December and Surprise!

Welcome December!

It sure came in with a colorful and amazing sunrise.

Thursday morning I ran errands. I had Christmas Cards to pick up in case I got the notion to sit down and make out cards. I'm not very good at that. On a whim, I went by the toy isle and picked up a Jurassic World Lego Toy. It had a big truck in it and two dinosaurs. I was interested in mainly the truck.

When I got home, I unpackaged the Legos and set it down on the table.

Rich looked at it and said, "What's this?"

I said "Oh, hmmm, I needed a truck for the village and there is a red one in there somewhere. I need you to make it." 

I walked off to put some things away.

We had a Video Connect appointment with his Mental Health doctor and I had to have hm put things to the side.

Our conversation was much different than the one he had a month ago. It normally sounds exactly like this

How are you?
The same nothing changes.

...and it started out that way until....

I told him to tell her about the Lego building we had been doing. He rolled his eyes and shook his head and then the doctor was able to convince him to tell her about it.

He started to laugh and talked about how 'my wife can't build Legos without any directions and she messes up all the time so I have to supervise her!'

He said it was nothing but stupid. I interjected the obvious. I told the doctor that we engage for at least two hours at a time when working on the Lego 3D puzzles and he often can figure things out for himself. He was engaging socially, using his mind to problem solve, working with small motor skills, ... and NOT sitting and staring out the window.

Then Rich went on to tell her a bit about building and directions and how he was figuring things out. He explained that he used to run a welding shop where he had to think things up on the fly in order to create or fix things so Legos was sort of the same.

With Aphasia, it took a bit for him to explain it, but I could see her face light up while they were talking. He was animated and laughing as he explained the concept of Legos.

Who knew? Right? This doctor had never seen him laugh or engage like he did in this video meeting. She even quipped that she should prescribe Legos...and casually wondered aloud how to do that.

I'd sent a photo to his daughter of her father working on the red truck. She asked if Lego had tractors as she would like to get him something different for Christmas.

I sent her a link to a set that isn't very pricey but had a nice tractor and trailer build by Lego Technic which means the tractor will have articulated parts.

Hey, the guy loves tractors and cars. Maybe he can build some models. Of course we'd do it together because those really tiny parts are hard for him with his tremors.

Win. Win.

Then around supper time I received an email from the Kickapoo Valley Reserve:

Congratulations,  I’m happy to inform you that your photo “Campsite AA Gibbous Moon” has been voted for a Voter’s Choice Award.  If you are able, please come to the Holiday Happening on December 3 for the public announcement at 5:30 p.m. Please keep the secret until then!  Feel free to contact me if you have any questions.  I hope to see you on Saturday. 

The photo above is the one the email refers to. SHHH, don't tell anyone!

More important though was the afternoon project.

And the result:

I wonder how the Christmas Village will welcome dinosaurs?

What a wonderful way to the start of December.

 

It's okay, really

 

This was a week of appointments and craziness.

Rich was tested in Pulmonary Therapy with regards to the six minute walk. He actually did pretty well. His gait was very slow and he did have to rest for a full minute after 4 minutes of walking. He was using O2. 
He agreed to coming to PT 3 times a week.

We traveled to Madison to see a Urology specialist who did some testing [I'll spare you the details]. Only to find out that what Rich was experiencing was pretty normal for someone of his age and his medical concerns.

I should have understood that this was a warning of sorts. We headed home and he was furious. He was sure that the doctor would 'fix' the problem instead of telling him that he needed more exercise and more walking. His legs are pumps, if the pumps don't get used the fluid builds up and at night and that causes more problems. [Okay, it is more complicated than that. But let's leave it at that.]

The next day was a phone consult with his Mental Health provider. Those phone visits every two months for the past two years are harbingers of Foul Moods and Anger. Rich generally says very little. The provider asks him how things are going and Rich answers his same answer each time. 

The Same. Nothing Changes. 

The more the MH provider tries to talk with him the worse he gets. 

You aren't making anything better. Nothing Changes. 
I want to be better.

I know that the MH provider does not have a magic wand and he does not have the ability to find a magical pill. 

Finally the provider informed him that he was leaving the VA. This created an outburst of anger that was a bit more intense. 

Generally the provider asks if I am there and we go to speaker phone. But with the foul mood Rich was in it didn't happen.

The provider did try and explain things and I could see that none of it was connecting. Rich argued that he did NOT want to come to Madison to see who he was supposed to see next.

When Rich hung up he was very angry. 

He wants me to see something about Aging and something. Old people something?

We are aging, I told him. The referral would actually make sense. He has reached a point in his illness[s] that his medical conditions will not get better. He knew that but knowing it is different than acknowledging it. 

I asked again who was he getting referred to?

I don't know. Something about Old People. 

I tried to tell him that this made sense as he was considered aged and someone who worked with older veterans might be able to help him.

This explanation hit a brick wall of Fury. 

I did what I can only do. I got up and left the house to work in the garden. No sense in fighting a wall.

Eventually he came out. I'd washed the mower deck on the Clipper and he had to flip the deck back up. I tried to help him, but as usual the deck wasn't cooperating because we don't have a good level spot to park it.

He got angry again and decided to heck with it all and he'd drive the Clipper around until the deck behaved.

When I motioned for him stop he started to yell at me. I explained that dragging the deck was not going to make it suddenly behave. He revved the engine and backed up digging up gravel from the driveway.

That was it. I threw up my hands and walked away. He tried to holler at me to 'get back here.' I waved goodbye and kept walking. 

Somedays there is no sense in arguing or being calm, cool, and collected. All of that was out the window by this time. 

I was close enough to see if he got into medical trouble, but far enough away to be removed from the situation.

However.

This must have been an improvement in daily activity as he had gone outside to put the mower back together. Granted, it took 3 days to get the job done in small bits. 

But....

By supper time everything must have been hunky dory. [Is that even a word?] He was back to being a pleasant person.

I know I need someone to come and give me a break. That is evident. However.

Our county suffers like many other places in the lack of available people.

Home home...

I had some conversations with the Respiratory Therapist and his nurse via phone after talking to hubby this morning who was sobbing.
His Respiratory Therapist was concerned but had said that he was holding his own on the treatment he'd been given.

I spoke later with the nurse and we talked about depression and how bad it was. I felt if he was stable all the way around he would be so much better off at home. The longer he was away from home the worse his overall mental health was getting. A sobbing husband doesn't make me feel very good. 

I've been down this road before and have now been able to recognize the direct correlation of desperation and knowing he was 'checking' out. It sounds dramatic, I know, but when really nasty depression hits, this is exactly what comes out of his mouth and he knows he is dying. He may not be dying physically but mentally he is. We too often shy away from talking about mental health care because it is an uncomfortable topic. He is not a nutjob. His brain is damaged in a way we don't understand. 

I pled my case with his nurse. If he was stable, I can still do everything they do...monitor his temp, his blood pressure, and 02 levels. I do that now as a matter of routine. I do his medications, I know him more intimately than any doctor who sees him for 10 minutes.

Fact.
He would do better in familiar surroundings.

Rich told me the nurses were in bubble heads, googles, and full face shields. 

Let's think about that for a moment. Strange rooms, fragile person, [yes he is a tough guy...however he is fragile when he is not feeling well]...strange bubble heads at night in a gloomy room. 

I understand what is happening in our health systems across the country. Over worked healthcare workers. Our little 25 bed hospital is fully loaded. 

So I applaud his nurse for caring enough to hear me out two days in a row and take me seriously. I pointed out that if he was stable enough, he needed to get Mental Health care that they could not offer. He needed to be in a familiar place.

I can do the job of a CNA. I can't do IV's, but I can be there. I can care for him because I do care about him in ways no staff of any place could.

And on Monday morning I can connect with a VA Mental Health provider by phone.

So. The nurse pled my case to the doctor and the doctor visited Rich and said he was medically stable enough to go home. 

He is home! Charlie is relieved, Rich seemed relieved. He is still struggling, but he isn't attached to beepers and being descended upon by Bubble Heads and strangers.

He is mostly in bed, however he has gotten up to eat. I did offer to fix a plate for him to sit in bed and eat. He decided no, he could sit up at the table.
He has suffered a medical insult to his system but I will spare you the diagnosis. 

And now we are under quarantine because he was on the Covid wing.

I now have time to construct the Suck Box. Eddie, my son was the one who had come up with the idea a long time ago. I love it.

Crossed Fingers for the next 14 days.

Surprises

Good Morning on

the Ridge

Good Morning

from the

Creek!

I'm never exactly sure what each day will bring. But yesterday was full of one surprise after another.

There was a beautiful sunrise. 

I admit it. I can rarely sleep past sunrise in the summer. Then it is a struggle to stay up past dark in the evening!

It takes about an hour or so for the sun to shine into the valley. I'm always amazed at how I can watch the sun arrive on the ridge and then walk leisurely to the creek and watch it arrive in the valley.

After I settled Lil' Richard and Sven into their grazing areas for the day and moved the mules to their next rotation, I came in and called our hay guy. When the pastures get short and there isn't much browsing left, I feed some hay to supplement their diets. The mules will eat berry briars and do a fair job of cleaning the woods, but I don't want the two hard keepers to lose weight.

I texted the farrier to see if I could schedule a trimming then set out the clippers for doing manes and ears.

Rich surprised me while I was finishing up my work out.

I'd just finished up the WOD or work out of the day. Pictured are my pine cones that I use to mark off how many rounds I'd done. 

70 jump ropes and 10 Rt arm power snatches and 10 Lt arm power snatches.

I'm handicapped by not having those wonderful dumb bells to use like we do in the gym. So my coach has helped me figure out what items I can use around the farm as weights.

This was a 10 lb sledgehammer.

The reason I mention this is not because I want anyone to be impressed that I work out. 

I want to mention that Rich has taken an interest in finding items that I can substitute as weights.

[Working out has helped me regain strength in my shoulders and it actually makes me feel better. I think it is important for me to do this for my physical and mental health. Doing Virtual WOD's has been a bonus for me. If I don't have time to do the work out first thing in the morning, I do it later in the day. I've missed less workouts this way! But I DO miss the gym and the camaraderie.]

Yesterday he found a 12 lb anchor and a 15 lb anchor for me to use as 'Kettle Bells' for weighted squats.

Rich walked over to his skid steer and fired it up.

He decided to work on those old ruts between the busted up garage and the large shed. I did the shovel work and he gave me directions.

That may sound a bit lopsided, but with his lung issues, he gets out of breath quickly. We've always been fairly good at working together.

I shoveled and he directed. When I got the deep holes filled in he was able to drop the dirt and smooth it out.

I'll plant grass seed when he is finished and the 'lane' will be repaired.

For the afternoon I grabbed my kindergarten pad and Charlie's pillow. I sat on the porch with him while Rich slept. I decided to listen to the birds and read a book.

Charlie seems to be the 

King of Relaxation Techniques.

I don't know if I can attribute my home work outs to Rich's increase in activity, but since I ask him to help 'time' me or find items for me to use, it seems he has more interest in life. 

Last night when the hay man came, Rich walked out and talked with him a bit [distanced of course]. Rich hasn't walked out to talk to the hay guy in two years.

Daryl remarked how wonderful it was to see Rich engaged and even more impressive was that he just got in the skid steer and unloaded the hay with no apparent effort.

Since 2017 he has struggled with everything.

Life may suck out there beyond the borders of our farm but I get to see a different kind of hope.

I get to see my husband again. 

February thaw and?

What a difference a day makes!

and...
Sunday...

I know, slightly different views, but there you are!

and then...

I didn't go very far yesterday, my knee is troubling me. I know I probably shouldn't have done the 22 WOD on Saturday, but it was for a good cause and it was a lot of fun. We had a great turn out at the gym.
I have a bruise of the patella and it makes certain hiking movements a bit difficult in deep snow and ice.
I don't think it is more than that, but we'll see.

Charlie was a champ and hung around close by while I did some long exposure photography.

Friday was another day spent at an ER, but at least we had some more answers than last Friday.
MDD or Major Depression Disorder are the initials of the month. MDD can manifest itself in so many ways.
However we may have come up with another temporary and mild 'fix' for a while.
I must say that the VA nurses and doctors are much more understanding of a veteran who has mental health issues as well as physical issues. Our local ER and doctors are not quite as well versed in this area. Rich's psych doctor was also on hand.

That said, I am spending more time inside right now just doing my monitoring 'thing' for Dr. Schiffman. And I can say there is a slight improvement.

So this is my favorite shot from yesterday. Mossy rocks kissed by a bit of sunlight ... with a little bit of ice on the moss that had not yet melted.