Monday, July 18, 2016

Giving Directions in the car: Married Life

I'd convinced my husband to take a short side trip out to a State Natural Area the other day when he had to go to the VA Clinic in Baraboo.
He was reluctant and almost petulant. I offered to drive and got a curt "NO!"

So he asked me how to get to Baxter's Hollow.
I directed him rather easily for a 10 mile detour on back roads.
When we left Baxter's Hollow, he insisted on not backtracking but that I guide him through the backroads to home.
There is no straight good route from Baxter's Hollow towards home. It does not exist.

I like paper maps, but didn't have one in the car. However I did have the Garmin so I turned it on and examined the roads shown. My last trip home from Baxter's Hollow was by Miss Garmin, and I didn't like 'her' directions one bit.

Me: Turn right off from this road onto County C.
Him: County C? We came in on County C. 
Me: Yes. We can go west on C. Or if you'd like, backtrack.
Him: NO! I thought you knew how to get out of here!
Me: Yes. Drive!

County C is a twisty up and down around type of road. It is rural and surrounded by woods and cropland. It sometimes twists back on itself.

Him: We keep turning around and making loops.
Me: County C is twisted, yes, I agree.
Him: Got a shorter route?
Me: Nope.

I grip the door handle as he bullets through a long curve. 
Me: Want me to drive?

Him: NO, you drive too slow.
Me [thinking...I drive so we can survive the trip]: Okay, we watch for County PF.
Him: P S?
Me: No, P as in Pony and F as in... [the only word I can think of that starts with F is a cuss word so I pause.]

Him: Well what is it P what?
Me: P as in Pony, F as in Fred, Frank, Fruitless, Fudge...
Him: Oh, PF.
Me: Yes.
Him: Where does that go?
A cornfield whizzes by. I look out the window and at the Garmin. I move my fingers on the map and try to expand and contract the map. It is frustrating.

Me: It goes to County Road D, which goes to County Road W, which takes us to Highway 23 south of Loganville.
Him: [big sigh and grunt, he is not a happy camper]

I look up and we are barreling towards an intersection.
Me: Stop sign.
Him: Oh [applies brakes] Yeah, I see it.

I press my foot through the floor on my side and sigh. Note to self, don't take side trips with husband unless he is more willing next time. And get a paper map for the car.

Him: Now where is this PF road, how far is it?
Me: Um, up ahead, just keep going.
Him: How far?
Me: I don't know.

Him: Why not you have that Garmin thing, doesn't it tell you?
Me: No, I'm not routing through the Garmin, just using the map. Miss Garmin took me on the craziest roads last time through here.

I sigh and hang on for another sweeping curve. The scenery is beautiful and very scenic. The sky is amazing.
We come up on PF.

Him: Which way? 
Me: North
Him: You sure? [he must doubt my navigation skills]
Me: Yes.
Him: North Freedom should be north of here.
Me: It is, north and east of here.
Him: North?
Me [big internal sigh]: Yes.

Him: How far is North Freedom?
Me: Far enough to be out of our way.

He takes off like we are trying to get the pole position at the Indy 500.
Me: What is the big yank?

Him: I want to get home before dark.
Me: It won't get dark for hours.
Him: Grunt.
Me: Enjoy the drive, the scenery is beautiful.
Him: Grunt, sigh.

Me: Here is D, follow D, it takes us to W then it is only 1.5 miles to Highway 23.
Him [Points to a sign]: Why not that road, it says 6 miles to Loganville.
Me: Because I think the better route is this way and it is still 6 miles to Loganville.
Him: Huge Sigh.

Mario Andretti takes off again. I look around looking for some formula cars. I check our hood to see if we have a sponsor. Nope.
We pass an Amish buggy. They don't have a sponsor or a formula buggy. Just one horse power.

We get onto W and as we ride the roller coaster road, I can see the end in sight. I won't have to navigate for him anymore.

Me: See! [I say proudly], there is Highway 23!
Him: Took long enough.
He signals to go north to Loganville. He knows all the backroads from there.

I am exhausted, but keep one foot on my pretend brake and one hand on the door handle.
Maybe our sidetrip wasn't worth it.

Me: Next time I want to go to Baxter Hollow or Pine Hollow, I'm going alone.
Him: Fine. Get a paper map.

I am convinced. Lesson learned. Husband doesn't like getting directions nor does he like last minute changes to anything he has going on.

1 comment:

  1. And sometimes, it doesn't make any difference what you do!