An Office Visit

I had another visit with the Endocrinologist. Actually, it was a good visit as far as doctor office visits go. I am beginning to think that health providers in my part of WI are exceptional in attitude and demeanor.

The nurse 'Jackie' put me at ease when she took my weight and brought up my chart. When she took my blood pressure ---> it was low normal. This is NOT what generally happens in any office visit. She commented that White Coat Syndrome exists but at the same time doctors sort of poo-poo it. 

Dr. Bone Doctor insisted I call her Emily. See? She wasn't so high and mighty and full of bluster at all. She and I talked about my tests which well, were much the same as they were 2 years ago. I know I've said I wouldn't try anything after reading all about these medication side effects. One of the subjects of discussion was in particular my lumbar spinal column. 

Decisions, decisions. However, I am going to give medications one more chance. One of the biggest challenges to taking medications is Fear of potential side effects. Hey, I am one of those for sure. You can read about horrid side effects and even know those who suffered from it. But...IF I can improve the loss of bone around my spinal cord with meds? I am willing to try.

Other reasons for not taking or resisting meds: 
Cost
[Yikes, this could be a whole article in itself]

Misunderstanding
[I understand how it works and what it is supposed to do]

Too many meds
[not me, this would be the only med I take compared to the 14 ones that hubby takes]

Lack of symptoms 
[I have absolutely NO symptoms. I do have back pain, but other than that? Nothing]

Mistrust 
[This is huge. Big Pharma -- only out to make a buck!]

Worry 
[Thoughts like --> I will NOT take this for the rest of my life!]

Depression 
[Hey, it is depressing to think after all my life that I may have to take something!]

Emily and I went over my concerns and we set up a plan of action. See? She and those I've dealt with in my town aren't boorish at all. They communicate with their patients.

I am going to try a med called Boniva. It works by slowing bone loss. Now, I've tried two kinds of versions of this before. But I'm willing to try once more. There is another med that is supposed to help build up bone but it takes a 6 month commitment to a shot [it could be a life time medication]. Boniva is a once a month pill form med.

I've read the horror stories.

When I left the pharmacy and got home, I'd worked myself into a tizzy. I was angry that I'd committed to trying it, fearful, anxious, and pissed at my body that had betrayed me, and in a word? I was in a Stress Rage.

I told hubby that I needed to go into a quiet room and cover my eyes and be left alone. I actually said something like: I need to go in a dark cage and have a sign on the door that says: SHE WILL BITE!

How dare my lumbar region be so fragile? I couldn't feel it, but I could see it on the Bone Density Scan. How Dare It? 

Emily told me to keep up my regular routine as I am 'fit and relatively strong'. However, I want to try and help myself and avoid compression fractures in the lower spine. That could end my ability to walk. Period.

Period...

This is the motivator for me to keep trying to improve things.

My husband says I need to stop having negative thoughts regarding trying a medication. You know what? He is right. A doctor's visit set me off in a negative way even though it was a rather pleasant encounter.

Conclusion so far. I've stayed active and strong which has helped keep me from injuries so far. I'm over my Rage at my body and now have settled into a mode of Let's see how I can help myself.

Thoughts while hiking

As I hiked the various trails on Wednesday ... and while getting a thoroughly soaked Butt, I kept thinking about the past year.

Last September my doctor had told me that I had Severe Osteoporosis. She cautioned me against going anywhere by myself [in case I fell and broke apart, I guess]. She cautioned me against riding. Again, I could easily fall apart, right?

Last Fall was spent mulling over being thought of as Fragile. Caution, Do Not Drop, This Side Up... 

Suddenly walking in the woods was dangerous and scary. I wanted to tip toe. I was waiting for the bones to just start falling out of my body.

I looked in the mirror ... and thought about bones.... bones...

Was I doomed? What next? Were my fingers going to fall off? 
I had nightmares about having to sweep up bones that fell off me. I'd wake up while the Dream Me was trying to put my bones back in place. What was the best glue to put bones back?

I was assigned some medications. One for depression and one for bones. 

The first bone meds caused severe pain after two months of taking them. My fingers normally hurt as they have arthritis. But not even being able to hold a book to read was the last straw.

The second kind of meds caused me not to be able to even walk without pain.

The doctors kept offering medications and I needed to feel better. 

I hadn't been going to the gym for several reasons. One close contact with colds -- to protect Rich -- and two? I was sure that my bones would just collapse if I went.

I arranged to do mobility classes and then some 'bone strengthening' classes. What was the worse thing that could happen? The coaches would have to pick up my bones if they fell out at the gym, right?

Anyway, here I was hiking at the speed of Light, just crushing it as they say at the gym. I was reaching a goal that I'd set for myself last January and I was doing it for Me. Just Me. I was proving to myself that I am not Fragile or made of Glass.

In fact, I felt so great that I even trotted or jogged parts of the trail. I don't know, it just happened. I felt great.

I felt like I was smashing World Records [Oh Val--don't be an idiot--you were just having fun!]

I felt pure joy and happiness.

In one year I'd gone from feeling hopeless to feeling I could conquer the world. Mother Nature played a big role in that as well as the support I've had from my friends, family, and my coaches.

I don't know if I have reversed any of the damage or if that is even possible. I do know that I feel good and I am enjoying hikes again. Mentally and physically I feel so much better than I did a year ago.

In my book, that is a plus.

Oh yes. I've been riding my mules... a lot. And guess what? My bones have not fallen out of me yet!

Charlie Bones Decisions

Meanwhile, Charlie had his tooth surgery and came home. I worried like a ninny of course. He was groggy last night but ate his kibbles and cuddled on the couch with me until I feel asleep there.

Tuesday I busied my day working on garden projects. I'm kind of a go ahead and do it person. I imagine how things will look and then go for it and change things on the fly.

The BS Pile

Moving stuff 
trying to be smarter about that...

I planted 3 tomato plants and a few piles of flower seeds along with spices in a few slates of the pallets. 

The one section of the pallets is going to have Birds/Bees/Butterfly attracting plants I can pick up at the garden center.

I told hubby that I was taking that rough section of the yard and going to chop it up with a potato fork and a spade to plant a packet of wildflower seeds and sunflowers. It may be a total flop, but then again, it might look neat.

Third day without the Forteo aka: The Teriparatide injection ~~ I feel like my normal crazy self. I have the normal aches and pains and felt well enough to work on my funky garden yesterday. 

This morning? Almost NO leg/bone pain!

Apparently there could be alternatives still. One being an Estrogen type shot that is like a last resort?

For today, I'm going to enjoy the rain. I'll use the time to catch up on indoor projects. 

Maybe after my VA Caregiver class, I'll take a nap!

The Bone Doctor's nurse called and she wants me to go back to the first medicine. 🤯

...or try another one which is an injection that lasts for 6 months.

Those suggestions just broke me. I went outside in the rain and just started to cry 😭.

Never do I want to go through the pain I have had off and on for the last few months as side effects of medicine.

😱

Huh. Whut? 6 months of possible agony? Once you get the shot, you cannot undo it. Right?

My questions will be this. Lower doses of any meds? Every other day or short rests between doses?

Or. 

Since I have never had a fracture of any kind other than a little toe when I was 10 years old....

🤔🤷

Why not let me do the proper exercises and a great diet for the next several months and re-evaluate??? Rescan and see if I am losing more ground? 

My understanding is these meds are indicated when fractures show up [or a terrible score for BMD in my case]. This bone crap didn't happen overnight and I have crashed into rocks, fallen on ice, and done a ton of things. Nobody had to put this Humpty Dumpty back together as of yet.

So what could be wrong with that? My dang body right?

Yes, an ounce of prevention is a good thing. But?

I love Winter

 

Someone told me I was lying to myself when I said I loved winter the most. Chuckle Chuckle.

I love every season of course. Winter always provides me with so much to see. 

Granted. In the spring and fall, I can walk the woods and not be so bothered by insects. Summer brings its own delights which include much longer days and some un-delights of heat and humidity.

I love flowers which only bloom in my garden from Spring to Fall. But Winter provides me with time on my hands to explore the shapes of trees. Time to watch ice falls develop on a rock and moss sandstone wall.

I am afforded the ability to admire the frost that develops on the rocks in a large spring.

I can hike through the valley and bask in warm sunshine in one spot and be in chilled in the shadows and cold breezes in another.

I can be amazed over and over by an old oak tree's shape against the snow or how it casts shadows over the stream.

I can see how the natural order of things progress. I can find deer beds, coyote dens, 'possum trails, and raccoon tracks. I see how nature cleans up after a death. Who strips those bones clean like that? Not coyotes. But the Titmouse, the Bluejay, and Woodpeckers! 

Death in the valley provides a little something for everyone except the unfortunate whitetail perhaps.

The mice will find important minerals in this buck's antlers that will help them. They find calcium, phosphorous, and minerals that may be lacking in their diet in the antlers of some deer and their bones.

This huge spring provides warm water for scuds and caddisfly larvae to survive cold spells.

The spring comes out of the hillside.

It joins the creek as it flows down hill.

View looking towards the south.

No matter how cold it gets, I've never seen this spring freeze over. The water is about 45 F all year. During a very deep freeze, all the moss covered rocks get covered in a beautiful frost.

The first signs of spring arrive here on near this spring. Skunk Cabbage!

Winter provides me with more challenges to find interesting photographs. There is the snow to deal with which throws off the camera meter. There is the cold to deal with. The cold will drain batteries swiftly. Moving cameras from cold to warm can damage them if precautions aren't taken. 
Dressing appropriately can also be an issue. After years of trial and error, I am coming to a happy medium.

This hike last week involved a small backpack with a thermos of hot chocolate, hand warmer packets, fresh mittens in case mine got wet, my pistol, and camera batteries in my inner pockets. 

The thermometer hanging off my camera strap read -9 F at the spring.

My feet got cold while I explored the Big Spring. But I knew that a hard and fast walk with my snowshoes on would warm my feet up.

Eventually I made it to our ridge trail and headed up out of the valley.

That is my shadow and if you look closely, you might even see the shadow of a Teddy Bear face in my backpack.

Silly, I know, but Bear doesn't mind the cold.

By the time I got home, I was damp with sweat. 

And that

is 

some of the

reasons

I like  love winter.

Chasing Fungi, Lichen, and Dreams

 

This is the spot where I turned around and headed back alongside the creek. 

I found this old fungi carcass ... is that even a proper way to say it? Dried out black old fungi. I thought it would make a good Trick or Treat surprise to gross someone out. 

The hike back along the creek was much easier than going up and over. The lichen on the rock faces always stop me in my tracks. 

 The colors range from pink to green to an aqua color. I have no idea what all of the lichen are called.

In a few spots there were tiny ferns growing. 

When the leaves fall and the colors leave the forest, I turn my eyes to the tiny things such as moss and lichen. 

I will transition from chasing fungi and mushrooms to chasing moss and lichen. [And Ice Caves!]

The beavers of Weister Creek  rebuilt their new home near the rock bluffs until the next flash flood moves them again.

Their work is a sample of ingenious engineering. I didn't get a photo of it as I was sort of hurrying back to the car.

When I climbed over the section of where the beaver dam used to be, I took a detour to see if I could glance down at one of the ice caves.

I got sidetracked by Woodland Russulas...I think:

They were everywhere! I could smell mushrooms in the air.

These coral fungi were hiding. The tiny Rabbit is 1/2 inch tall for some perspective.

I stopped here and sat in the pine needles. I could hear an occasional vehicle out on County P and I could hear waterfowl coming in for a landing below me on a large bend of the creek.

I didn't want to leave. 
I just didn't.

May...be, if I just melted down into the pine needles. I could just become part of the forest. I was sure if I shut my eyes and opened them very carefully, I'd see gnomes an fairies peeking from behind the trunks of trees.

My camera could capture photos of the adventure but not the essence. The smell of mushrooms, pine, and leaves...what sweeter smells could there be?

When I got home I was excited, tired, and relaxed. My mind was still in the forest.

The phone rang and it was my doctor. She affirmed what I'd seen in the test results. Her concern was rather urgent and she ordered more tests for Friday morning.

I don't like the 'unknown' I'm a person who likes to have all of my facts up front so I can look at them and deal with them. I like a plan, I like order, and I dislike chaos. But the human body is chaos.

A bone density test rates your bone mineral loss and the brittle factor so to speak.  It is to assess risk factors going forward. So since I am a very small person, it was no surprise that I was rated with mild osteoporosis  in one hip and a bit worse in the other. However the score for the Lumbar area was out of this world.  Leave it to me to be unusual. You know I strive to be 'different'.

Well huh. I guess that means I need to come up with a plan after the new test results come in. I feel better when I think I have a plan for things. And I do realize that I am not always in 'control' of my world. I would love to think I could be!

I am going back to the forest to Dream...

The Bone Collector

I have to admit, I like bones. I like wandering the deer trails in the spring to find sheds. It is a handy excuse to just get out and enjoy the hills and valleys before spring rushes in. 

Once it greens up most of the forest is nearly impassable with undergrowth. At one time these woods were pasture for beef cattle. The cattle kept the forest 'clean' and it was like wandering through a park. Now it is wild. Fifteen years after the cattle were sold, the place is has become the Wild Forest.

I decided Sunday morning to take a 'quick' trip down to the east end of the valley to see if I could find some Skunk Cabbage and perhaps find a Marsh Marigold. After 30 years of wandering this valley, I've got a fairly good idea of when these first flowers of spring appear.

I headed out to the point and then followed a deer trail that twisted down the hillside to the creek. I'd been out 'shed' hunting the day before and found only a small skull of a nubbin' buck.

Bonus! Right there! 

I picked it up and tied it to my back pack.

I was in a hurry to get to the Spring but paused when I saw a pattern on the north bank. Mosses and Lichen are my new interests, so I grabbed my cell phone and took these shots. I checked the landmarks so I could stop by on my way back and try a better photo.

I love the name of this moss. Common Liverwort. Um, or a Hornwort? Goodness, it is hard to tell!

Sort of makes me want to make up names for it. I want to call them Hogworts!

There is a little teeny tiny one I want to find called an Earwort. But I may need to start carrying a magnifying glass!

Even cooler? 

Snakeskin Liverwort.

Yes I looked up the proper name, but I thought this common name was more descriptive.

It grows next to the spring with other moss.

And I think it could be the same type of moss that I took the photos above with.

[If you click on the picture, you can see it larger]

Then this little beauty. Scarlet Elf Cup Fungi in moss...

And then I saw a glimmer of purple.

After a bit more looking around, I found them in various stages of growth.

                               

This all in the area of the Big Spring.

By the end of next week, the spring should have a few dozen flowers opening.

I decided to head back and take the deer trail around the north facing hillside where I'd found the antler and then cut across the meadow towards home.

My weekend haul was one nice set of antler sheds. I found 3 skulls. 

And what on earth do I do with these?

I clean them up.

March ~ Hello!

 

Welcome March. The Mud Month. The ugly brown month.
The opposite of November Ugly month.

Already tired of the colors of brown mud and now dirty snow, I decided to brighten up the one part of the house I can change up often. Don't laugh too hard. The above is what I had designed and ordered for a shower curtain and squishy bath mat.

I'd made a photo of a stream years ago into a shower curtain that was really quite expensive to do. I decided afterwards to just purchase ones on line. I have a winter one, a fall one, and my stream one. I wanted something bright and cheery to walk by. 

These are May photos from last year. The rug is from my east garden while the bleeding hearts were blossoming. The wild geranium is on the edge of the summer pasture. I went out on a dewy spring morning with low fog and found this beauty.

My house is so tiny that this is like a huge artistic pallet. You can see this from the porch door. Don't laugh, we DO close the door when using the bathroom. But I do like it. Very cheery. 

I was very surprised at the quality. I ordered it through Walmart and it came in 5 days!

On another note. The first day of March was bone chilling cold. It never got above freezing and I should have worn YakTraks or snowshoes to hike the valley in. Thank goodness I had on my Muck Boots. I walked right in the creek and enjoyed seeing the last of the icicles hanging off from branches just above the creek.

Mr. Charlie was having an easy time of it. He walked right across the crusted snow. I was wishing I was Charlie.

We found the deer that we'd seen a month ago. The birds and other members of the clean up crew had left just bones. Nature has a way of cleaning up after herself.

I made it to the 'campground' as it was once dubbed. The Peterson family used to all camp out in this area along with the mix of cattle that ran the land. They generally all camped during the summer holidays, Memorial Day, Fourth of July, and Labor Day. Kids ran around and swam in the creek. Fireworks were set off and they had great cookouts and parties. 

They've all grown up and no one comes anymore except the 4 wheelers and the UTV's.

There I am on one of the banks watching Charlie.
I called and we headed home carefully. It took me twice as long to get home than normal. Stupid me for not wearing the proper foot gear!

Imagine trying to follow all of my previous boot prints. This week's high temps will melt the rest of the snow. It should be an interesting week to watch the changes in the valley.

As the snow melts, moss, lichen, and bones will show up. I smile in anticipation.

Dang it All to ...

Well dang it all to heck and back.

I'm not going to really whine about this too much. Hmmm. Maybe I will. It seems that osteoarthritis has crept into my life. Well at least into my hands.
I of course figured that it wouldn't happen to me.

Stupid me. I sort of knew it would. My Grandmother Pearl had twisted gnarly hands and she barely whispered a word about it. I'd see her gardening, crocheting, sewing, and doing all those normal things with her beat up hands. At the time I admired those well worn hands and said something to her about it.
In all her infinite wisdom that I never learned...she replied, "Oh I don't think you want these hands. Some days they don't do so well."
She said this as she was artfully cleaning a fish with quick skilled movements.

My mom began to suffer the same fate as did her sisters. Arthritis crept up on their hands deforming them and sometimes twisting the joints.

Over the past year or so, my hands began to ache a lot. Certain movements hurt. Grasping things was painful. My left thumb continued to hurt making grasping door knobs a real chore. In fact when we remodeled, I had handles put on the door that I could just push down on.

Opening a jar can be tricky. Using an old fashioned can opener can be a trying feat. Over the winter my hands became worse. I developed Herberden's Nodes on the ends of my fingers. As those nodes develop, the pain is quite intense. I recall my father showing me the tips of his fingers and telling me that once the bump was formed, it stopped hurting, so it wasn't so terribly bad.
Oh, he was not kidding!

So this summer those wonderful little nodes pretty much quit hurting and I was able to get along except for the thumb issue. Sometimes at night, I'd fall asleep with a cold pack wrapped around the left hand. It numbed things enough so I could sleep.
Peeling apples for apple crisp last month made the pain nearly unbearable. So I decided to see how I could process apples without causing myself a lot of pain. Easier to make jelly, juice, and apple sauce than to peel apples.
Plus I got a food mill which helped tremendously.

Brushing the mules out for riding was even a bit difficult, but I decided worth the pain.

I sort of knew what may be going on with the hands. Goodness knows I've seen it in my grandmother, my mom, and my dad. However my fingers are not being deformed much.

So when my doctor and I looked over the hand X-ray results, I was sort of surprised. There it was osteoarthritis in both hands. No fingers were left unscathed.
The left thumb showed degenerative joint 'disease'. Oh. Ick.
Mostly it means that the hands will slowly get a bit worse as I get older.

Now dammit, how did I get older? In my mind I am about 30! I look in the mirror and see that older person looking back at me. She disappears when I take my glasses off. She looks much younger after I take a shower and peer at her in a fogged up mirror.

My doctor recommended that I see Occupational Therapy for exercises to strengthen my left hand and to see how they could suggest non drug like therapies to lessen the aches and pains. I am all for that. Our local clinic has an excellent PT/OT department and they have helped me quite a bit in the past.

How am I going to 'deal' with this? Well, now that I have a name and a cause for the pain, I will not quit doing things or baby my hands. The pain is not indicative of something that will harm me.
It is simply wear and tear. I need to work out how to do some things smarter and need to be aware of the "Use it or Lose it" theory. If I stop doing things with my hands, or I stop being active ... I will be in more pain and more health problems will arise.
If the body stops moving, it will destroy itself.

My doctor said that if the thumb issue got too bad she would send me to a hand specialist to explore injections [eeks!] and perhaps surgery [eek gads! NO!]. She said she had a patient who went through the surgical procedure and the recovery and PT time took about 6 months. No thank you!

This is not earth shattering but it will include some minor changes for me.

Yes, I think my father was correct. Aging is not for sissies.

Bones Bones Bones & Pine Cones

My morning started out just beautifully. The sunrise was amazing. However because I was feeling rather lazy I had coffee and watched the sky turn colors.

If I'd been really full of 'gumption' as my Grandma would have said, I'd have gone to the ridge to do a proper sunrise. It was 25 degrees out and hot coffee sure sounded like the better option.

My neighbor brought down her two youngest children to get some adult conversation after I'd done chores. I was raking the yard and picking up 'sticks'. Her kids helped a bit until they decided that looking for birds nests and collecting pine cones were more interesting.
Logan called them acorns. Allie tried to pile pine cones in a Robin's Nest she'd found from last year.

We talked and dumped some sticks into a pile and then decided to walk in the *Merry Meadow* [the summer pasture for the gals]. Logan left his ice cream bucket full of acorn-pine cones near the exit gate. Allie set down her nest with her pine cones.

We got near the spot I call 'the island'. Years ago it was an island of trees and a hollowed out shape like a bowl in the middle. Now it is mostly downed trees and brush that my husband has stacked with the skid steer.

Allie let out a howl of delight when she climbed the brush pile.
She spotted bones in the bottom of the bowl. Over the pile she went and down into the bowl. Years ago cattle used to graze here and I know that there was a horse buried there too.
Allie climbed back out with her arms full of ... bones.
Her sheer joy at finding pine cones and bones reminded me of how excited kids got over hunting for Easter Eggs.
I am guessing that pine cones and bones are much cooler.

Logan watched while sitting on a pile of sticks. Logan loves sticks and was carefully checking them out. I imagine he was looking to see if he could find the right one to carry and whack things with.

With the bucket of acorn-pine cones, the bird nest, and the bones, we headed back out of the pasture and towards the driveway where we parted company.

I finished what I was doing in the yard and put the rakes away.
My afternoon hike was to go back into the valley I'd visited last week and see if I could find that deer skull that had been frozen into the mud and dirt.

I wanted to see if I could find the trout again and take a decent shot of them.

Off I went with a shovel, my camera backpack, a bottle of water, and some determination.
I found this last week frozen in the mud and I thought it would be a good day to take a shovel back and see what was under the mud.

I walked fast and warmed up quickly even though there was a cool Northwest breeze. Once I headed back into the valley, I was out of the winds.

I was fairly surprised that the ice cave still had a nice formation. I could hear the water slowly seeping down under and over the ice.
I wished I had extra time to climb down and explore.

But I was on a mission of sorts.
And I wanted to see if the little cluster of trout were still in the place I saw them in last week.

They were and I had to sit quite still for a long time to get a shot of them.

I located the deer skull and antler. With my little shovel I carefully dug around the head.

Imagine my huge surprise when I discovered that there was a whole skeleton beneath the mud.

This Buck had been a monster. He was a 10 point buck with and 18" spread. This would have been a trophy for most hunters.
And I figured that he died in this valley during the wicked flash flood we had in September than covered this valley floor with waters rushing over 5 feet tall across the whole valley.

I sat down and brushed some dirt away from his bones, and then brushed the dirt and mud back onto them.

I created a sling out of twine and slung him over my shoulder.
It'll go into my collection of incredible 'found' skulls and things and may end up getting beautifully painted and displayed.

Nature is art and you can find that in bones, acorns, and pine cones.

Allie brought me this piece of art last night. She painted it and we placed it on my porch table.

Here is another piece of my bone artwork.

My son painted the stick for me when he was 10 years old. See? Even sticks can be art!