CareGiver

 

"A hug is always the right size." ~~ Winnie the Pooh

I was asked by a VA Social Worker how CareGiving changed my life. I didn't get philosophical like I could have IF I'd had time to think about it.
So I answered honestly.

It isn't how I saw myself spending my time as I aged. Pre Caregiving was a life full of trips and adventures with a lot of camping and riding mules. I worked a pretty good job that drove me nuts with the odd hours I worked.

I became a CareGiver because it was the only way hubby could come back home. That was 5 years ago. It just felt right. I couldn't leave him 14 hrs a day on his own after nearly losing him twice  in the early morning hours. 

The Social worker asked if I had experience in this. I chuckled and said that it was on the job experience. She smiled and said most folks who have raised children have extensive experience. 

I agree. I was a mom, but being a caring person for a once able person is much more different than caring for a child. At least I could send my kids to their rooms or ground them for misbehaving. 

I looked up quotes and inspirational 'stuff' on the internet. All of them sing wonderful praises about being a Caregiver. How enlightening it is, how courageous it is, how fulfilling it is.

No one quotes or discusses the arguments that cannot be won. The discussions that go no where. The memories that are flawed yet have to be glossed over in order to keep the peace. 

CareGiving did change our lives. In a sweet way, it has allowed us to stay together. In a hard way because of his frailty it has isolated us socially. You can draw your own conclusions regarding that. 

Caregiving pushed me to be an Advocate and a mom to my husband. Yet we still find those magical little moments where both of us forget all the medical issues and frailties. We laugh and make like we are going to beat each other up with slippers. There is a spark in his eye and laughter.

A hug goes a long long way. 

Compassion and empathy is not in everyone's make up. I'm not special.

To Quote Winnie the Pooh [my hero]:

"Some people care too much. I think it's called love." ~ Winnie the Pooh

Plan B

My neighbor and friend Bill planned on working out at the Wellness Center this morning. He was not aware that they had closed the gym with no plans at this time of reopening....well, until I texted him early this morning.

He just texted back:
He said "I need to go to plan B. Wait, I don't have a plan B."
I texted him back and said, "Home workouts, raking, bicycle, light jogging, fresh air, creative ways to do upper body weights..."

Next text: Can we do a really hard hike this week?
My answer: Sure. I have a 3 mile killer hike. We can start at my driveway and it will take us through two valleys.

I'll be looking up workouts to keep up my current upper body strength.

Next text from Bill: Will I get hurt on your hard hike?
My answer: Of course not! Hard in the way that there are two valleys and lots of steep hills but the trails are good and I've taken kids on them.

I thought that was funny sort of. If he wanted a hard fast hike, I'd give it to him for the leg burn.

There is plenty of space for us to hike and stay separate. However that may come to a swift end soon if positives are found in the county.

But anyway.

Plan B for exercise? Well I am still working on Plan A for staying home.
I have one more errand tomorrow and that is to pick up the taxes.
I dropped into Walmart [eeks !] to grab some coffee.
I needed some seeds also.
The garden and hardware sections were void of people. The food isles were full of people. NO toilet paper, no napkins, no paper towels, and two boxes of Kleenex were left.

I told Rich we were going to go back to cloth for napkins and wiping up messes.

I'm all done in for right now. The Patient Advocate for the VA says she is getting the run around on the claim I've been trying to work on for 18 months. She told me to call the White House Hot Line. Um. Okay?

Bam.
The oncologist we were going to see tomorrow called. He asked to be on speaker phone so he could talk with the both of us.
[I moved that appointment assuming it was just a 15 minute consult and congrats on being clean for almost 5 years]


Um. No. He wanted a Nuclear Medicine Bone Scan. Rich's CT scan from last month showed 'something' a bit out of the ordinary. Then he mentioned the C word and my heart stopped. He went on to downplay it but to tell us he was scheduling a scan as soon as he could.
He said not to be concerned over this, it was probably nothing, but if it was cancer it might just be prostrate or bone or...well, when we saw the Urologist we could be better informed for .... options.

[Did he say that? I don't know, somehow my brain sort of had a disconnect when he said cancer.]
I thought NO.
No...no no.

He then assured us that this was normal operating procedure and he'd put the consult in right away for the bone scan.
He hung up after wishing us a nice day.
Hey, this guy is nice...but hmm.

Rich was unconcerned. He shrugged and then patted my hand and told me not to worry. He smiled and said "But of course you will! YOU won't sleep for weeks now!"

He turned back to his Western and pushed play.

Plan A & B had just changed.


Hey. Why not address Pandemics and Cancer all in the same day, right?

We will see what happens.

I need a Plan C.

Dynamite

Also known as Dyna, or Dina.

Dyna came to us in June of 2009 after her owner passed away from her last fight with cancer. 
Dyna came from the state of Washington, near Palouse.

She was a very welcome addition to our place. We'd promised her owner that Dyna, the sometimes cantankerous mule, who was just as stubborn as my husband would have a home forever and never be sold.

We kept that promise. Dynamite lived mostly a life of leisure. Rich would work with her occasionally and the two of them would come to an understanding in the round pen and her manners would always be better.

She learned to love coming to get caught, she stood perfect for the farrier, she loved being curried and fussed over. 

She loved racing with the other gals on the farm and was always an instigator.

She fancied herself as Lead Mare and often challenged Peaches who was our Alpha Mare for many years.

These challenges always were more bluff than anything else, but they were fun to watch.

She always though ended up with Rich. Quiet and docile. As I said, the two were made for each other.

In March of 2015 Rich was diagnosed with throat cancer and we began treatment in April.

In June we noticed an odd growth on Dynah's ear. I cleaned it as best I could and then put her in a paddock to keep an eye on it.

In the end she was diagnosed with sarcoid tumors and more than likely cancer. 
Treatment for both items was beyond our rural veterinarians. We would have had to apply to transport her to the Madison Veterinary School and await their decision. 
Treatment in Madison would have also been beyond our financial means.

We watched and waited. Dynah became miserable and started to lose weight. 

There comes a point when you cannot let an animal suffer any longer. 

Dynamite aka Dyna crossed the Rainbow Bridge on September 15th.
I know that her master was awaiting her on the other side. They are probably racing across green meadows.

I wonder if Dyna ran into Peaches and her old pasture-mate Feather from Washington?

In the end. Dynamite was loved and touched so many hearts from Washington to the Midwest. She never was sold or put on auction and was given a life of leisure until it was time to go.

I always loved trying to explain her full name to people. 
"That's Dyna."
"Oh Dinah?"
"Oh no, Dyna is short for Dynamite. You figure it out!"

Friends in all places

I'd lamented while at work that I needed small square bales of hay and that my schedule of driving to MAD City and back wasn't going to allow me to get the hay I needed.

I purchase small bales from one co-worker.  Another offered to take HIS truck over to the other co-worker's place and deliver hay.
If I could arrange it, that is.
I called the Hay Man and he said "Oh no, let me bring it to your place!" 

The second co-worker mentioned that he would like to help me in any way...could he come out and help me move animals to the summer pasture?

Was there some electrical fencing that needed done?  Indeed there is.

When we got home from MAD City yesterday a fresh load of hay was being stacked in my shed.  I helped by tossing the rest of the bales off the truck.

When we tried to pay extra for the delivery, Hay Man waved it off.  Then hubby pulled out a 10 spot and shoved it in Hay Man's hands.

"Please," he said, "Treat your son to Dairy Queen on me if you won't take money for delivery."

Hay Man nodded and his young son agreed ... DQ would be their next stop.

My belief in good people in rural areas is boundless.

I have one Farm Lady who offered to help chore if we got stuck in Madison overnight.

She would come with her niece and take care of watering and checking on critters.

An Investigator from the Local Law Enforcement Agency asked if he could help in any way.  Offered to help with anything.
Another Investigator that we worked with last summer, said that if we notified him of when we would be out of town, he would put our place AND
Mules on the 'Property Watch List'.

That means a deputy will come and make sure things look good and the house has not been broken into while we are absent.

Small acts of kindness to our neighbors over the years seems to be coming back 'at us'.

I feel quite ... I don't know.  Blessed?  Honored?

People are good.

It is well appreciated in The Long Road.

Tomorrow is another day.

The C word has come to our house

On March 13th, Friday the 13th...

And who really believes in that bad luck stuff anyway?...

My husband was diagnosed with Throat Cancer.

His Ear/Nose/Throat Doctor confirmed the pathology report on Monday and gave it a name.

We will find out more after a PET scan and a meeting with the oncologist and those doctors who will be guiding us through this.

I will probably create another side-blog for following this and I'll let my readers know where that is.

For the moment our life seems on a perpetual hold until we 'know' more. Whatever that means.

Our days are up and down of course.  Because after all no one ever expects it to happen to them.