Progress!

Well a few hours at a time does wonders. This is not an All Day type of job you can do.

When I run into a road block of where to put things or what to do with 'stuff',  I have to walk away and take a break.

Three days ago this little part of the shed just inside the doorway was filled with scrap metal and other chunks of wood and things stacked so deep that I couldn't get to what was hanging on hooks. It slowly accumulated over the years as I found parts of projects and whatnot that got tossed there.

Now? I can see the wall! I even moved the sweet feed tub up to the door so I don't have to walk to the other end of the shed for it.

The little blue tub has some scrap in it that I intend on tossing in the Subaru and taking to the dump.

This spot below is where the stalls used to be.

 Same place but a few days later .....
The tractor is still to the right, no way I can move it.
I have to move all the plywood and the boards. We stacked small bales here on top of wood for a few years. The bolts are still in the wall for the stall panels so I intend to put it back in the same place.

This is the pile of metal that is giving me fits...
I'll need the skid steer bucket to move this stuff.
Rich finally conceded that perhaps it should be scrapped.

Well I guess he is right. It has sat there collecting dust for about 8 years.

One more shot of a sort of before ... photo.
Although I've done a lot of work on it already.

If you can see the tires stacked up...I put them there. They are wheels and tires that go to Rich's truck. Well, not sure what to do with them. The other tires are going to be sorted, the good trailer tires will get sold and the old crappy ones will be recycled.

The line is where the stall panel will go. That large window is too heavy for me to move so it can stay there until I have help, but I need to move the wood from where the stall will be to that pallet and up against the side there...
well, that is the plan.

It may change.
I have already made huge progress. I have cleaned out the area where all the halters and ropes were kept. I can reach that stuff now!

So a few hours a day have gotten me far along in the project. I could use some more help I suppose, but it doesn't seem I have any willing volunteers.

I may have visitors the next couple of weekends. Would it be wrong of me to ask for some extra hands?
I know they expect to be taken on hikes, but ...
Well there you go.

So you got photos of the ugly shed. It will get better!

The next project

I should take photos of what I am doing. A before... and some in between shots of progress.

I got tired of the 'waiting' for things to happen. Rich kept saying that he was going to get out to the shed and organize things.
In truth, since his stroke, he hasn't had any interest in going out there except when he was to use the skid steer to plow.

Last year the Pulmonary Emboli set him back again. And now? He hasn't ventured to the big old shed at all. I don't think it is a good place for him now anyway with his lung damage. It is dirty, dusty, bird poop, mouse poop, and ... well you get the point. Dirt and dust have a way of accumulating.

In the shed---- once upon a time--- Rich started to work on an Allis Chalmers tractor. He pulled part of the engine out. And then decided to find a larger one at an auction. He did find one and used it for a long time. Until he decided he wanted a skid steer. So he got a tiny one from another fellow that lasted for about 8 hrs before it broke down. He started to take that apart until he decided it was too hard to fix.

Now we have a pretty nice skid steer. It can do the jobs of either old tractor and the tiny skid steer. One tractor and one skid steer have become fixtures in the shed. Along with a Toyota pickup he purchased for hunting. It needed a master cylinder. It still needs that but hasn't run since he parked it there.

Indeed. We can't move that! The bed of that truck is where fencing supplies got stacked.
There are broken down boxes of all sorts of huge bolts pails of nails, light fixtures, metal chunks of 'stuff' plastic pvc pipes and a bit of this ... and that scattered everywhere.

I want to put a stall back in the shed for the elder mules this winter. I was pretty amazed how organizing 'stuff' can open up space. I decided to go on a hunt and gather long pieces of metal...I've been moving all of it to one part of the shed. Aluminum in one section and other metals in another.
Eventually I just stacked and decided not to separate things. I just wanted to move the stuff.

I collected all the shovels and put them in a huge plastic barrel. I have more shovels than I can ever use!

Before this year, the 'stuff' in the shed was off limits to me. It was Rich's personal man space. Now I have told him what I was doing and he just looks at me.

The guy I used to know would have had a cow if I organized HIS stuff. This guy seems vaguely aware that I am doing something. He has asked me not to throw things out.

Well, the scraps of metal will get loaded and taken away.
As will the old tires.
But my neighbor and I had a discussion about the 'stuff'. He said he'd been at auctions where ... he waves at the stack of metal is leaning, the wood that is leaning against another wall, and the buckets of bolts....along with rolls of barbed wire....
"People go nuts for this stuff! Sell it at auction!"


He has a point. I've seen used T posts sell for more than what a person can buy them new.

I am wearing a dust mask. When I peel back an old tarp to reveal a prize underneath it...I am amazed and the air is turned into a cloud of nasty un-breathable dust.
I knew my husband collected things he purchased at auctions and I always cringed when he came home and unloaded his precious cargo into the shed.
It has been an ongoing fight since he started to fill the shed after filling the small shed and the garage. I called it crap, he called it useful stuff. And once in a while he'd prove it to me too.
Something would need fixing and he'd disappear into one of the buildings and come out with the parts that would were needed. Or he'd grab some metal and cut and weld it, fabricating a custom hay fork for the skid steer, or modifying a plow.

The garage was crushed by falling trees 6 years ago. That is a project that will have to be hired out. It too is on my list.

The shed was supposed to be an indoor riding arena for me. That really never happened.

Maybe one day yet? Well. After an auction, that is. Lots of treasures are in that shed!

I am very happy though that the other end of the shed has plenty of open space for our winter hay.

I guess I need to take some photos of the place. Be prepared, it is ugly!

I figured this would be a good October-November project. I'm sort of wondering if I bit off more than I could chew. However, I'd like to create enough space to park the lawn mower, the 4 wheeler and the working skid steer in the shed and have enough room to lead mules in and out and of course pull out my sled of hay and sweet feed each day.

I'm even looking forward to the day when I can park my Subaru and Truck in there. At once time we could park everything inside.

I will be happy with just getting the stall set up before the weather turns really bad.

Dust mask, gloves, and coveralls! Yipee!

One year later...

CrossFit, what has it done for me in one year?

I've tried to be true to workouts, I admit I've missed them for one type of reason or another.

But more often than not I do make them. Well, except for those 3-4 weeks after getting attacked by a fan in the middle of the night...

What has changed?

My attitude towards exercise has changed. At one point I thought I could stay in great shape by hiking hills
and doing physical labor.
I realize that the intense work outs have changed my overall health from good to
Amazing.

Less than two years ago, my doctor had said that my blood pressure was nearing a point of intervention with medication.
My blood pressure is fantastic and the results were pretty evident only after a couple of months of working out.

I always thought I was in pretty good shape. After all, I do hike and walk.
Yesterday I went on a hike to a place I hadn't been to in two years. I walked up a steep hill with my dog in tow and was rather surprised at how easy the hill was. In fact I stopped at the top and looked back.
Really? Was this the same hill that I huffed and puffed up the last time?

What is better?

Two years ago I was diagnosed with some fairly significant arthritis in my hands. The thumb joints were bad enough that physical therapy made a brace for me. I was given mobility exercises.
When I started with CrossFit, I still had issues with my hands.

Oh, CrossFit didn't cure me. However, I have a much better grip now than two years ago. I can actually do a handstand, not for long, but I can do it.

I can now do pull ups with a band from the rig. For real. I can.
My hands have good grip and my shoulders feel unbelievably strong.

My legs have always been strong, at least I thought so.
Squats, Goblet squats, lunges, running, box jumping, ... and jumping rope have all increased my endurance and strength.

My balance has improved. Except when attacked in the middle of the night by a Killer Fan of course.

My mental attitude has improved.

I can do chores at the farm so much easier.
Pounding fence posts.
Moving logs off from fences.
Physical labor is welcomed and not feared.


I have made so many wonderful new friends at CrossFit.
Everyone I have worked out with have always been positive
and supportive.

What is worse?

I don't think this is really 'worse' but I had to add this here.

When I was in college I could run a 5:50 mile.
I ran a 9 minute mile as part of a workout.

Hmmm, wait. When I ran that mile at a college meet I was 19.
The 9 minute mile was when I was 63. Ok, there is a 44 year difference.
Not...worse. But I think I can improve that time.

So there is no 'worse'.

What have I learned?

I have learned to use my core muscles. I never understood how important
this was.

I have actually learned how to do a back squat the right way!
I learned that an EMOM is not 'E-mail your mom', it is
Every Minute on the Minute.

WOD is not a wad of Red Man in a farmer's cheek.
It is Workout of the Day.

A Box is not something from Amazon.
It is a barebones gym.

Tabata?
A cat's name?
No, but I'm still not exactly sure on that. I think it is a mix up of things we do for warm ups. Tabata can be intense.
I still think it would be a cool cat's name.

Sumo Dead Lift?
I like this move.
It is hard to describe but now that I understand it, I call it the 'Tire Lift'.
Excellent method to picking up discarded farm tires and stacking them up.

Goblet Squat?
I like this one too. I pretend that the Kettle Bell is a Goblet of
Gold.

Double Unders?
I wish I could do these.
The jump rope goes under you twice on one jump.
I just smack myself.
I'll get it one day!


What is next?
The best part of this is I can continue to compete against myself and strive to
make my life better. I've found myself making healthier meals and healthier choices in my life.

Here is to many more years of CrossFit.

I don't know what for....

It is the nature of the stone to be satisfied.
It is the nature of the water to want to be somewhere else.
~~ Mary Oliver.

It is no secret that I am a fan of Mary Oliver. I have purchased two of her books of poetry. I keep finding parts of her writings that seem to speak to me personally. Of course, I know that she did not write for just me...but to the general public of course.

How do I want to be remembered once I am no longer around? 

I know. Morbid thoughts, right? However I am in a close relationship with two people that are living slow deaths. My MIL has dementia, suspected Alzheimers and my husband was diagnosed with Vascular Dementia from his stroke in 2017. My MIL has marked memory loss and cannot function safely with her health issues safely outside a skilled nursing facility. 
My husband does function fairly well. But eventually he too will fall into 'slippage'. 

How invisible are the elderly and infirm. 
Yet how delightful they still are.

And when is it my turn?
I mean, I can't help but wonder, right?

When it is over, I want to say: all my life
I was a bride married to amazement.
I was the bridegroom, taking the world into my arms.

When it is over, I don't want to wonder
if I have made of my life something particular, and real.
I don't want to find myself sighing and frightened,
or full of argument.

I don't want to end up simply having visited this world.
~~ Mary Oliver

I have a collection of her works handy with sticky notes from something I find each time I read through her different works. I mark the place and leave a short not as to how it feels to me.

So begs the question. Will I make an impression on this world? Or my small surroundings? And does it really matter in the end?

And do I really care? 
I go into 'Nature' at least once a day as I explained recently to an ex co-worker. 
I find a way to make 2 hours available to myself in the afternoon to go for a walk or hike. I do it for the fresh air and because for 2 hours I am not caring for another, or planning...

For two hours I am 'mind free' of distractions and have only perhaps Charlie and Sven to keep track of, where my next step is, rock hopping across the creek
listening to the song of the water over the rocks
discovery
wonder
life



Yes. I think that is what Mary Oliver found too. She had poetry to express herself in eloquent words.

I have the camera to express myself.


I think that is good enough.

I leave you with this excerpt from Mary Oliver's poem
1945-1985: Poem for the Anniversary

The way I'd like to go on living in this world
wouldn't hurt anything, I'd just go on
walking uphill and downhill, looking around,
and so what if half the time I don't know
what for--

And I think that sums it up perfectly.

My favorite County Park

These are two views of the wing dam area that was breached by the storms last year.
I believe there is some debate going on as to whether or not this lake and dam will be fixed again.

I can say that this has probably been one of Vernon County's most popular parks. It has a picnic pavilion and below that it had a refurbished beach that was extremely popular with the residents of the county.

The lake was stocked and the beach and the small fishing docks were almost always in use. Kayaks, canoes, and small fishing craft with electric motors were almost a constant on the lake.

There was an upper trail and lower trail that was closer to the shore for those who wished to fish from the bank. Or in my case, hike along and look for turtles.

Now parts of the trails are missing and washed out. The upper trail is mostly intact but closed in some spots as the steep banks have large cracks in them and are deemed unsafe to hike on.

I wanted to hike from the wing dam to the north side of the Valley. It used to take Morris and I almost 2 hrs to hike the 3 mile trail. This trail was probably the most popular trail all year for runners and for those who had dogs. In the winter parking is at the top of the valley and a person has to hike in from the gate.

These are photos from the trail to the north end of the lake where the south fork of the Kickapoo River comes in.

I'm happy to say that this trail is intact and one can go all the way around to the snowmobile bridge and cross the river.

I turned around here and I will have to return to try the trail from the other side and see how it held up.

Half way around the lake there is a small trail that leads down to the shore. It used to be a popular spot to hike to and fish. Now it leads to the 'new' north end of the lake.
From up above it looks rather intriguing. It is river bottom now and not a lake bottom.

This is the place I really want to explore. There are a series of tiny waterfalls and places where the river rushes over the new valley floor that look very interesting.
However I didn't have time to go down and look around.
I knew that if I did, I'd lose track of time.

I made a mental note to come back soon. Hopefully later this week.

The unexplored trails are calling to me in my favorite park!

Slippage

Brain Disease.
Doctors call it Alzheimers or Dementia.
It is a brain disease.

The brain is a functional organ that is the hard drive for our bodies.
When the brain misfires it begins to have Bad Sectors and cannot be rebooted or reset. Portions of memory files are misplaced or become corrupt and lost in in the recycle bin to be lost forever. The brain slips a bit like a vinyl record with a bad scratch. It is not fixable. Files keep slipping away and taking memories with them.
The brain eventually forgets how to tell the rest of the body how to function.  The 'hard drive' begins to have terrible issues as time moves on, more functions are lost.

Well at least this is how I have come to understand Dementia. I decided that since I have to live with that ugly word, I would make it less ugly and call it Brain Slippage.
I've had to explain my MIL's condition more than once to a relative. The best thing I could come up with has been the analogy to the computer's hard drive and system of files.

Once the computer's hard drive is so full of gaps and holes, the rest of the functions no longer work.

I just finished reading The Last Ocean, A Journey Through Memory and Forgetting by Nicci Gerrard.

If you have an aging partner or parent, it is a worthy read. We can never truly understand how memories and the brain function, but the author show us how compassion and caring are so important. How we should not let those with Slippage become unseen and forgotten people.

Are we truly made up of our memories? What happens when those memories are no longer? Are we then something or someone else? What defines us?

These are questions the author asks us.

When I visit with my MIL. I see slippage. What was reality a year ago or even just months ago is no longer. She has lost 10 years of memories which is fine because she is perfectly happy recalling her house on the ridge and not the apartment she moved into.
Will she recall her great grandchildren? Probably as they are something that may be more important in her file system.
She knows me and sometimes I am younger in her mind and sometimes I am in the present.

Does it matter to her? No, she is perfectly happy or so she thinks. She asked me to show her a photo of the building she used to live in. She said someone told her she used to live there. I brought it up on my phone and showed it to her.
She shook her head.

Nope. She couldn't picture it at all. Couldn't recall what the apartment looked like either.
But the house on the ridge, do you recall that?

Oh yes!
I asked if it bothered her at all not recalling the apartment. And she looked me straight in the eye and asked me:

Why would it?

Indeed.
Don't try to convince her that she HAS to remember. That is such a big mistake with those that have slippage. Don't force what they cannot recall.

Trying to make her recall things that have drifted away is only an irritant. It does nothing to make her day happier.
Bingo makes her happy.
Painting class makes her happy.
Meals make her happy.

Visits from loved ones make her whole world. It brightens the day by day routine of eat, sleep, nap, get wheeled somewhere, and look out a window or stare at a wall.

I don't mind it when she falls asleep while I am visiting. I sometimes hold her hand just to be with her. Sometimes I wait for a while and then give her a hug and leave.
She loves hugs.

One day her memory of me may slip into the recycle bin and be lost.

Water and butterflies....

I knew that the next two days were going to be filled with water coming down in copious amounts.
As in 2-4 inches of rain. So I went for an afternoon walk to check on the cool fungi and 'enjoy' a record breaking hot day of 87 degrees with incredible humidity.

 The shot above and below is the same fungi, two days apart!

And then because it rained so much yesterday, I thought I'd have some fun ...
the NOAA said waters, creeks, and streams would be dangerous ....

Indeed.

And by yesterday afternoon after doing a house deep cleaning...I sat on the porch...

....and watched a lone Monarch on my last few zinnias....