Wardrobe Failures!

 

She bought this horrible ugly nasty icky thingy. 

OH and She was so excited to put it on me. 

She took photos of me eating my supper.

Then it happened. Jacket Failure. 

When She let me outside to do my business. I kept putting my foot through the neck hole and falling on my face.

I was happy, she was not. Over the years she tried with some dog named Morris to get him a blaze orange vest. Apparently he destroyed it in one outing. The fleece got full of snow and so many burrs that it was never usable again. 

Then someone who had seen Mr. Morris's coat predicament sent him one of her dog's old coats. 

Another coat failure. 

She explained all of this to me patiently while she scratched her head. 

My short little legs seem to be an issue. When I run or leap, they get stuck in the jacket. So she tried tightening it. 
Nope.

Phew, after a few more tries, She removed the obnoxious thing and decided to think about the problem over night. 

I hoped SHE would forget it. But She didn't.

She took some craft twine and tied up the neck/leg holes to make them tighter so my legs wouldn't get stuck.
I am So embarrassed.

But then she let me outside for a morning walk! I was so happy to get out in the snow that I took off ... faster than the speed of light. Okay, I exaggerate. 

Wow! I guess you can see me really well! It worked great on the driveway and it started out okay in the woods too.

Then it happened again. My tiny legs got caught up in the belly thingy. How embarrassing to be jumping a log and BIFF. Land on my face in the snow because one leg got tucked under in the belly thing.

She removed it. I could tell She had more thinking to do. She stuffed the offensive jacket in her pocket and we had a nice walk after all.

She said she really needed to figure out how to make the jacket work. I guess I am hard to spot in the woods. 

Can you find me? I'm in this shot.

She grumbled a lot and I could see smoke coming from under her hat, She was thinking hard!

She found some pretty red Barberry berries to take a picture of and then we walked out to the road.

At the road, She put the jacket thing back on me. On the flat surface and just walking, the jacket did fine. 

And apparently I can be seen.

However there needs to be another adjustment.

She needs to figure out how to keep my short legs from getting caught in the belly thingy.

Back at home we worked on that.

I AM a very patient dog.
Very. 
She came up with a possible solution. She cut up an old shirt and fit part of the sleeve over the jacket like a horse cinch.

It might just work. We'll have to see what today brings as it will be our last day before the gun hunting season and we don't go for walks during that time no matter how bright our jackets are.

Her. By Charlie

She says: Want to go for a walk?

I think: IF I go out with you, we can smell squirrels, eat deer poop, and I can ignore you unless you offer tiny dog treats and call me repeatedly.

I'd be an idiot to turn all that down.

She heads out the door and towards the hill. I head the other way and sit down in the driveway. Obviously, she is going the wrong way. 
So I sit. And sit.

And then She calls me and I turn my head to stare up the drive. I will ignore her first few calls and then think a bit about it. 

My collar goes buzzzzzz... buzzzz. Oh crap. She really does want to go the wrong way. Tsk, tsk. 

I guess. 

So I stand up and trot to her with an upward glance. She calls me a Good Dog and reaches wayyy down to run her mittened hand over my head.

Off we go.

Maybe I'll find some really good smells and maybe I can chase a deer. I know She thinks I am a little tiny dog, but I don't see myself that way. I'm a hound. I am a Hunter with a capitol H. I seek voles and mice along with the big game. 

I have Her to protect me from the scary things in the forest.

Like Coyote smell and Bobcat smell.

We got down into the creek and I found a curiosity. A dead raccoon. It looked like it was sound asleep in the creek. I smelled it and just stood and stared at it. 

She told me to "Leave it be" and we went on.  Contrary to popular belief, I don't roll in dead things. I like to find something nasty, sticky, black, and that has an intoxicating odor to roll in. Dead animals are not interesting at all.

Smart pellets like deer poo are delicious. When I was a pup an old hound dog named Dixie taught me how to find them and eat them. She was an excellent mentor. She said they would make me smarter. Dixie said that Morris told her that.

Val however, is okay, but just doesn't have much of a nose to speak of. She is pretty nice to cuddle with and She is in charge of feeding me, but she has no good sense of smell. I guess I'll just have to forgive her for that.

She also has no fear. When I smell coyote tracks and shiver and quiver, She just looks around and shrugs. She also has a pistol thing. It makes Huge Loud Scary Booms. Since I am so frightened of guns, she usually leaves it in the holster thing.

I like leading. The only time I don't is when I hear gunshots or perhaps smell something quite dangerous near by. 

I headed down the creek. She stopped to admire a small pool of trout. 

Then there was something inside a log that captured her attention. 

"Look at this Charlie! Ice!" 

I was busy smelling for wild things. 

Finally She sat on a log and just didn't do anything. I think She was just listening. Maybe She was trying to smell.

Maybe She was thinking. I do that a lot. I think.

Mostly I think about Food.

Finally She stood up and called me.

I was on the other side of the little creek so I sat down and pretended my ears were plugged up. I was in a good place and She could just sit down again and Think.

She buzzed my collar and I came on the run.

I'm pretty good that way. If She buzzes me or rings the collar I do come quickly.

Otherwise?

I ignore her.

She and I walked along another deer trail and headed back towards the house. We went slow. Well, She went slow like She was looking for something.

Maybe if She had a better nose She would know what She was looking for.

But She seems to drift here and there through the forest just soaking things up. And often She sticks that camera in her face.

She is...

a bit Odd.

I have to admit, She isn't all that bad for being a two-legged creature. But She is what I've got so I guess I will make do.

At least She makes me a nice place on the couch with blankets to rest. For that? I like Her.

Life ~ By Charlie

Charlie! Do you want to go for a Walk???

Hmmm. Hmmm. I'm currently holding down the couch and thinking about my camouflaged look. Don't bother me.

Aww come on, it is your Birthday!

As if I would recall that! Still, not impressed lady human. Go away.

I have cookies AND it is SNOWING!

Cookies? Snowing? COOOKIES??? Hmmmm. Hmmmm. Cookies. Yes! Let's go you fool!

It is simply amazing the amount of stuff that a people has to put on for a simple walk in the woods. It would be so much easier if humans just had fur like me and could go right out. 

However I imagine her feet would get cold while crossing the creek and walking in snow and ice.

She is always stopping to look at things. Always. I sniff around to find what is so interesting and she will tell me things like: Look at that ice forming!

And I am like. Hmmmm, no mice and no vole in the ice. I don't care. Let's keep moving!

Can we GO now???

Can we keep moving please?

There are deer carcasses to be sniffed and mice to be found. Let's go!

OH Wait. Um. Hmmm. Well, Okay, NOW I will be carried. I smell a kitty that is bigger than I am. 
Nope. Not afraid. Um, well. I think my feet are getting cold.

Perhaps if I shiver and look pitiful, she will pick me up and carry me through all this dangerous stuff. I smell cat. So I shiver and shake and look up at her ...I put my paws on her snowpants and implore with big Googly Eyes.

Oh goody. Coyote ~ Big Wild Dog too!

Sweet! I got a mini cookie and a lift! Phew, sometimes she can be awesome for a human person.

In fact she gave me a lift out of the scary place where the coyote and kitty have trails. Finally when we reached a 'good' place, she set me back down and off I ran. I can pounce and it makes her laugh. When she is so good to me, I like to make her laugh.

If I get too far ahead, she beeps me and I return. 

I don't know, but I kinda like these birthday walks, maybe I can have a lot more. 

Best part of these walks? SHE takes me home and I can resume my duties as a lap/couch/supervisor dog with the Him Human.

Life is good when you rule the house. Even better if you have Big Googly Eyes!

Bad Bad DOG! by Charlie

 NO, not me. I am a delightful dog. A loyal dog. 

I believe in "Make Naps/Not War!"

Cookies and Laps! Not growlies and bities!

Mom took me for an afternoon walk. She said we would go look for bugs and icky things like that. I sometimes like bugs to smell and see if they taste good. She said we'd go on the road and not the deep woods. 
I was happy and carried my rope up the hill. I was all in!

When we got down past the place where the people and kids live in a cabin, mom waved to the Mom that had little children. Their dog Kettle was next to their car and had on a cone thingy and its whole body was all wrapped up. 

Mom said 'Hi' and we kept walking. 

Kettle dog must have been in a very nasty and surly mood. She came out snarling and growling with her teeth gnashing. Before mom could pick me up out of harm's way the Kettle came at me with fire and ugly in her eyes. 
I lay on the gravel road and started screaming in terror.

The Kettle dog kept raising her voice and getting nastier. I crawled between mom's legs to hide and the Kettle dog pushed the cone into the back of my mom's calves. I think I peed myself and I think mom wanted to pee herself.

She said very calmly to the other Mom that she would NOT reach around or move until other Mom had control of her dog. The Kettle dog's teeth were clashing and making noises. I thought mom's legs were getting torn to shreds as Kettle dog was pushing the cone against her legs and trying to reach me. 

I kept screaming and squeaking. I couldn't help it. I was so afraid.

The other Mom's Man Person starting Yelling too at the Mom person. It was a mess. The only one not yelling was my mom who stood absolutely statue still. 

The Kettle dog was retrieved and my mom said nothing. She picked me up and walked down the road. She was thinking.

She had never had trouble with the Kettle dog before but I could tell this really troubled her a lot. She checked me all over. I was clinging with my paws to her forearms. 

Then I sensed mom got very angry. She doesn't get angry very often or very fast. 

She put me down and told me how much she loved me and how she was so sorry and she had been scared too as she'd been bitten more than once in her life by a dog on the back of her legs. She said she was thankful for the cone on the nasty dog's head.

She fingered her pepper spray and smiled a very nasty smile. Kettle would learn NOT to approach us ever ever again.

See? I am a happy dog. A lover and snuggler. I have never even growled except at lightening bugs.

I do NOT like Bad Bad Dogs.

I am an attack dog! by Charlie

So Val thought it was hilarious to put a winter coat on me. Seriously? A coat?
Oh.
And then she added the rest and as you can see, I laid quietly there on the couch and ignored her giggles.
Silly woman.
Silly silly old lady!

We went out to do chores and thankfully she did not try to make me wear the hat or the gloves. Too big.

I supervised the hay sleds and the sweet feed to Mica. I take a nibble just to do a quality assurance test before she gives it to the elderly mule. She says that this spring maybe I can ride with her on Mica.
We shall see, that is a far ways off the ground.

We got to the water pump thingy and she filled up some buckets.

I started to hunt around and pretty soon found a new playmate. It moved very slow and did slimy icky poops and hissed a lot. It wasn't one of Basil's cats it was something big and it had tiny eyes and big white teeth with a bare tail.
So I grabbed the tail and then it pooped and then I let go and then it hissed.

Suddenly Val did a shout and told me NO NO NO!
Oh my dear, I heard the first NO. You don't need to repeat as if I am a dolt with deaf ears!

I looked up at her and then back at my new play mate who had stopped in the yard. It did the poop thing again. It then laid down and was super still.

I sneaked up on it and was going to grab its tail because this was one of the best 'chases' I'd ever had in slow motion. Birds were fast, skunks were fast [yep I got yelled at for that one too], and chipmunks are amazing, squirrels go up trees...but this thing, it was slow and nasty. Much fun-ner.

NO CHARLIE!

Aww come on!

She whisked me into the house and then did something. She told Rich that the possum got away and was probably in the old red shed.

Next morning while we were feeding Dixie, there was my playmate again! It didn't move! Just hunkered into the deep snow and lay still as a ... Val... said still as a possum. And Dixie ignored it. Some hunting dog she is!

Well. My poopy playmate is gone. I don't know where it went but Val went around with a shovel and cleaned the slimy poo off the snow and chucked it somewhere so I won't eat and roll in it.

Instead I went on a walk with Basil and Logan. We walked with our people on the road as the snow was soft on top and very deep.

At least I did not have to wear that embarrassing coat. Basil wears hers because it keeps the sand and slush off her underbelly. Mine wipes clean I guess because I have a different fur coat.

The snow was deep!

We climbed snow mountains with Logan.

And then hurried home before then next snow came.

I hope my slow chase animal comes back. It was too fun and the poop would have been delicious.

Meanwhile, I think I will hold down the couch and dream of big adventures.

Keep up two legged person! ~by Charlie

She was pretty sure that I wouldn't like the new fresh cold stuff she calls SNOW on the ground when we went to do chores this morning.

OH! How much fun is this? Run through the cold stuff and have it brush my tummy! Run run run! Spin and run! Stick my nose in it and run!
It made her laugh and laugh.

When She put on coveralls and boots after chores and asked if I wanted to go for a walk I was right there at the door waiting.
She said 'Walkies!' and I was ready!

And we headed out through the meadow and down to the creek. I kept running ahead and then checking to see if she was coming. Sometimes SHE can be so slow!

She called me a few times to wait up and I did. But the snow covered so many good smells and I had to keep putting my nose into it.

The creek was 'up' from the recent heavy rains last weekend and so I found a rock to stand on so I could look around.

How come human people are so slow?
I watched her walk towards me and then it dawned on me. It must be tough to be a human and only have two legs. Four legs are better, more to balance with, better to jump distances with...oh the advantages.

Maybe I can train her how to do that. I mean, I sure can try.

She kept having trouble on all the slippery snow covered rocks. More than once she had to call out to me to stop again and wait.
How embarrassing.

She is so Slow. Perhaps if she would use her hands and her feet, she could climb and jump better.
Yet She insists on walking on those two long legs. Pity. Short legs are so much better suited to slippery stuff.

I thought She was going to fall and crash when I heard her yelp. She has good balance considering. She hopped and steadied herself and then told me to "Wait up!"

Oh slow poke! I have so many smells to take care of, don't you understand?

She finally stopped by a little waterfall and decided to head up and over the bank towards home. She whistled and I came running past her.

Maybe it doesn't look like it here, but I am running up a deer trail with my ears flapping magnificently while flying across the snow covered ground.

I think I like the cold much better than the hot heat. It feels better and my thick coat keeps me toasty warm.

When we got home, She toweled me off.
She handed me a chew bone and I immediately got down to business.

However, I can't wait to go out again.

Perhaps we can take Dixie too. Then I'll have someone who can keep up.