Weekend Wrap up....

The past few weeks have been insane...right? Or do I just get too excited over stuff???

Maybe I need to go sit in the forest for a day and just not think or do....

Sometimes things happen in succession and drive a person up the Crazy Wall.
When I got home from CrossFit Friday morning I parked the 'Ru, then walked out late in the afternoon to see this....
By the time I had the 'fake tire' on, Ariel arrived. 

Ariel cooked Grandpa his absolute favorite meal on Friday night. Liver and Onions. She pretty much knew how to make it and I assisted. 

What a cool young lady. She wanted to celebrate her birthday weekend by cooking a meal she knew Grandpa would love.

Very thoughtful.

Saturday was to be a shopping spree for books that Ariel had in mind to add to her collection. She is a bibliophile. She had spent 3 months working overtime and extra hours to save up for some specific books she had in mind.

With a flat tire and no repair shops open over the weekend, I let her do the driving while I navigated to the stores she wanted to go to.

We wandered Barnes & Noble for hours.

We found a series of books that we both thought would be fun to read--- The Little Old Lady Behaving Badly! 

Next she took me to Chick fil A for a late lunch. 

We sure had a laugh over this sign-->

We made another stop at Michaels to browse yarn and crafty stuff.

When we turned into the last isle we found Dragons! We both think dragons are cool mythical creatures and Safari makes some really fantastic dragons. Ariel admired one in particular. I picked up one myself and told her to pick 2 as an addition to her birthday gift. I got the white snow dragon...

Having a driver was so nice. I didn't have to do much other than help Ariel get around unfamiliar territory. 

Monday was all about getting the car fixed [again], calling in medications, talking to the Palliative Care Nurse, talking to the LP company, and fixing the land line phone issue. 

Some days I miss my previous life where I was busy with work and other interests.

These past couple of weeks were wonderful. I had so many things to look forward to.

...

Travelers

The book I ordered and started reading:

This book explores what it is like to be a Caregiver and what they face when caring for those with some form of dementia...or the new and improved terms: Cognitive Decline or Neurologically Impaired.
Like any Caregiver, we want to fix our charge. 

We develop behavior that in its own way is problematic. Then the Caregiver feels guilty and struggles with feelings of regret, joy, and frustration all at the same time.

My husband's stroke in 2017 was pretty significant. I won't go into the details, however, he did have to go through months of speech therapy to try and help his aphasia. I learned quickly to understand what he wanted to say when he said something quite opposite. Soon after, he was also diagnosed with Mild Cognitive Impairment Frontotemporal Dementia.

It is easier to say his Brain is Hurt.

When I am frustrated with him, I correct his backwards speech or even repeat it back to him. The surprise on his face when he hears that reminds me that he KNEW he said She instead of He, or In instead of Out. When I am particularly feeling like a turd, I pretend just not to understand him.

Yes, I said feeling like a turd. 

So many moments we have are normal and he catches his 'mistakes'. So I sometimes think ---> he is doing it on purpose.

His stroke also changed his personality. Once he was quick to anger and he could be rather difficult when he was in a mood. He had rages when something went wrong and usually I'd just step back and let him calm down. He wasn't a bad husband at all, just quick with a temper. Most of the time it was directed at inanimate objects. 
I watched him try to beat up his truck one time when it wouldn't start.

After his stroke, this different person emerged. Slow to temper, quicker to smile, and almost unemotional. He stopped taking interest in most things around him. He was always the person that had to be in control of everything. Bam, that ended abruptly.

He even stopped driving. He had no interest in operating a vehicle. 

[He still gives me helpful backseat driving hints when we travel together.]

Sure we have since had some arguments and disagreements. Once I got really angry and pulled a card out of my mother's deck of dirty tricks.

I decided to give him the Silent Treatment, at least until he realized it and asked me 'What's wrong?'

True to his apathy for life and most all things, he never noticed the silent treatment. The only one that suffered was me. I was angry. He forgot what we had argued about.

Truly, I felt like a terrible Turd. My behavior was reprehensible. 

Now I use that behavior and forgetfulness wisely. If we argue about something and he gets upset, or I get upset, I wait. I let the issue drop. Within hours, all is forgotten and we go on about our way.

Well, indeed. 

Our journey will take us as Travelers to places we could not have imagined.

When I am among Trees

I know I want to create a photo book of some of the artistic images of trees that I've done this past year. 

I've gathered most of the shots and artistic renderings I've made by different methods and have been getting ready to put them together.

I had no coherent plan in mind, but like most things. Generally the mood of creativity has to smack me upside the head [mentally, that is]. 

I was still conflicted. Is it appropriate to put nice plain photos and mix in different methods of editing? I am stymied.

I was also stuck because I had nothing I wanted to put on the cover of the book.

I'd tried a few different shots and artistic designs with no luck.

I wasn't even thinking about the project when I took a photo of one of my favorite trees and ran it through Wombo Art AI and then Deep Dream AI. I was simply curious to see what would happen if I used AI to mix up two forest shots.

I merged the photos in ON1 [Photoshop is too pricey for me] and messed around.

Little did I know that this was exactly what I'd been searching for.

It looks like some sort of painting that I could imagine walking through.

I even tested it out with a title.

I was inspired by the piece of artwork enough to think about working on the project again.

When I am Among Trees is a poem by my favorite poet, Mary Oliver.

She says what I feel in one small beautiful poem.

I think now that I have this in mind, I can work on the rest of the book.
My executive decision is this. I'll mix and match photos with some of my art. After all, it isn't a 'book' per se that is going out on the NY Best Seller list. 
It will be a self published book for me to pick up and browse through and enjoy what I'd done.

We will see how the project progresses.

Some photos will be artsy and some not so artsy.
I just wanted to collect them in one place to enjoy them.

After all, trees are constantly on my mind.

When I Am Among the Trees

When I am among the trees,

especially the willows and the honey locust,

equally the beech, the oaks and the pines,

they give off such hints of gladness.

I would almost say that they save me, and daily.

I am so distant from the hope of myself,

in which I have goodness, and discernment,

and never hurry through the world

but walk slowly, and bow often.

Around me the trees stir in their leaves

and call out, “Stay awhile.”

The light flows from their branches.

And they call again, “It’s simple,” they say,

“and you too have come

into the world to do this, to go easy, to be filled with light, and to shine.” Mary Oliver

Sunday Surprise

What a morning!

I took a walk up to the top of the lane to see if the deer were down by the mule's mineral lick.
They heard me but stopped so I could snap a shot of them through the trees.

With a flip of their tails, they were gone.

I watched the fog for a while and then the sun broke over the trees.

This sun flare was accidental. I was trying to get a shot of the mules or horse with the sun rim lighting them. But this will do. 

The girls wanted to rotate into a fresh pasture, so I let them into the messy section. Uffda, there are still burdock and stick tights in that section.

Looks like I will be cleaning tails again.

My laptop took a dump on me this morning too. Something about a stopcode error and then bam, it updated and then un-updated. 

I may have to take it the 'puter folks in town.

When I made coffee, the filter folded over and I had uggum-nasty grounds in my first cup.

Gross.

Maybe this was just a signal that I should just turn back the day and repeat Saturday instead of doing Sunday.

I had another creative idea mucking about in my head, so I looked for a big heavy book in the afternoon and went out to look for colorful leaves with Charlie.

I was given this book a few years ago by my neighbor's father. I took it and stashed it away. I wasn't into birds but I didn't have the heart to tell him.

Imagine my surprise when I opened it to put leaves in it, that this was a treasure!

Published in 1904?

The plates inside were gorgeous. 

Which leads me to the next picture!

I wandered the north hillside under maples, oak, and some wild apple trees. This is the first time in weeks that I could just walk through the forest and not be attacked by swarms of mosquitoes.

See? I am in the woods without a head net, though one was in my backpack.

Thank you Auntie Ida from Ludington, Michigan!

The day did get better thank goodness.

I got enough leaves to press and dry. Now to see if I can put some of my summer flowers in a picture frame.

Nothing quite so good as a happy ending.

Finally a Project to do

 

It has been a while since I was motivated to do a book. Now I don't do this for profit. I am doing it for my own personal reasons.

I could have picked Shutterfly to do this, but I am already well versed in the Blurb book layout and how to work with text and photos along with overlays.

Blurb is pricey, but allows a more creative work. Also, I can download the Booksmart program and work on it without being on line. My very first book I did back in 2007 featured my dog Morris and his toys. It was a book for the grand kids.

With our extremely slow internet connection, it took hours to upload a tiny book. But it was worth it to see the grands enjoy their own personal adventure with Morris and his toys.

A friend at Flickr named Nikki, urged me to do a photo book on nature. She sent emails and she made phone calls. But I'll never forget the call I got in late 2008. She said, "Val I'm in trouble. I've been diagnosed with cancer for the 4th time. My mule Dyna will need a home." My husband drove to Wyoming in June of 2009 to meet Nikki's sister and bring Dyna the crazy mule to our farm to live in retirement.

Nikki's request was on my mind and I embarked on a photo journey. She passed away in April so she never got to see what her constant urging had spawned.

I spent from March to November documenting and photographing every wildflower and plant I could find within walking distance of my house. Morris and Badger my mule, accompanied me. It truly was a labor of love. The Enchanted Forest.

In 2011, I decided to do something similar in documenting and photographing the winter in our area. I called it The Sleeping Forest. I discovered that the forest does NOT sleep in the winter. 

I'm glad I did those books, I look back fondly now and page through them recalling those days of walking through the forest. I recall the note taking and fun I had pursuing the wildflowers and plants. I learned so much about the land that surrounds me. The only thing it did, was make me more curious than ever.

Another Flickr friend has been nagging me all through this Pandemic. "Val, make a book of your photos. Do something with them!" I became friends with BJ through Flickr also. She and I talk to each other every Sunday afternoon. Our ranges of subjects are always all over the place. 

One of the great influences for this book is the poet Mary Oliver. Her poetry and prose have been  constant companion through this last year.

Sometimes,
walking for hours through the woods,
I don't know what I am looking for,
maybe for something 
shy and beautiful to come
frisking out of the undergrowth.

~~Mary Oliver
1945-1985: Poem for the Anniversary

I'm not exactly sure how it will all turn out. But I feel it is a good direction for me right now.
A project.

Couldn't sleep

And it all is another blogger's fault. 
I'm laughing because really it isn't anyone's fault.

But I woke up suddenly and thought: What if the Heater quits all of a sudden?

So I sat up and went out to the living room to listen to the heater. We have a cabin heater for our tiny cottage. It does just fine. But I was obsessed with the thought of it not working. 

I decided to read a book on my Kindle.
Then I got to thinking about Moss and Lichen and spring and summer.
So I started a search on books about Lichen and Moss. Identification guides.

...and then there was this Grumpy Dragon:

I decided to stop looking at things. This was no good!

I gathered some blankets and laid on the loveseat with Charlie and started to drift off. I checked the outside temps. -10 with a wind from the North. The mules were playing and chasing each other in the pasture. Must have needed to warm up a bit.

Guess what? The heater worked even when I wasn't watching it.

Dog Songs

After my morning routine, I sat down with a new book that had arrived. It is called Dog Songs  written by Mary Oliver. She is a renowned poet and essayist that I admire greatly.

I couldn't resist the small book.

Charlie decided it was a good idea to lay across my lap while I read.

*****

If you are a dog owner, or have ever been a dog owner. I recommend this book. The book will make you smile and it will make you cry, or at least get teared up.

Her poem The First Time Percy Came Back struck me in the heart like I never though possible.

She speaks of seeing Percy and the reader understands that Percy is no longer of this world.

Yet in her writing you know beyond any doubt that Percy has never left her heart.

I think Mary Oliver loved dogs as she loved nature. They were part of her heart and soul.

The First Time Percy Came Back

by Mary Oliver


The first time Percy came back
he was not sailing on a cloud.

He was loping along the sand as though
he had come a great way.
"Percy," I cried out, and reached to him—
those white curls—
but he was unreachable. As music
is present yet you can't touch it.
"Yes, it's all different," he said.
"You're going to be very surprised."
But I wasn't thinking of that. I only
wanted to hold him. "Listen," he said,
"I miss that too.
And now you'll be telling stories
of my coming back
and they won't be false, and they won't be true,
but they'll be real."
And then, as he used to, he said, "Let's go!"
And we walked down the beach together.

slow down...

So while talking to some of my CrossFit friends one of the other gals turned to me and said.

"Well, maybe this is a sign you should slow down a bit."
So I thought about that for a moment.

She was right. I had been taking on everything with a whirlwind mindset. Summer had been busy with projects that had me going in several different directions at once.

This would be a forced slow down. So I mulled things over in my mind. The winter hay was ordered to be delivered. The yard was under control, I'd taken more than one truckload of junk to the dump this summer. Rebuilt the fence in the woods, and had been taking Rich on the average of 3 to 4 days a week to appointments or PT. I visit MIL in the home at least 3 times a week too.

I was ready for a breather of sorts.

But I argued with myself that winter is for that. The slow down part, right? Who was I kidding. I loved winter especially snow when I could use my snowshoes.

Time to take a breather. Well indeed, that is easy but after 5 days I don't really like the 'sitting' around.  Getting in and out of the car took some effort and was pretty uncomfortable.

I've done a lot of stretching and walking outside on the flat. I just cannot sit still unless I am reading a good book.

I've revised my lists of to do and re-organized it. Next week will be very busy with multiple appointments and drives to Madison. At least Rich's physical therapy will be in town.

Frankly I got pretty bored watching TV. The CSI program Rich is watching now has the same theme as all of the other shows. I can ID what show is coming by the theme music being used as an introduction. Interesting that the music is old rock and roll from my teen years. Oh well, it keeps Rich busy and by good luck I found this program had 15 yrs of episodes.

I'm waiting for The Last Ocean: A Journey Through Memory and Forgetting  to arrive. I was able to read the first 40 pages and was fascinated. I found a used book of poems by Mary Oliver also. Her poetry is incredible. I am not one to just casually read poetry.

In the mean time, I am watching the goldfinches dine on my sunflowers outside the kitchen window. The humming birds are dipping into the 4 o'clocks and sipping nectar from the feeder.
I miss the morning chatter of all of the other summer birds.
That makes me sad.
I guess that is the one reason I don't care for Autumn. The birds leave and it gets too quiet outside.

Slow down.
Well by this morning after days of being 'slower', I feel much better. Amazing as to how the body can heal itself. I'm going to give a nod to CrossFit and working out as to one of the reasons I am feeling better much faster.

I will however have to make sure that feeling good doesn't mean I will go out and start pounding posts or lifting heavy things.
Perhaps it means I can go out for a walk to the woods to check on the fences and pastures.

While I was practicing ... slowing down a bit... I messed around with the Incendia fractals program and came up with some Digital Art which I haven't done in such a long time.

Here is to stopping and smelling the 4 o'clocks and admiring the day.

Gone Shopping

Well, the whole idea of picking up some goofy stuff was to entertain ourselves by dressing up oddly and enjoying some time on the porch.
The last shot is my pal Daryl moving around in a 5 second exposure. I had hit the remote and told Amanda to hold still. Everyone else got blurred.
Not a perfect shot at all, but all of them still fun.

I got the leopard print shirt at the Thrift Store for .75 cents. The hat was a thrift store find from a year ago. The Teddy Bear? I think I paid .50 cents for it. One of the girls was wearing an old evening gown of mine from the 1990's.
Remember the Bumblebee Transformer Mask in the last post? Daryl is wearing that. We found it all hilarious and good fun.
Who the heck needs cable?

The rifle in the corner is a .BB gun.

I dug out some odd chairs that Rich had picked up years ago at an auction. We took those to the creek and set the beach chair at the edge of the creek. My Thrift Store teddy bears [and rabbit] looked great sitting on the 'beach'.

One of the kids put the kid's blue chair right in the middle of the creek and set a Baby Doll on it.

Saturday was another Thrift Store experience. I guess it could actually be called an Indoor Flea Market. I purchased a set of mini chickens. A Hen and Rooster.
The store is in Westby and it used to be an old Tobacco Warehouse.

On our way back through Viroqua, we stopped at Driftless Books and Music.

This was probably our best stop of the whole week. Books, books, and books. Oh yes, lots of music also.

I spent $11 dollars and bought two mysteries, a philosophical book and a book on backpacking.

I think finding odd stores and thrift stores are fun. I know I'll go back for some more books soon. 

Staying...un-focused.

I keep hitting snags in the latest book writing adventure.  Actually.

I just lose focus and go off on a tangent.

I delve into Mandelbulb 3D and get entangled in creating something special.

Or I take a daily challenge in JWildfire and work on producing something else....

Oh wait!
I need to take a hike and see what the creek looks like for my 'Creek Photo Project'

Whoops.
Back to writing.
Chapter 4... 
Damn, I've got to edit some photos so they go along with the book!

But wait!
The animals need their stock tanks filled, I need a breath of fresh air.

I walk by my collection of very cool skulls that I've been 'meaning' to do something with for the past few years.
I have an excellent coyote skull.  Nearly perfect except I lost 3 teeth in the cleaning process.

So I stop to read about how to preserve this nice skull.

Next thing I know.

I'm hand painting them.

And then I put them on the Christmas Chair.

One raccoon skull beaded and one the other one just painted.

Someone said I was creepy.  Heck, I like bones.  Skulls are just a reminder that nature goes in cycles.

So...back to the book.
Wait.
Stop.
Hmmm, homemade chicken noodle soup sounds so delicious doesn't it?

So...back to the book...
and back to painting...
or...
wait a minute.

What was I supposed to be doing?

That is me, staying totally un-focused.

The editing of Where's Happy?

With the 'demise' of one of the most favorited toys in our house, I had an idea strike me up alongside the head...literally.
I'd been out of ideas for another book in the line of Morris's Children's Books.

But when I could not find an exact look alike for Happy the Hedgehog and one of my grandchildren had bought Morris a brand spanking new Hedgehog toy...remarking apparently that this new Hedgehog could be Happy's cousin...and....and...
my grandaughter picked up a Frog Toy which quickly became Morris's second favorite toy...

It suddenly started coming together.

Morris wakes up one morning and finds out that Happy the Hedgehog is NOT in the toy-box.  Crazy the Squirrel and Terrible Tiger decide to meet on 'the rock' to discuss where could Happy have gone?  Morris was so sad, they had to do something.

They heard of a Wise old Creature in the Deep Deep Woods that was a Mysterious Old Frog that may be able to help them...

 

So another adventure begins.  Will they find Happy?  What will the Mysterious Old Frog tell them?
What will they have to do?
What awaits them?

Stay tuned! 

I'm using Topaz and Photoshop Elements 5.  In this 'book', I'll be trying to create composites of photos for the effects and illustrations I would like to have appear in the book.
I will rely heavily on layers and going over tutorials by Topaz Labs for ideas.