I am a sibling who lives far from my own mother. So I can understand this quite well. In fact I will probably say that I am guilty of being 'off the hook' when decision will be made regarding my mother.
There is more too it than that of course.
This weekend after months of trying to get my mother in law to accept help and care, she had a fall in her apartment and was admitted to the hospital. I am not going into the family dynamics but I did start wondering what the heck was going on?
Quoted from Family Conflicts over Elder Care
"1. Injustice
When one sibling shoulders a disproportionate burden of Dad or Mom’s care, that sense of unfairness can foster resentment. Often, by virtue of distance, the siblings who live further away are “off the hook” when it comes to caring for an aging parent, while the nearest siblings are obliged to take on a caregiving role. When the caregiving sibling asks for help from other siblings, the other siblings often don’t fully appreciate, or choose to ignore, how much help their parent needs, and how much work one sibling is doing."
These articles have some incredible information in them.
I guess I'm just going to leave this entry as it is and say that my mother in law is being evaluated and it is time for the family to get together and help make some decisions. As a CareGiver for my husband I understand that my mother in law needed care a while ago.
However, legally no one can force another person to seek medical attention if they refuse or help if they refuse. My last resort was going to be calling the Vernon County Aging Unit and report Adult Protective Services to intervene where I was not allowed. My mother in law had denied she needed assistance or even medical care.
After the fall, we now as a family are forced to figure out how to approach the conversation that no one has really wanted to have.
Life is interesting.
More fun stuff after we get through this next phase.
It seems that this can't be avoided in most families. Talking about it long before the parent needs help can make a difference and they feel like they have had a say. Although, I do realize that when things get tough, cooperation goes out the window. Hope things work out.
ReplyDeleteOh my, now decisions have to be made. Elder Care is a different ball of wax...best of luck:)
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