90 plus days later...

On May 6th Rich had a stroke. The professionals all said, "The first 3 months are the most important. You will see the biggest improvements during that time."

Speech is still an issue. Rich gets frustrated when he talks sometimes. Fatigue is his biggest enemy. Fatigue seems to short-circuit his ability to find words and express ideas.
Physically he is doing pretty good. We had a follow up with oncology last week and learned that his throat cancer had been a stage IV. When the doctor told us that I was rather surprised. I don't recall learning the stage. Perhaps it was mentioned but I guess we focused on treatment and not the diagnosis.
So far, 2 years after treatment and still no return of cancer which is another sigh of relief.

My plan for the summer was this. Keep Rich engaged. I saw how he reacted right after the stroke when people were around. I had to stay home now to help him.
My farm and home became something of a revolving door.

Grace and Evelyn for a week, Ariel for a week, Dennis and Ariel for a week. Visitors who came and stayed the weekend. Mule riding. Fishing.
But always time for speech therapy and rest too.

I posted this photo already once but feel it sums up so many things accomplished in 3 short months.

96 days ago he could speak only one word. He ate with his utensils upside down. He needed a nurse at his side to leave the bed.

We are still working with Speech Therapy to try to improve the effects of aphasia and are going to address the possibility of driving again with limitations.

I was asked if I missed my work place. Not really. I don't miss the hours at all. I don't miss getting up at 2am to work a 12 hour shift.
The garden has been productive. I have frozen, dried, and canned food for this winter. I have been able to dedicate some rather long days to 'putting up food' for the winter.

Rich helps with chores now. I let him take care of the cattle. We will be shipping several to auction before the winter and keeping a few prospects for 'processing' later.

Things are coming together. I am looking forward to the possibility of part time work as a teacher's aide at one of our local schools. We'll see how things keep progressing.

Winter is looming on the horizon and it will be a challenge to keep Rich engaged with activities through that time.

For now... things are peaceful. I still can't leave him on his own, but I don't mind being here for him either.
Through good and bad we keep chugging along.

Here is to the next 90 plus days...

Conversations on the Porch

Yesterday was designated as "Quiet Rest Day". We'd had a busy Saturday visiting with our Farrier pals for graduation.
We ended up being the last guests to leave. The guys sat in one of the rooms and conversed, telling stories and laughing a lot.

My stepdaughter Stephanie called to let us know that they would not be able to visit and do fencing. Dennis may have gotten a flu bug so they were staying home.

There was somewhat of a chain reaction to that. Rich called his mom and I could hear her through the phone. She decided that she was going to go get "The Flowers and put them in the cemeteries herself, but she didn't know how."

I'd forgotten about that 'tradition' since in my family we don't know where most of us are buried and some of the family are just ashes spread hither and thither. In death I want to be a free spirit myself, spread to the whims of the winds.

I volunteered to help do that, but not until Tuesday. Rich seemed to be still bummed over the phone conversation so I checked the weather and said we'd go fishing on Wednesday.

Then I checked my paperwork. I wanted to smack my head again. I had VA and Gunderson Lutheran phone calls to make and arrange. I had to change GLHP appts and confirm that they are authorized by the VA. That meant phone messages and people getting back to me. If I made the calls and was absent from home I couldn't deal with them. [Later I smacked my head. Cell phone!]

I told Rich that we were having a rest day. He went back after breakfast to lay down. Speech and language comprehension was foggy for him. I told him the brain needed a rest.

But the fencing I'd put off still had to get done. I texted my neighbor and per our previous conversations,...Justin had volunteered to pound posts. He is young and strong and likes to pound the posts. He also volunteered to mow our yard at some point. I checked those worries off my list.  Fencing to commence today after the chores are done. Mowing ... I was off the hook!
Then Justin offered to help me figure out how to start our little tiller.

I sat down on the porch and felt slightly guilty about not working on something. So I got out my paints and grabbed an old skull that had been sitting out and was badly weathered.

I didn't intend to make it a piece of 'art'. I just kept messing around with it while my mind wandered and I listened for Rich to wake up.

When he did come out on the porch he sat down and stared out across the winter pasture.
"How am I...going to." He waved his arm at the donkeys and mules basking in the sun.
I leaned over to listen to him. I wanted him to be able to finish his conversation.
"How can I?" He made a motion with his hand and then dropped it.
"The animals? Selling them?" I prompted.
"Yes. I can't talk good. I can't...find...the words."
"I can make the phone calls or we can use speaker phone to do it." I offered.
He sighed and nodded. He looked out again and asked, "What happened to me? What did they do to me?"

The details of his stroke are confusing to him. We went through the process slowly. I went over what happened with him telling me some things. The stroke, the 911 call, the ambulance ride to Vernon Memorial. Slowly and quietly we went through that day again.
He shrugged and looked out. "It isn't all there." He searched for words. "I can't...find things?"
"You can't remember things?" I asked.
"No. I don't remember going to Vernmorial."
"Vernon Memorial?" I prompted.
"Yes." He makes a motion next to his ear. "Then they scrambled it in ... my head. They ruined my head. Broke it."
"The blod clot stopped your brain from getting what it needed and it broke some parts that help with your understanding things," I said carefully.
"No. They broke me." He answered and sighed.

He asks about the surgery and we go over how the surgeon went through his artery and to the brain to bust up the clot. I demonstrate it with a hose and a paint brush.

He seems to understand then asks why he has to go back.
"To see the guy who worked on your brain?" I ask.
"Yes."
"Well he wants to see how you are doing. And prepare to fix your aneurysm."
He doesn't recall the doctor or us talking about that.

He is a guy who wants the truth. I explain that he has an aneurysm in his brain also that should be fixed sometime late this year.
"Will it kill me? Am I dying? I feel like I am dying." He states. "I am no worthless."

His eyes are troubled and I reach out for his hand over my paints.

I want to say we are all dying and hand him cliches, but I don't. We hold hands and I quietly say, "You are not worthless. You are not scrambled. You are my husband that I love very much."

I move my chair next to his and we hug and hold onto each other for a long time. Silence. His hand squeezes mine.  I think, "Yes dear, if the aneurysm goes, you will die instantly and without any pain. It troubled the surgeon, but it is like a sword hanging above your head. However let's take things as they come, day by day." But I stay quiet. He doesn't need to be troubled by something like that when he is struggling each day to comprehend things.

I am reminded of the morning I sat with him in the hospital when we struggled to communicate and he kept asking about being "Alone."
He had been frightened by his brain turning on him and was afraid of being 'Alone'.

No my dear, I will not leave you alone. I will be here for you.

Life can change

A person's life can change in a flash of a second.
One moment I was getting ready for work, the next moment threw me into a bizarre life turning event.

In 2015 during Rich's cancer treatments, he had a TIA. The Neurologists from University of WI said that if you have a TIA, your risk for future stroke is higher.

Well, he had a CVA or cerebral vascular accident on Saturday in the predawn hours. The ambulance transported him locally and the trauma center was notified by local ER.
By the time I caught up with him at the Trauma Center in LaCrosse at Gunderson Lutheran Hospital, they had prepped him for surgery and were whisking him out of the room.
A kindly white haired man took me to the side and we talked about what was happening.
Turns out this kindly white haired fellow was a Neurologist. He explained that they were going to 'go in and remove the blockage' and they had enough brain to save.
He also let me know that the brain was a mysterious thing in a way and only time would tell as to my husband's recovery and progress.

I'm going to spare you the details of the past four days. And say this.

I am married to the most amazing person. He impressed Physical Therapy so much by his physical gains and strengths, that he was released and allowed to come home with constant supervision.

The area of the brain that had an 'injury' relates to speech and some thought process.
When words evade him, we have been finding another way to communicate.
Too much going on at once can be a bit confusing.

We have some real work to do together.

And some serious fishing to get done this summer.

Quick note.

My husband woke up Saturday morning and had a stroke. I will be somewhat absent for a few days as we go through testing and evaluations.

Sorry. If I follow your blog I may not be able to comment or even try to catch up on things for a bit.