Father's Day

I don't normally celebrate much on Father's Day. I lost both my Father and Father in law withing months of each other in 2005. 

Here is my father the year before he died. I had to walk away and take this shot with a long lens so he couldn't hear the camera click. He did not like photos of himself as 'aged'. 

From our trip in 2001 to Hawai'i. What I didn't realize at the time is that I only had a few years left with him. He was my charge on that trip. It was two weeks of sometimes Utter Frustration or unexpected wonderful fun.
I look back now and think of what fantastic memories I have of that trip.

My Father in Law, Lonnie was also a hoot. He hated having any pictures taken of him also. I imagine it was because he had to wear oxygen in the last few years of his life.

He loved fishing and we would take him as often as he would go.

He adored his great grandkids. This photo was a sneak shot while he was occupied with Ariel.

Father ~ Daughter Time. This is my husband with his daughter sitting on a lakeside pier on a summer afternoon. They were watching the kids play in the shallow water.

A photo of my youngest son with his son Sterling right after he was born.

Here is to the dad's the good ones, the bad ones, the so-so ones. The ones who are Dad's to pets instead of children. Those dads who have adopted, those dads who love their charges.

...and those dads we miss.

I make a special note of this today because a have a close friend who's father is now in the hospital with Covid. He told his daughter that Covid was a not real, it was fake, he wouldn't get it. He complied with her request regarding masks. He refused the vaccination. It was a hoax after all and no big deal.

Her mom did get the vaccine. The mom took care of the dad while he deteriorated and DID not get Covid-19. To me? This says, get the damn vaccine. I don't care what you think but this became super personal to me last night. I know this man and adore his funny quirks and have missed visiting with him over the past year and a half. 
As my close friend said: Please, please, please get the vaccination. 

I do not mean for this to be a commentary on Covid or politics. Only a tough revelation that struck close to my heart.

This did not have to be. A family suddenly stricken with illness on a day they would be celebrating together.

It's February!

January 31st

We had The Big Snow that wasn't.

However, Charlie had a very hard time getting through it. It was wet and very heavy. 

I ended up just breaking trail with my skis in the big field and carrying my poles and Charlie at the same time.

That was actually pretty hard but a great workout. I finally found a deer trail and let Charlie down into it. 
I must admit, he is a trooper. He did his 'snow swimming' thing and bounded ahead looking for deer pellets...er smart pellets.

I made it all the way across the ridge.

And then I headed back after watching some snowmobiles scream through the fields. I'm not sure why they need to be so loud. 

Myself? I'm happier doing the silent sports like snowshoeing and skiing. 

January 31st was a pretty good day. On the way back home I got to converse with my neighbor for a bit while her husband plowed the hill. Later on I called my friend in Alabama to see how things were in her part of the world. She is in her 80's and sharp and funny. 

My weekly call from my son was really nice too. His town got his with about 14" of snow. He had gone cross country skiing, or as he said, more like breaking trail...with a friend and had taken advantage of the snow day.

Rich even got out in his skid steer and cleared out the turn around and the lower driveway.

And The Big Little Dog said...

Nap Time!

327 days we have been practicing Social Distancing and masking.
Onward.

Waiting

 

I'm not good at sitting and waiting. And then wondering and waiting.

This morning Rich told me his oatmeal was bad, it didn't taste right. I poured him some of my strong coffee and he sipped it. I asked how it was. He said it didn't taste right either.

Normally if I don't add water to the pot and make the coffee much weaker, he has a fit. He ate and drank his coffee, took his meds, and I approached him about seeing a doctor. 

I told him that his returning fever and the lack of taste and possibly smell [he said he was congested and couldn't smell anyway], along with body aches, extreme fatigue and struggles with 02 were pretty damning for the dreaded Covid. Or at least a reason to be tested. Perhaps it was just URI and a doctor could make things more comfortable for him.

He said he didn't want to go stay in a hospital. He knows what that scenario is like. He'd be alone without anyone. I agreed. So I called the VA Triage Line and am now waiting on a Triage Nurse to call back. The VA has a protocol for things like this. If it isn't an ambulance call or severe enough, they will fight the local ER regarding treatment. I've been through this for 24 years. They will want me to transport him 89 miles one way. I will plead my case for a 10 mile drive.

I will never forget what he said next. 
'So I should die at home.' 
I replied, 'Let's not jump the gun.'

'So where did I get it? You? Charlie? Did you let people pet Charlie that day you took a walk? They gave it to him, he gave it to me.'

After putting him back to bed and hooking up the CPAP, I sat down and did my 'contact' tracing.

The only persons I had contact were with
Two humans who briefly touched Charlie, 12-4
the checkout person at the store on 12-8
the FedEx guy who handed me a package and we briefly talked because it was dark and I had to show him where to turn around, 12-10 
distance hiking outdoors with Bill, 12-11....

Can you imagine the guilt I and the amount of anxiety I am suddenly inundated with? How did he even get sick if it is just a respiratory infection? What did I do wrong?

What if?

What...

if...

I do live with a man who is health compromised in the first place. Last year we wouldn't have questioned it much. We would have assumed it was a bad cold and respiratory infection. He has not been sick [nor have I] in years. 

I dropped him off at the local ER. Here is the difficult part. No spouse admittance, I could 'go do errands and shopping' or go home. The nurse was nice about it as she unloaded Rich in the ambulance bay. I wanted to point out to her how ridiculous 'go shopping' sounded in this day and age. She was just being kind and saying what was a common saying a year or so ago.

I told her I'd wait for a first impression and report by telephone in the parking lot. I did.

A Covid test will be done, chest x-rays, blood tests, the usual poking and prodding. I could expect an update in about 3 hours.

So now I am home doing laundry carrying my cell phone as if it is a life line.

Waiting...

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Update....Phone call from the nurse.
We will be admitting your husband here. There are no beds available at the VA.

Let's parse that out. No beds.

Me: What is the diagnosis?
Nurse: 99% positive Covid-19. We have given him....

I listened to what their plan of action for the moment was.

Me: Then I should be quarantined. Should I be tested?
Nurse: Quarantined yes. Tested no. You have not shown any signs correct?

Nurse: We will update you when he is put in a room and when we get the final labs back.
Me, quietly: Okay.

Hangs up phone.

Primal Screaming really scares Charlie. Maybe I should do it outside.

Life is Precious

 "Remember that all through history, there have been tyrants and murderers, and for a time they seem invincible. But in the end they always fall." ~ Mahatma Ghandi

There, that how I feel about the current situation in the United States. That is, aside from the Covid-19 Pandemic that many still think are not a big deal.
And to those that say it is not a big deal, how would they feel if/when it effects them or a family member. And that family member is wiped from the face of the earth. Or a person contracts Covid and they are a Long Hauler with life long issues.

The best my husband can hope for, is to avoid contracting Covid for as long as possible and hope for better treatments. Or as he said to me. Let me go if I get it. 

I'm taking this time this fall and winter to appreciate our close relationship and friendship. Our future is never certain nor is it written in stone. 

218,000 lives gone in how many months? Seven? Eight? 

Don't live in fear or let Covid run your life. 

I hear that often. 
But I also don't drive without caution, I wear a seatbelt. 
I ride my equine with a helmet.
I ride my bicycle safely.

I live my life responsibly because if I am gone, who is left to take care of my husband?

I consider his life to be precious to me. I like his company even when we don't agree on things.
I love his aphasia from his stroke, he comes up with mixes of words that make absolute sense. I love his humor. I love his company even though he can drive me crazy.

So go to your bars, flaunt your maskless faces. Live your life as you may. But don't ask me to be sorry if the big Covid comes into your life and causes pain and suffering. 

I can't believe I wrote that. But there it is. 

As someone said, "It is what it is."

I don't think I can ever use that line again without some sense of horror and disgust.

Life is Precious.

Covid update for the end of September

On Friday our county jumped in Covid numbers. 35 people that were positive were recovering at home.
Today?
Our numbers jumped again.  70 people recovering at home. Good news is I guess is that we still only have one death.
Bad news?

The scuttle butt is that there are a few nursing homes showing up with the virus. Yes, after spending time with my MIL over the past year or so...old people and infirm people do really matter. So don't tell me they don't. I spent so much time with those in the home with my MIL, that I got to know them as fun wonderful people. Infirm in mind? Perhaps. Unable to care for themselves... yes. But wonderful and beautiful people.

Yet one neighbor down the ridge told me not to worry. You know...only 1% die from this virus. 

Let's do some math. 328.2 million people live in our country. If the virus will only kill ... 

off 

only ONLY...

only

1%.

We are left with 3million, 282 thousand deaths.

But you know what? It's just numbers. The Covid-19 is no big deal. Unless, your loved one, your dad, mom, sister, cousin, grandchild, or child dies. And they could die alone. 

Alone.

I want to ask my neighbor *What's 1% of your family?*  

I leave you to your own thoughts and conclusions. I need to go out and be like Charlie.
Enjoy the forest floor and enjoy with pure abandon.

After all, there is slime mold to look for!

Awkward normals

Saturday morning... good friends of ours made a surprise visit ...they came from Missouri. For them it was a 7 hour drive.
I woke up to see their truck and a camper trailer parked in our yard. They had surprised us last year also. This year they came prepared to be self contained because of Covid-19.

They also come prepared in case we didn't want them here. They love visiting this area of Wisconsin and had reserved a spot at Esofea County Park for their camper.

They all had their masks on as they came to the porch. Charlie was so ecstatic that he could barely contain himself.

It was a surreal scene to have good friends so close and yet stay away from that HUG that is the norm each time we visit. It felt awkward and uncomfortable to have masks on while conversing and catching up on the porch. However this is the new normal right?

I see why people protest and want to fight mask mandates and rules of social distancing. 

We have been doing it all along and since we are pretty remote on the farm, it didn't feel that bad.

But it felt a bit awful and very much awkward Saturday.

When we met up with them later on at the campground, we had settled in with our new normal of working out distancing and eating a supper together while still being near enough to have conversation.

I took the kids to the playground and reminded them to wash their hands with sanitizer when we got back to the camper. 

We ate supper together/apart and conversed. Kristi said she had called her younger sister to wish her a happy birthday and discovered that her sister had Covid-19 that had just been diagnosed. Her sister said it was absolutely the worst ever cold she'd had.

We all sat quietly after that. 
I finally said, "You know, for all those out there who don't believe its real? It isn't until someone close to you gets it, right?"

My visitors had not been exposed to the sister for the past few weeks. It makes you stop and think. 

Well. 
Let's just say, so far the weekend has worked out pretty well.

The creek of course was a huge hit. 

We made plenty of space on the porch to keep everyone safe.

For our second night, Rich sat at the other end of the porch in the rocking chair. We ate suppers on our laps and then visited again.

As it got dark, I gave the boys some glow sticks and they went into the yard to light things up.

Things didn't feel quite as awkward last night. I think Rich was more comfortable on his own porch than in a campground.

It was a nice visit. A bit strange feeling, yet it was so nice to see others.

The hardest part was today. Because all the excitement was over and we felt alone. It was as if we realized what we were missing.

We'll get over it, we will be fine.

Tomatoes or Toomah...toes?

 

First off, I needed to have some fun with the tomatoes. The toys were already in basket on the porch and I just decided to spend some time after picking the 'maters  to have some fun.

I know, childish, but there you go. It also let me practice using the auto stack and auto focus selection on the camera. There is an option for in camera focus stacking on the red pocket camera and the Oly OMD M5iii. Basically it takes a photo shot in macro and takes several shots to pull more items into focus when using a short focal length of 1.8 to 2. I know, gibberish to some, but practicing makes it easier to use when I get out to the woods and want to have some Fungi shots.

The 25mm lens is incredibly clear and will quickly become my favorite to use in the woods along with the macro lens which will actually do IN camera focus stacking. Love the computer chips inside these newer updated cameras.

Ok. I got off track again.

Tomatoes, yippee for canning! Here is yesterday's loot along with the sauce we had for supper which I froze all the extra with mushrooms and sausage for quick meals later this year.

Marigolds...a bowl of them!

Zinnias...I love Zinnias.

Each week I pick a plastic bottle or a can and fill it with Zinnias and drop it at my neighbor's bench. She claims to have a brown thumb and flowers are still a mystery to her. Though she is doing very well with her little green house.

Tomatoes on the porch....

They are the next ones to get ripe and canned. 

However I am setting aside Thursday or Friday to get out with my pal Bill and go hiking. 

I do put my foot down on getting OUT to go somewhere with another human and spend time hiking or biking. This is part of my self care. Bill is willing to hike in all seasons which means we can continue through the winter months. It is something I look forward to a LOT each week.

I started the Veteran's Administration CareGiving class yesterday. More on that later.

My sunflowers are just about done and I toss the stems to the mules. The flower heads I leave out for the birds.

And last but not least. August 31st had an amazing sunrise.

I leave you with that today.

Until tomorrow.

Be well, stay safe and healthy.

Kickapoo Redo

 Last February I took a friend of mine on a hike. 

At one of those turns which are deep in the woods, I took a right instead of a left at junction.

Luckily after that journey, Bill decided to continue hiking with me. So we went back to explore the trail that I meant to take him on.

Instead of the above...we, had the below...

The signs can be confusing especially if you are not paying strict attention. Bill checked his map and I checked mine even though I was pretty sure as to how we should go to accomplish this "lollipop" trail.

Our fearless leader took a break with us and had some water. Charlie drinks water out of a peanut butter lid. If I forget one, he'll drink from the bottle itself.

The hike looks pretty docile and it isn't extremely hard. However, it is a bit over 5 miles to do what we did. The MapMyWalk app said we had an elevation gain of 503 ft. I think that is cumulative over the whole hike.

To say the least, the trail looks flat but isn't. It winds its way along a ridge and dips down to the river and back up with the trail skirting 'ice caves' and unique land formations.

So the terrain we covered looks like the following.

It isn't flat but it has a wonderful green canopy in the summer. In the winter it has some amazing views of the river and of the ice caves that are in those steep folds of land.

And this time!

No one took a wrong turn!

It was a great hike. Charlie even thought so.

Oh the Mask Thing!

This photo was taken last February during one 

of those wicked cold spells. 

I was going for a walk. 

I did not have trouble breathing, 

I did not have any issues at all.

Let's begin with the news ...

The Mask Mandate has been issued by our Wisconsin Governor. 

It didn't take very long before Facebook locals began copying and pasting anti mask movement memes and snippets.

My question is, IF you are so against protecting others and have reasons, don't use a meme, don't copy and past.

Write it out in words, make others understand how hard it is to wear a mask....how your not wearing one makes sense. 

I want to know.

Is it hard to breathe if you have asthma? Rich has severe COPD. He wears a mask, he has gotten used to it after those first times of wearing it and feeling uncomfortable.

And guess what?

He can even fit a nose cannula under it! Yup.

But perhaps there is a good reason and I am all for that.

If a person is so health compromised that they cannot wear a mask, what can we do instead?

Wear a bandanna?

My Grandson visiting on 4th of July

the bandanna enables him to

chat and even

look like a little villan!

Is it against your religion? 

Is it against your morals?

Is it too difficult to remember to wear one?

What rights are being infringed upon?

Or

this...

are people retaliating against someone telling us what to do?

But wait. Here is another issue being tossed around. 

This virus is a hoax. Only a few people die from it.

And you know what? 

My answer to that is simple.

I guess it doesn't matter unless you or someone close to you dies from Covid-19.

Or gets very ill.

Funny.

I can remember the time when I went somewhere and a friend would tell me that they couldn't meet up with me because they had a cold and didn't want to spread it.

Yup. Remember when we were considerate to each other?

This mask thing? It is no different.

Because truly each person walking around near another does not necessarily know if they have this virus.

I'm not going to yell or try to shame people into wearing a mask, or following a mandate.

But I am going to follow all reasonable steps to try and keep Covid-19 out of our house.

The other night I awakened with a heart pounding start.

What would my life feel like without my husband?

What happens if I die from this? Who takes care of him?

The animals?

And then as I watched the sun rise this morning and thought about life and death...I realized that when I die, how I die...it will only be a blip on the tiny radar of life.

I think I'll put a mask on and do my shopping for the next two weeks. 

This winter could be long.

What is the cost?

Where once I fear the cost of truth, but now only ask:

What is the cost of lies?

I watched the HBO movie 'Chernobyl'. It resonated with me in a slight way as I had spent a few years working near and around a nuclear reactor that was the same vintage as Chernobyl's. However this reactor was and had been in the stages of decommission for years before I worked there.

The movie was excellent if not thought provoking.

I sat in our living room and watched as officials lied to each other and no one wanted to admit the horrible thing that had happened. No one wanted to discover the truth. 

Those in government wanted the incident to simply go away. If they ignored it, it would not be.

I was deeply disturbed throughout the movie. At the end of each episode I sat on my couch and thought about the parallels in the present world.

At the very end of the series the scientist Valery Legasov's voice says:

This statement hits home.

You can take this any way you want to.

There it is...

It's going to be

Hot!

It has been an interesting few days. 

Things go on as normal around our little farm but the heat and humidity have changed how I do things.

Most of my outdoor work is done before 10am. That means picking beans, lettuce, onions, and pulling weeds in the garden.

[That includes CrossFit workouts too. Uffdah!]

I like to sit on the porch later in the morning and get the veggies washed and ready to blanch. That too needs to be timed for very early in the morning.

I don't want to steam up the house during the hottest part of the day.

When I am bored and can't hike or go 'do' something, I start to go rather stir crazy and take out the camera and just go at it. 

I experiment with Infrared, with long exposures, and even resort to taking the toys out for some fun.

Yesterday as I was sitting in the yard with some toy Unicorns and a rat skeleton [toy]. I realized I was just like a kid. 

I was creating. 

The camera was my paper and pen. Most of the photos were silly but fun and kept me occupied. I'd actually studied a tutorial regarding how to use a Long Lens for Macro work. 

So I decided to try it.

Not a true macro, but heck...it IS a unicorn!

And Unicorns like to play...so here they are playing! But yikes! What is lurking in the grass behind them?

I also wanted to be silly and tell a story...or make a visual. 

Nothing earth shattering, but just for fun.

This unicorn should be more careful!

Rich sleeps away the afternoons while the heat bears down on us.

Charlie and I sit on the porch and watch clouds, and listen to the birds. I read a book. But I can't sit still for too long.

I wander the yard and look for interesting things.

It's hot and muggy. 

Just dragging the hose across the yard to put fresh water in the mules' tank makes me gush sweat.

Uff.

I find something interesting to try so I sit in the grass. 

I'm always curious. How will I look back on this photo? Will I remember that I sat in the grass to wait for the tank to fill up?

I will look back and recall how nice it is to have Charlie with me.

He sits and surveys the world from a spot in the shade.

He turns to look at me every few minutes. 

.... and there it is.

Another quiet day in seclusion at the farm.

I don't mind it so much now.