the black top roads. Our county road was a piece of wicked winter work.

The gravel road wasn't too bad either. The new 'Ru also lets me know that the temperature outside is cold enough to produce slick spots. Thank you vehicle, as if I didn't understand that 20 degrees means there could be ice on the roads.
Well, it is a safety feature just like the TPM.

I checked the air pressure and it was a bit low in the tires, but apparently my gauge must not be quite accurate.
I called the dealership wondering what I should do and they asked me to bring it in.

I didn't like driving it with all of those warning lights on. I just kept hearing a little tiny voice in the back of my head "Warning Will Rodgers! Warning! Danger!"

I also skipped my 6 AM class because the thought of suddenly being stranded at 5:30 on a country road didn't sound so great in 20 degree weather.

The Service Rep was so kind to explain to me that when there was a sudden huge drop in temperatures this sort of thing occurred in most all tires and vehicles unless I kept it in a warm garage. Seems to me I recall my husband checking tires on the old vehicles in the cold months and adding air.

These are Nitrogen filled tires. Um. Yep. But you can put regular air in them.
Oh this new technical world! I also have the Starlink activated. Since I transport both my husband and my MIL who have medical issues, it is nice to know that an ambulance can be dispatched to my location if one of my passengers have a medical emergency. I can also push the other button and get roadside assistance.
Nifty but strange.

Anyway. Back to the tires. I was filled at no charge, they checked the tires and sensors for issues and all was fine.

I'm sure the service rep thought I was kind of a twit for not knowing about cold temps and tires, but hey Rich was my go to guy and he said he didn't know what caused it. Well I learned something new.

All the tires are happy now and filled properly. And I am headed off to CrossFit and then the store. All my errands in town should be done by 8:30 am. That is a nice feeling.

It will leave me some time today to go look for ice formations. No dogs allowed on this little adventure. I want to concentrate on some quiet time for me after spending the day at the VA yesterday.

Oncology was happy that there is no sign of cancer returning. We spent hours though getting someone to see his swollen knee cap again. A referral to Ortho is weeks out yet. It doesn't seem that anyone wants to really deal with it. I explained that it hurt him so bad that he could barely get in and out of our car not to mention getting around the house.

I also explained to the nurse the importance of mobility for his mental health and well being.

It did not fall on deaf ears, but those ears were extremely sympathetic.

I fixed the Subaru easily, it is happy now.
I can't fix Rich's knee, it is very unhappy now. In fact at 3AM he said it hurt like a son of.....

He told me to go to work out and he'd be fine sleeping until I got back.

Adventures with a tooth

I had two or three cavities when I was in college. They were rather small ones and I also had a larger one on a back molar.

I was 19 when I had those cavities taken care of. I haven't had one since. I thought that was something to really be proud of.

Last week one of those molars started to bother me. I knew I had a check up coming soon so I sort of ignored it. It was a bit painful for a cold drink.
I had an argument with myself for a few days.

"Call your dentist."
"Don't call, you'll be there in two weeks."

I shrugged the thoughts off. Mother in law's problems and the nursing home kept coming up each day. It seemed there was some sort of 'crisis' either with MIL herself or something that had to do with her situation.
I ignored the nagging in the back of my mouth and marched forward, taking care of things one at a time.

However, the irritation kept coming back in waves. By Thursday afternoon when we left the nursing home I looked across the road and could see my dentist's office. I regretted that I hadn't called. I knew they didn't have Friday hours and besides, the next day was Good Friday.

Our whole town shuts down on Good Friday.
And...I our Kenosha Gang was going to be here.

I'd call for sure on Monday.
Yep. Monday.

By Friday morning my lower jaw was aching. I took some Tylenol. We went hiking and actually the distraction of being outside made the ache a bit more dull.

By Saturday I took some prescription strength Tylenol and fought waves of intense pain up and down the side of my face. However, there was not a thing I could do.
We went hiking and exploring in the back valley. Also known as the Lost Valley.
At supper, I took a bite of the incredibly delicious soup Amanda had made and waves of intense and fierce pain hit me. I had to sit still and concentrate on merely breathing.
Saturday night was a nightmare. At midnight I woke up with waves of undulating pain alongside my jaw and into my ear. I got up and sat on the couch. I seriously considered waking one of our guests to take me to Urgent Care. Somehow I muddled through the painful night and met our company with some coffee in the morning.

They went to Black Bottom Creek without me to take morning photos. I was so tired and in a brain pain fog.
Sunday night was no better.

Monday morning I called the dentist office as soon as they opened. I got in fairly quickly.
Dr. Klum and Sarah ... my neighbor from out on the ridge greeted me. They took me into a room in the dental office I'd never been in. After a quick exam and some poking around Dr. Klum showed me the X ray and explained what happened.
The old filling had pushed out against the tooth and cracked it. She surmised that the tooth was now dying. The pain was a symptom of that.
She pointed out the roots of the tooth and that she could see the swelling.


I had some choices. Root canal, --she'd have to send me to another doctor-- and if the tooth was good enough, they could save it. Or.
Pull it.

We talked about choices. I was totally in fear of both the root canal and the pulling. She said she could schedule me for an oral surgeon to sedate me and extract the tooth.

I asked how she did it. She said she'd totally numb me and I'd feel nothing but pressure and hear noises.

The cost difference was huge.

"Extract it," I said. It was a back molar and I could probably do just fine without it. I couldn't bear the thought of setting up multiple appointments for drilling, cleaning and needles in the mouth. I just wanted the pain to end.

Dr. Klum numbed my inner jaw with something. I laid back in the chair.
I could see her approach with this MONSTEROUS needle and then there was a poke and a pinch. Instantly the pain I'd endured for days stopped.

For whatever reason I started to tear up and cry. Tears rolled down my face. Dr. Klum and Sarah grabbed tissues and asked if I was okay.

I nodded and then finally blubbered out, "It is such a relief! You killed the pain!"
Dr. Klum put her hand on my shoulder and smiled.
I lost count of how many shots of Novocain she put in my mouth. But she and Sarah then talked to me about how the procedure would go for a bit.
I imagine it was to make sure the Novocain was working.

Dr. Klum poked around in my mouth asking if I felt this...or that.
"Nope, nope."

And then she started. I could feel her push and pull and wiggle back and forth. I had a soft block in my mouth that held it open. I could appreciate how difficult it was for her to work as I have been told I have a very small mouth.

Soon she declared, "All done! There it is!" It was as though she'd won a prize. She said it came out perfectly. 

She showed me the tooth and I asked if I could have it. I wanted to look at the thing that had caused me so much pain, anguish, and sleepless nights.
We looked at the tooth more closely.

She turned it over and held it under a magnifying glass so I could see the cracks and the dying roots of the tooth. She pointed out that if we'd left it in longer it would have caused and infection.

"Hmmm." She said, "I think we did the right thing. I don't think a root canal would have saved this tooth."
I smiled.
I'm not sure there are many dentists out there that can make you feel good with their words as they are doing such a procedure on you.

I won't ignore tooth pain again. I think I've learned my lesson.

Thank you to Dr. Klum for doing such a great job.
Thank you Sarah for assisting.

I will still thank you when I receive my bill.

I went home and slept all day. I went to bed at 9 pm and Charlie let me sleep in until 6:30 AM.

I feel human again.