It suddenly

seems very weird not to be abiding by a busy schedule of visiting Home Health people and setting up meds for the day. 

Sleeping at night without interruptions was easier to get used to.

It is strange to be able to make a 'coffee' date with a friend without checking out my back up schedule.

However, Charlie is enjoying the morning walks again. There is something about being able to greet the day while walking down a quiet gravel road and looking out onto the ridge.

Monday was the day to go to the funeral home and make the rest of the arrangements final with my step daughter.

One of the more difficult things in life I think is...is to write an obituary. Apparently there are rules to follow for the genealogy folks with a long long list of who is who and who was who.

It is well known that I'm not one to follow the rules. I don't in photography, so why should I do it in other things? 

I did open his obit with the 36 years with Fred the mule and 30 years with his wife line. So many of the his friends from Missouri and Iowa wrote how they knew Fred and Rich and how awesome they were together. [Insert a huge laugh for that!]

The rest will be as Rich wanted it. Simple and very short.

We will be having a 3 hour mingle and visit with some flowers that Steph picked of yellow roses and wheat, barley, and oat sprigs with a nod to the huge influence of equine in her dad's life. Photos of his life will be on a big screen and there will be some 'finger' food. 

Somehow I made it through to this stage and am working on the next stage which is dealing with the VA and finding places for things like new hearing aid batteries, along with medical devices that I can donate to others.

My adjustments will be slow, but I will find my footing again. My grief and sorrow will stay with me forever I hope. I feel him with me every single moment in a good way.

Richard, my love

Richard Ewing

1949 to 2025

Richard Ewing. 

Rich was often referred to by friends as the Muleman. He loved mules. He got along with them so well because he was ~~~ just like them.

He had a 36 year relationship with his mule, Fred. He had a 30 year relationship with his wife Val.

Rich could be difficult to say the least. He was always open and honest about how he felt on any subject and you knew where you stood with him. His heart was big. He could be stern and loving in the same moment.

He knew during his last time in the hospital that he never wanted to spend another minute in one. He requested to enter Hospice because in his words, "I want to go home to my Silly Dog Charlie and my Grumpy Wife, Val.

What can I say about Rich? I met him on the Richland Center Wagon train. I learned his mule's name first. He had the best pickup lines in the world.

He rode up and introduced Fred and then told me I had a fine looking mare. His next comment was hilarious. He told me "that mare would make a fine looking mule momma". I was stunned and entranced by the gnarly cowboy on the little mule called Fred.

The first time I visited his house, he took me up through enchanted forest path to an open meadow that was glowing in the evening sun.

I turned to him and said: I've just found home.

Rich loved his animals. One could say he even collected them. 

When I moved in with him my future mother-in-law was so happy. She told me with a glint in her eye, "I'm so happy that I don't have to do Richard's laundry or clean his house any more. He's got you now!"

He bought me a young mule to train instead of an engagement ring. What a romantic he was. Even better was the profit he made when he sold the mule.

I don't know what he was like as a dad and husband before we met. But I do know that I was lucky to join the Ewing family. He made my life brighter in many ways as he did with others that he touched. His laugh could be heard a mile away.

When it came to his grandkids, he felt he perhaps could have second chance at doing things right. He felt he wasn't good enough the first time around. Maybe he could fix things with the next generation. He was deeply touched by all of his grandkids. He loved them all fiercely.

He loved mule riding, his hound dogs, fishing and hunting. He was the quintessential outdoor guy. 

He thought he'd teach me about coon hunting. One night and I was hooked. Though it came with a price. While selling the furs he would often tell a funny story.

He winked at me as he said, "Oh yup, I take Val with me quite often, she is a good dog handler. She really took to it. I do have a problem though."

He'd take a long dramatic pause as he sucked on his Old Gold. "You see, when the coon comes down outta the tree she gets right in there with the dogs and pretty soon she's got it in her mouth just a growlin' and a shakin' it like you wouldn't believe. I've had to get after her since I don't want her to wreck the hides!"

He suffered Moral Injury from his time in Vietnam which changed his whole life after he came home from overseas.

He struggled with severe and chronic PTSD along with incurable Major Depression Disorder. Through all that, he was an incredibly loving partner. We felt we were soulmates as we could finish each others thoughts.

His life took a major change when he found out he had throat cancer. The major medical issues just kept on coming at a rapid pace following his treatment. For the last 10 years of his life, he struggled because he was no longer able to do the things he loved the most. It was hard for him to depend on me for everything when he prided his independence.

Rich no longer suffers from his wounded soul and health ailments. His wish was to be reunited with his father Lonnie and that doggone mule, Fred.

I'm pretty sure the they are together catching up on things now. Exchanging stories and belly laughs.  

Rich can finally rest in peace. 

Thank you to all of our friends and family for all of your support, not just now, but all along.

A special thanks to Steve Davidson and his family who made sure that Rich got out once a week to go fishing or for a drive. I do believe that made the last summer for Rich one of the best in years. 

Thank you to Emplify Hospice for all of their hard work and compassion. A very big thank you to my friends and neighbors who provided much needed back up.

Thank you Tammy for all of your patience and kindness you gave Rich while providing much appreciated Respite.

I think I can definitely say that Rich and Fred are out there hunting and fishing. One day I will join you again, my best friend and my soulmate.

Angels in Trees

 About Angels and About Trees

Where do angels
fly in the firmament,
and how many can dance
on the head of a pin?

Well, I don't care
about that pin dance,
what I know is that
they rest, sometimes,
in the tops of trees

and you can see them,
or almost see them,
or, anyway, think: what a
wonderful idea.

I have lost as you and
others have possibly lost a
loved one,
and wonder, where are they now?

The trees, anyway, are
miraculous, full of
angels (ideas); even
empty they are a
good place to look, to put
the heart at rest---all those
leaves breathing the air, so
peaceful and diligent, and certainly
ready to be 
the resting place of 
strange, winged creatures
that we, in the world, have loved.

~~Mary Oliver.

Little Distractions

We are still going through the process of end of life for my husband. 

However, I have so many quiet moments to do nothing in this stage. 

I'm not the sort of person who can simply sit and read all day. If it is sunny or nice out. I sit on the porch next to the window where Rich's bed is and well ~~ I let my mind wander and get creative to give my brain a rest from the stress.

Farmer Bob starts rounding up pumpkins for the fall harvest:

I was able to take my first walk in a week on Tuesday when Tammy came for Respite time. She has a special insight to being a Caregiver as she has worked in this field for 30 years. 8 months ago, she provided end of life care for her husband. 

She insisted that I take Charlie and GET out of the house. She insisted that I take my 'camera stuff' and go out away from the house. 

It felt a bit weird to walk out the door. Tammy promised to call or even honk her car's horn if there was a sudden change in anything. 

I stopped by the Highbush Cranberry Bush to see how the berries were proceeding.

I was mesmerized by studying the light and the berries themselves. I wanted to create/shoot something that would be stunning and memorable to me.

With a bit of camera trickery, using simple changes in position and exposures I managed to get two very different photos of this bunch of Highbush Cranberries. I used the centerfield split diopter filter for the above shot and a slight overexposure.

I took the filter off and changed my position and exposure to get this next shot of the same clump. I like this version best, it speaks of light/darkness/and glowing sunlight.

Accidently I did a shot while moving the camera. 

Then I decided to try an ICM shot. ICM stands for intentional camera movement. That means instead of being still while taking the shot, you move the camera. I had the funky filter on when I did it and loved the results.

The first one was very abstract, something I liked. But it didn't really show what I wanted.

Once more with adjusted settings. Now I can detect the trees and the colors.

Then I took a still photo and combined it with the ICM photo and this resulted.

For whatever reason, I enjoyed doing that. I did this freehand with no tripod as I rarely carry them.

I found some leaves turning red on a damaged wild plum tree from where the loggers had been knocking it about with their skidder or truck while loading logs. I used that funky centerfield split diopter lens once more. It produces a glow of color around the main subject which I'm enjoying at the moment.

I'm a curious photographer and will try many different things to produce an image. The plums from this tree were delicious, I gathered some each time I walked up the road last month and popped them out of their bitter skins into my mouth. The plums were the size of half dollar coins. 

After meeting with the Social Worker, Tammy sent me out again. I walked to a place where I'd take the neighbor kids to play. I found these rubbery somewhat posable robots I'd given them years ago wrapped in some low branches of trees. It was evident that squirrels or other critters had chewed on them.

I decided to bring them home to see if I could get creative with them.

As she left she handed me the toys we'd rinsed off. "I bet you can do something fun with them," she said.

Back out on the porch I went. I used a bit of toothpick magic to make them stand.

My Dancing Robots...

I wanted to be just like them and dance carelessly

in the succulent garden.

They showed me that there is happiness to be found 

and that I could smile at them.

They danced to their inner music with

so much joy.

And off they went hopping and twisting

dancing the day away.

Creating these little scenes while checking on hubby reminded me that there is still some joy in the world. [I haven't watched the news this week at all]

I'll keep these two around for moments of dancing, joy, and bliss.

These days we need something to smile about.

The Porch Guard:

And yes, he is feeling the stress and anxiety too. He is restless and cries often. He waits by the back door most mornings for Steve to show up now.

Or he lays on the couch so he can watch Rich.

Over the past 10 days there have been so many comings and goings. He also enjoys quiet time on the porch where he can just watch his domain from 'his' bench.

Photography and anything I can think up for a bit of creativity is what keeps me somewhat sane right now. The porch is an amazing sanctuary.

Catch up here...

 

For those who don't follow my  'The Long Road' blog which covers a totally different subject than what is found here I am taking a break from a lot of my fun exploring and photography fun.

Rich entered Hospice Care in March of this year and we've had one heck of a good summer fulfilling his Hospice Wish List. You've read often about Steve, Rich's fishing pal who has made weekly adventures possible for Rich and I.

Things changed over the Labor Day weekend and Rich took a huge down turn. Let's just say that my time outdoors has come to a screeching halt as I tend to hubby. He was placed on the 'Active Dying List'. We had a short 24 hr rebound and now are going through the rest of the process.

So I will be absent here for a bit, but filling in updates over 'there'. Writing about an experience has always been a cathartic exercise for me. It is no different for what is going on now. 

Things are quiet and peaceful here. 

The photo above was taken about 10 years ago with hubby riding out on a bluff with our mule Fred in the Spring when we were 'shed' hunting.

I'll leave it at that.

Fishing and a bit of IR fun.

Objects in the mirror....

one of my favorite Meatloaf songs was titled this...

When I go tripping by car either as a passenger or doing errands, I take my Infrared camera along.

Sure I might miss some cool stuff that could be taken in regular light. But I prefer a world that is wildly different.

AND..

yes, I pull over to take shots. 

Same road, different day, different view with a different light spectrum filter.
 

The neighbor's shed that live 1 mile away.

Finally, looking across the ridge to a beef farm.

The best days for infrared are those days with bright sunshine and clouds in the sky. A bonus are those days when I can find water included.

So fishing days are the best days for Infrared.

However....

During my rush to fix up a take a long bag, I accidently swiped my old IR camera off the bed and it crashed to the floor.

The camera survived. The little lens I'd purchased years ago, sadly, did not.

My IR filters are all for that lens which have 37mm threads. It is a general walk about lens that is not pricey and is super light. It shoots from 14mm-45mm. Perfect for most of my IR photography. 

I swapped out a 14-100mm lens with a 58mm threads and found some old colored filters and made the best of it.
Actually it was sort of fun.

Charlie went along and provided us with quite a bit of entertainment. He got to see his first fish and was super curious.

Steve and Charlie are infatuated with each other. Here Steve explains to Charlie all about worms.

Worms don't taste good.

But wiggly fish is another story!

Charlie had to inspect each fish caught thereafter. 

It was a great fishing day and we cleaned 8 nice little fish for our supper on Thursday night!

Thankfully, I looked on line and found a used replacement lens at a good price.

Making the most

...out of 4 hours off.

Finally. The weather has broken into something I can live with!

And... I didn't have to run errands when Respite Tammy came on Tuesday!

Instead, I decided to run away from home (figuratively). I wanted to run. You know, really run. 

I decided to take Charlie along. Did you know this little dog can boogie?

When I started down the trail, Charlie was game. He wanted to set the pace. Off we went onto Little Canada trail. A runner passed us going the other way and grinned at us. She was in her cutest running clothes. I was in my cargo pants and T-shirt with my running vest on and a long sleeve shirt tied to my waist.

I certainly did not look anything like an athlete. But watch out for old ladies in disguise.

I let Charlie set the pace and it was impressive for such a short legged dog. Our first mile was around 9 minutes. We did a walk/jog/run thing.

Sometimes I'd tear ahead of him grinning like an idiot and jumping over rocks and roots. Then I'd stop and wait for my buddy. 

Our first 3 miles went pretty quickly. Then we started to just hike with intermittent bursts of joyful speed. 

It was like dancing in a way. We had the woods and trail to ourselves.

I only took my smartphone and supplies in running vest. Charlie wore his beeper collar to prevent him from running off into the woods after a chipmunk. 

I didn't take photos of all the damage done to the trees from that last horrible wind and rain storm. Places along the trail were littered with tops of trees, roots, branches, and areas where a crew had to work for a long time to recover the trail.

Thank you KVR crews, you are as always, awesome.

By mile 3 we slowed down quite a bit. My purpose in covering the first half or so quickly, was so that Charlie and I could look around on our way back through the loop. 

I have 4 hrs. 

There is a 25-30 minute travel time there and back. 

The trail when hiked slowly to look for things can take at least 3 hours. More, if there are a lot of cool things to look at. I had to time things out. Run or hike quickly --- and explore when I saw something.

Of course I brought mini me and mini Charlie.

Since I don't do selfies on the trail, we did mini shots.

Since most of this summer has been too hot for Charlie to get out and hike with me [and I have had very limited time to hike], he got tired. I tied my sleeves of my shirt in a knot and made a sling over my neck for Charlie to rest in. It is easier to carry him that way.

I may look into designing a sling for him out of some long scarves I have.

Charlie is often a good reminder not to be in a rush all of the time.

When we got home, he was tired.

We did it!

So he got some time to chill out in his favorite place.... our little hammock.

Good day...

and Happy International Dog Day on August 26th!