Catching up.

So a lot of this is 'news' that isn't worth news to some folks. 

Sunshine is doing well at Kristi's place. In April she will be 29 years old. She is showing her age in her face but not her attitude and willingness to go riding.

Kristi has given her a new pasture mate named Willow. Another mare and Sunshine is really quite happy with that.

Her gelding Cash, seems to be losing weight so she has moved him into an area where she can grain him and help him maintain a healthy condition.

We have finally figured out what is going on with Siera. Her weight and the great pasture I had was not kind to her.

I did some more researching about pastures and removed them from the back meadow. It is lush and has quite a bit of white clover in it. The high sugar content is not good for her. In years past, that back meadow has been grazed to the ground with 4 or 5 mules so it wasn't so lush and dangerous.

This morning I walked around and set up a plan to try and deal with Siera's weight [I know, I dropped the ball on this issue because she had been going through periods where she seemed 'cured'.]

Tomorrow I am making Sundance and Siera a smaller lot in this shady area. I can keep them there until Winter and they can be joined by Sunshine this late fall. It will be a dry 'lot' where I can monitor exactly what they eat and their condition.

Old photo from 5 years ago.

This morning.
What a difference a wet summer makes when you have only 2 grazers instead

of 5.

This area is on my list for a clean up project for next year. It won't take much but it will take machinery I don't have to clean up the fallen trees not pictured here from last August's windstorms.

Sundance is the youngest mule. She has been off and on slightly gimpy for quite a while now.  She has been diagnosed with ringbone in her right front. Otherwise she is perfectly healthy and full of herself. Ringbone is a form of arthritis. Treatment can include joint injections, special shoes, and special meds. She is a pasture pet and only shows slight discomfort once in a great while. 

Three older mules and an ancient pony cannot keep down our pastures so I have to consider doing something different.

The large meadow in front of the house will be brush hogged and one section will be bulldozed so I can mow it myself next year. The other half will be used as a winter pasture since it offers protection from the winds.

Photo from last year. Winter Pasture.

I'll keep mowing the back meadow because the dogs and I love walking there and in the winter it will make a nice area to cross country ski.

Little Richard is 35 years old and his teeth are worn out. He made it through last winter with flying colors. 

This summer he gained weight being staked out and having access to a small forested paddock. He is slowly losing weight again. I am fighting a slow motion battle that I will lose. It will pain me to possibly make a decision this fall with him.

I'm a realist. I won't keep animals that are in poor condition or in constant pain. I feel that is cruel. We set our long term plans in motion 10 years ago when Rich was no longer able to help with chores and maintenance. We kept the elder animals to give them a retirement. The young ones we had were sold. Over the years, the elder animals have crossed over. 

Charlie is recovering nicely. He has been bossing Hannah around and trying to steal her chew bones. Uffdah. I can't let him do that! He is back to ruling the household.

Hannah? She honors Charlie's space and cuddles with him when allowed to. She is also quite good at getting into trouble.

Here I ask her if she was in the shed digging under the old tractor.

Who...?
Me?

What shed?
What makes you think that?

It's August now and I'm finding it to be difficult to deal with so many decisions. It seems like that is all I have been doing for months now.

I'm even trying to plan out what I want to do once the large animals are gone. Some days I think I know what I am going to do and others?

I have no clue.

Goings On!

Well I talked to the Insurance Adjustor yesterday. Her name is Jeanine and we've had one other occasion to talk about my car about 2 years ago. A Woodchuck chewed through my transmission line on that claim!

She remembered me and that claim because it was so odd.

She asked how it happened and I explained. She wanted to know how bad was it... and could I drive it? Apparently she has handled concrete vs vehicle claims where the underside of the car has been covered and the car is a total loss!

She concurred that my poor 'Ru had to see a professional for clean up and that it is covered under Comprehensive coverage.

The estimate for this? $2,500.

I think I am the lucky one. I'd had to think how the other car that splashed me turned out.

Jeanine said if another Very Strange Auto Claim came past her desk, the first thing she would do is to see if it belonged to me. She said she still refers to the Woodchuck Attack once in a while just for laughs.

Meanwhile...

The Wild Teddy Bears decided they better check out Frank's bulldozer.

I'm glad they couldn't figure out how to run it!
 

Hey Percy, let's check this out!

Chance, you do the pedals, 
I'll do the stick things...

This is so much cooler

than that bike!
Where should we go?

The work started yesterday. Frank cleaned out all the culverts and reshaped the waterways for run off. 

He graded the area by our back door and is putting in a gravel parking area.

I spoke with Frank and let him know that my neighbor probably had a small job for him to do before he was done at my place with the dozer. 

Frank thanked me for the referral. He was pleased as my new neighbor asked Frank to also grade and gravel his driveway too.

The final cost will be pretty pricey, however the lower driveway has seen one load of gravel in 26 years. The cost of maintaining the driveway all of these years has been very minimal. I want to have the whole thing done properly and hopefully it will last a long time.

Okay, the driveway rehab is pretty boring stuff. But I feel rather accomplished. This sort of job was always referred to Rich as he was the one who always negotiated these things. There were a lot of guys I could have called for this job, but I felt that the work should go to the fellow that was maintaining my driveway through the winter too.

Chicken of the Woods, pizza, and flying things

 Our first Chicken of the Woods this year. I've seen better, but these were delicious!

September 1st. 

How lucky is this? I noticed these yellow Chicken of the Woods growing on an old oak trunk not far from the porch! 

September 2nd, 24 hours later after a rain.
The dirt on top is really wood dust from the mud daubers that are nesting in the trunk above the Fungi.

September 3rd.
It is getting bigger!

I received a text from Olive. Would we like a homemade pizza with Chicken of the Woods from the other day? She'd deliver it as a 'take and bake'.

I never turn down food that someone else makes especially those that are much better cooks than I am. After all, she went to Culinary School! She then sends me a photo of the dough she is making.

You guessed it, from scratch!

Yes! Yes!

She and Aiden delivered it and I set it in the house to bake while I walked them back to their car. Aiden wanted to pet Little Richard and ran after Sven who was tied in the yard. I told her I'd be getting the Chicken of the Woods off the big trunk the next morning before the mud daubers woke up.

I did not get a photo of the pizza because when I got back to the house, Rich was digging into it. I told him I had to bake it to melt the cheese and he shrugged and handed me what he had left.

It was delicious and something I would never imagined to make. NOT only that, it was healthy! Zucchini, plum tomatoes, homemade sauce, kale, and other veggies from her garden. I didn't tell Rich what all was in it, he would have turned his nose up at it.

September 4th.
They look ready! I cut from underneath to avoid having to deal with all the wood bits that were imbedded in the fungi. Apparently a polypore will just grow right over the wood chips or dirt and be inside the fungi.

While I was cutting them, I heard a loud buzzing noise and it sounded like a flying tractor of some sort.

An ultralight. 
Now the mules generally don't spook at the low C-130's as they fly at this level over our fields, but they were rather irritated by this BIG Mosquito.

I got a text from Olive.
'Did Dan just land in your pasture?'
Me: Nope, but the mules would have mobbed him if he did.
So it was Dan the Real-estate man that had a new toy. Well, his business must be doing well!

Olive lives on the ridge and I am jealous of her open sky view. However, I am not jealous when the winter winds blow up there and we don't have harsh winds.

This morning's end result is laid out on my porch table. 

I'll give Olive half and I will dehydrate my half.

Good neighbors are fun to have.

CareGiver

 

"A hug is always the right size." ~~ Winnie the Pooh

I was asked by a VA Social Worker how CareGiving changed my life. I didn't get philosophical like I could have IF I'd had time to think about it.
So I answered honestly.

It isn't how I saw myself spending my time as I aged. Pre Caregiving was a life full of trips and adventures with a lot of camping and riding mules. I worked a pretty good job that drove me nuts with the odd hours I worked.

I became a CareGiver because it was the only way hubby could come back home. That was 5 years ago. It just felt right. I couldn't leave him 14 hrs a day on his own after nearly losing him twice  in the early morning hours. 

The Social worker asked if I had experience in this. I chuckled and said that it was on the job experience. She smiled and said most folks who have raised children have extensive experience. 

I agree. I was a mom, but being a caring person for a once able person is much more different than caring for a child. At least I could send my kids to their rooms or ground them for misbehaving. 

I looked up quotes and inspirational 'stuff' on the internet. All of them sing wonderful praises about being a Caregiver. How enlightening it is, how courageous it is, how fulfilling it is.

No one quotes or discusses the arguments that cannot be won. The discussions that go no where. The memories that are flawed yet have to be glossed over in order to keep the peace. 

CareGiving did change our lives. In a sweet way, it has allowed us to stay together. In a hard way because of his frailty it has isolated us socially. You can draw your own conclusions regarding that. 

Caregiving pushed me to be an Advocate and a mom to my husband. Yet we still find those magical little moments where both of us forget all the medical issues and frailties. We laugh and make like we are going to beat each other up with slippers. There is a spark in his eye and laughter.

A hug goes a long long way. 

Compassion and empathy is not in everyone's make up. I'm not special.

To Quote Winnie the Pooh [my hero]:

"Some people care too much. I think it's called love." ~ Winnie the Pooh

End of February

The Forest Dragon explains to his brother that Spring is still on its way.

I'm thinking someone is still pretty Grumpy.

The Forest Dragon welcomes his new little one into the world.

I sat down by the creek Saturday afternoon and listened to the oak leaves rustle in the wind. By May the oaks should start budding and push the old leaves off the branches.
Sometimes I just wander about and look around. I stop and look at rocks. Or moss.

Or gaze at trees and let my mind float up and away. 
I listen to the breeze and the creek.

There is peace in the creek and of course nature's drama. Life goes on here and isn't bothered by Out There.

So ends February, the month of snowstorms and some very cold weather. A month that seemed to stretch on forever.

Time well spent on walks in the creek enjoying the snow and ice.

Days of amazing frost that touched the trees on the ridge.

Mornings of fog and ice.

...and learning more about Infrared [my current passion].

A LOT of time spent studying Still Life, lighting, and other avenues of photography to work on some skills. I've watched quite a few training videos for tips and ideas. I told my son last night that this seemed to be my only saving grace this winter when I couldn't get out and about.

What will March hold for us? 

Going going gone ...

 ...to the nuthouse I go.

I made this sign and placed it in the mailbox so the mail person cannot put a 'no one was home' notice inside it without pulling this dayglow sign off. I signed and dated it once more. I am expecting a package I have to sign for and if he/she refuse as usual to deliver it... I will have to wait until Tuesday to get said package. Post Office is closed on Monday.

We will see the results. I'm betting that he/she will leave a note and not come to the house. 

Anyone want to bet???

So....

I thought I'd amuse myself by trying some old editing exercises. Like turning a photo into a drawing.

Original:

Topaz Impressions:

Adobe CS2: Photo to Draw method.

I sort of like them all for different reasons. Great exercise for my brain.

Original. Tea Time:

Edited for High Key Look with a texture:

I like this version. 

I moved around the tea towel that is hanging from the clothes rack...and moved in a bit. I settled on a subtle film color adjustment after trying several. Yep, I cut the poor rabbit's ear off too. 

Well this was for experimenting and brain work.

And then since nothing I was doing excited me very much. I did this.

It sums up exactly how I felt about trying my 'still life' experiments on Saturday.

How Covid-19 changed things for us

This is probably a moot point for so many people my age. Some are retired and live on farms or in the countryside so they can isolate a bit easier than those who would be in apartments [believe me, I had been thinking a lot about downsizing just last year!].

Grocery shopping habits have changed. No longer is it the every few days run into town to get something, or on a whim decide to eat out. We didn't do that often anyway. 

Now a grocery list is a study of strategy. I make a list and rewrite it in order of the isles in the store. I start by the milk and end by the produce. We have 3 stores in our town. Walmart, Quillians, and Viroqua Food Co-op. Walmart has the best prices on many things we like. The breakfast cereals at the other two stores are up to $2 more per item. 

Viroqua Food Co-op does offer curbside pickup. Otherwise I have to drive 30 miles one way to to a curbside pick up from the LaCrosse Walmart. 45 miles one way to get Quillians pick up. So the choices are limited. 

I spent the summer doing a 'stock up' of dry goods, beans, and non perishable items.
I can call up a lady for fresh eggs and go pick them up.
I can make up an order from the Co-op and pick the foods up. It is more pricey, but the fresh produce quality is so much better than any other store.

I can call and order the mule's Senior Feed for the elder mules. They can process the order over the phone and leave the feed on the dock for me to pick up.

I find myself planning my once a month shopping as if it was a strategic battle. Do I get bulk items at Wally World at 7am? What is on my list? 

I admit that I am cooking differently. I have made home made bread. Not too bad, I can still do it.
I made home made desserts. The cookies are good as long as I stick to chocolate chip cookies. The apple crisp was not too great, not enough apples but the topping was good!
I made home made oven cooked fries. That was actually fun and not as hard as I thought.

I'm going to try some butternut squash soup this week. I have so many squash stored in the basement and I need to eat it.

But really this is just more of reaching back as to how my grandmother cooked and made things. She didn't drive and they made a trip to town in the fall and in the spring. Mom would drive us once a month to town for groceries when we stayed at the cottage in the summer.

I grew up never needing milk as we always had dried milk. [YUCK!!!] Everything was bulk. Flour, sugar, rice, powdered milk, ... 
Most everything was home made. Maple syrup and jelly for example. Meat was purchased or butchered and put in the freezer to last the winter.

Fast food was not a thing.

I recall going down into my grandmother's cellar to get something for her and commenting that she was ready for a World War. I used to privately joke about it.

Funny. She survived the first World War, she survived the 1918 pandemic, she survived the second World War and the Great Depression. She survived food and fuel rationing.
So. Not funny.

I think about that. And now I understand why my Grandparents rarely tossed things and always repurposed items. Why they were so stingy with their money. Why they wore clothes with patches and darned their socks. I understand why they thought eating at a restaurant was a HUGE thing. A show of waste and opulence.

If Grandma Pearl was alive today she would simply say 'Humph,' and carry on. If their meat got low in the freezer, there was always critters in the woods and fish in the lake.

I'm not ready to go there. 
Yet.

But I am working on taking care.

I know there are those that think this Pandemic is no big deal. I am not going to argue that with anyone. I will deal with it my way and listen to my husband's doctors who have said to treat everyone outside of our house as an Infection.

My husband is content. I am a bit stressed and bored, but need to dig deep into my Grandmother's and mom's heritage and deal with it. 
I feel we are in a fairly good place. 
I am not working 12 hr shifts at the plant and driving 60 miles per shift like I used to 3 years ago. I have to stay home. Three years ago my choice was made for me. We made a quick adjustment to living on a lot less.

Our Holidays haven't changed. When Rich's mom could no longer get around, and when Rich stopped driving...we stopped traveling to his daughter's for a get together. One year his daughter and family did come here. Enough said.

There are those who are at work keeping our food supply chain open. These are the folks I am so grateful for. 

There are the nurses and doctors that are providing the best care they can right now. To those people too, you are my heroes. 

And that is where I am going to leave it this morning. I'm going to have a cup of tea and go do chores, wander the woods, and get on with my next project of learning something new to cook or make from what I have at hand.

Be safe and well.

Conversation with a Low Rider

Charlie: Why do you call me Low Rider? 

Me: Because you have such short little legs.

Charlie: They seem fine to me. What about your long ones? Further to fall down I'd say.

Me: True, but I can walk long distances with fewer steps.

Charlie: But you can't see the little things on the ground!

Me: True. Like what?

Charlie: Like spiders. I like to watch spiders in the grass. I like to grab them. Moths too.

Me: So that is what you are doing when your nose is to the ground?

Charlie: Of course. Grasshoppers are interesting but taste prickly. Spiders, I don't like their taste either, but they are fun to watch. The ones with the very long legs.

Me: So if I am bug hunting...

Charlie: You should follow me...

Me: But I'd have to stop every few minutes...

Charlie: You need to chill out and learn from your dogs. Relax, don't sweat the Big Stuff.

Me: I guess. But..

Charlie: Like naps. And deer poop.

Me: Naps okay. Deer poo, no.

Charlie: You have NO taste! 

Me: What about you begging for steak when we have it?

Charlie: Oh that. Well. Let's get moving. Walkie...let's take a nap when we get back.

And we did.

Back to ... the new normal

I'm not even quite sure what a new normal is. Maybe it is just silence, no schedule, and farm life. The difference is I have no schedule like I had before. 5 days a week I planned things around going to the gym and the store and Rich's VA appointments which included PT. 

Now I plan less trips into the public and it feels like I have no place to be...and that I belong no...where.

We do have an appointment at the VA next week which will be a long drive. Labs, ENT, and Oncology. 

I am also going to pop up to Mental Health and ask why Rich hasn't had a new doctor assigned to him since Dr. Schiffman had retired. I hate getting a 'new' doctor but I think 6 months is an awful long time without having a mental health checkup for Rich. Maybe I am poking the bear, but we are getting into that time of the year when things get tough for Rich.

--------------------------------------

That said, I am still doing CrossFit at home. It is the one regular challenge per day that I can look forward to on my own. Yesterday's work out was actually pretty fun for me. It was Box Jumps and modified Handstand Pushups. Since I cannot do a Handstand Push up, I do a much lower one. 

When I started CrossFit I could barely do a push-up at all because my shoulders and arms were so weak. Box Jumps were a bit beyond me. I went with a small box and did mostly step ups. 
It will be two years in October. All this movement has helped my arthritis significantly as well as blood pressure and mental well being. 
Staying mobile is a big deal for me. I'll be 65 next year and I want to continue to stay mobile as long as nothing strikes me down. 
Anyway, that is my goal.

Every once in a while my coach asks for a photo of what I am doing or using for a specific movement. So I usually set a camera on a timer and put together a small collage.

Box Jumps and Elevated Push ups

Burpees with Charlie

Sumo Lift

and Wall Balls

Modified Pull ups with a rope

Front Squat 

Back Squat

with car axle

My daily routine this month has circled all around canning tomatoes, freezing sauces and finishing up the garden goodies.

September has rushed right on in along with very cold weather! It is 42 degrees out there this morning. We may have to turn the heat on today. I'm hoping arrange things so I can take a few longer hikes this month as the colors begin to change in the leaves.

The hay is ordered and will be delivered, the garden is just about done, and I am figuring out how to winter the pony and goat together as they are now best friends, except when Little Richard has enough of Sven's shenanigans.

Fall prep for the long winter.

It seems we are always preparing for something doesn't it?

In that sense, the new Normal is the Old Normal.

Regarding Covid-19, the numbers in our county are jumping quickly more people are hospitalized. Schools are open with in person classes, but as more positives come from the schools, I imagine it won't stay that way?

Carry on. 

Be well.

How things change

When one becomes a 'CareGiver' life changes. I used to work 30 hours a week and do odd shifts as a security officer.

When Rich had Throat Cancer I had to drive him 180 miles a day for his radiation treatment. My bosses re-arranged my schedule to work on the weekends. I did that until the day he had an Anaphylatic shock to the chemo treatment. 

Two days after getting out of the hospital I was getting ready for work. It was the weekend and I had an early shift.
He got up to go to the bathroom and had a TIA. 

The hits just kept coming. He had another very serious stroke in 2017 that the doctors were not sure he'd recover from.
The social worker came into the room and said that they were searching for a room at the VA hospital or the VA nursing home as he could not go home and be left alone. I made the decision to give up a job I'd had for 9 going on 10 years to stay and take care of Rich. Any career choices were now eliminated.

The Pulmonary Emboli that should have killed him the next year didn't. And my new career which had been ongoing since his cancer diagnosis was now in full throttle.
I had to care for a man who was diagnosed with dementia [not severe at this point] and a long list of other health issues. The most difficult issue to deal with was the severe depression. 

So what did I do for myself during that time? In October of  2018 pre PE, I joined CrossFit to get out of the house for an hour a day during the week and to get some social and physical time. I was falling into a trap of sitting at home and watching Rich's every move. 

My care responsibilities had increased.

Of course this was about the same time that Rich's mom had been diagnosed with dementia and that huge mess. I'll skip all of that. The end result is that for a while I was the CareGiver for two people and eventually the court appointed a guardian for his mother.

Phew.

When I look back and wonder how can 5 short years have so much change in our lives?

So what have I done for me? I eventually decided I needed an out more than just hiking. I joined a gym and began to enjoy the physical and social aspect of creating friendships that were not dependent on CareGiving. 

My doctor had been concerned on my last physical about my blood pressure. Sure, it was going up and up. Now? I average a very good reading.

Maybe I am taking the right steps to self care. But perhaps I can learn more about Care...Giving...and Self Care. That's why I signed up for the Virtual Class.

One of the more interesting things about this progression of events is that I have not become hateful or bitter or even resentful.

Sure there are days that I feel frustrated and short tempered when dealing with my loved one's apathy and disinterest or his forgetfulness. I am only human.

I still find moments with him that cause me joy and laughter. That is the important part. I don't regret leaving the workforce [well, I sort of do, I loved the job, but not the stress of all the strange hours].

I've branched out to learning new things to keep myself occupied.

Covid-19 has really managed to change the whole playing field. No more gym, no visits, and isolation from others. No long day trips. Getting groceries is an adventure in masking and avoidance of others.

I'm looking now for things to do to keep my mind occupied for the winter. [The reason I decided to do a toy story book and a photo book about 2020].

I may even start sewing stuffed toys again. 

So ... Things Change, yet they stay the Same don't they?