I had an 'interesting' week. Most of the week felt like it was a half a bubble off. Ever have one of those weeks?
Some good things happened and so did some very bizarre things.
We all understand about CareGiver Stress, well, perhaps everyone doesn't. However last week during a meeting with our CareGiver social worker via the VA's version of Zoom, the social worker referred me to a counselor to help deal with some of the things I've been dealing with this winter.
The VA now offers counseling to CareGivers one on one in their own homes. Before this, I would have to seek out counseling in my home town. There is the stigma of admitting that you have stress while caring for someone along with trying to find one place that would actually take the insurance offered by Medicare and ChampVA is an incredible challenge in itself.
I said YES, please! This winter has been difficult.
I try not to share my 'difficulties' here. So I really won't go into it. However I recognize the symptoms of it all. I want to be Snarky every time I'm asked to help him, is not a good feeling. I get riled at the least little thing and want to yell and immediately feel guilty because it really is NOT his fault!
Wednesday was awesome. I went with a friend on a nice easy hike along the paved section of old hwy 131 on the Kickapoo Valley Reserve.
Part of the way through the hike I started to have dark brown floaters in my one eye. The 'good' eye. I've had this before in 2021 in the opposite eye. It is freaky. Think about dropping food coloring into a glass and watching the dye float about in the water. Then think about that being what you see in your vision.
When I looked at the sky around me, I could clearly see the floaters and knew it was from a Vitreous Hemorrhage. That sounds terrifying. However, I was told that sometimes the Vitreous has a little pull on it in older eyes and there is a tiny bleed. The eye doctor told me NOT to go to the ER, but to call they eye clinic and get in. ER's don't call in eye doctors or have the equipment to look into your retina.
Thankfully, I did get an appointment for the next morning.
I had the exam and this eye doctor was hilarious. He looked deep into the eye to check to see if I had a tear in my retina or a detachment.
His commentary was hilarious. "Ohhhhh Ahhhh Nice! You did a great job! This tiny tear is in the Best Spot! Right next to the Optic Nerve! I think we need to take a picture of that so you can see it!"
What causes it? It can be age. It can be because I've had eye surgeries before, it can be possible that I sneezed and did it...or it just happened on its own.
What does it look like? I tried looking all over the internet and no good examples came up. So I went into a program and created what I see right now. Speckles and floaters that never stay still and sometimes interfere with what I am trying to read. They wiggle around every single time you look at something.
This is perhaps like just a few molecules of seepage from the little tiny blood vessel in my eye. The molecules will reabsorb like they did in 2021. It takes time but is very annoying.
The big scientific words for what happened sound very scary: Posterior Vitreous Detachment. I will be seen in two weeks to have another look at it to see if it is healing up.
So this week, photography hasn't really been much fun nor has reading. However, I've gone about my daily business and am continuing to keep busy.
Typing this was a bit of a challenge, but now I am used to patterns floating through my vision. My brain says it is no big deal and so I am treating it that way.
Walking in the forest is nice because of all the brown colors the floaters are not bothersome and I can ignore them.
Onward to new adventures despite the coffee thingies in my vision!
Caring for someone dependent on you sure can be stressful. I'm glad you are getting help with that... and don't forget to breathe.
ReplyDeleteI have black floaters that appear randomly. My eye doctor said it isn't anything to worry about but it sure is annoying!
They are annoying! Just watch out if they change color to brown or come on suddenly in a different color.
DeleteThe first time it happened to me I totally had a freak out. Now I do get it checked to make sure I haven't torn something.
Especially since it does not cause pain!
I hear you loud and clear!
ReplyDeleteI found that while caregiving, I just lost friends (having moved), and didn't even have the energy to reach out knowing I needed help. I was i n a deep depression.
And floaters! Yes, indeed. They were so frightening until I had them checked out.
Oh that is so difficult. Thankfully my gym friends and some neighbors past and present are still there for me. Sometimes they help out and sometimes they are there for just some coffee and conversation which is a lifesaver.
DeleteGiving care to someone else is really tough if you have no back up.
Well, that's annoying! So glad it isn't a terrible thing and will likely heal. We all are different in what we share. I will write about pain, frustration and depression but I do try to keep it minimal. It may not always seem that way to others! What you do is exhausting and can lead to anger and resentment, even is unfounded. It's a natural response. It's good you can have a counselor to talk to.
ReplyDeleteOh I love it that you can talk about it freely. I did write about a lot of that on my other blog called The Long Road especially while dealing with hubby's health issues and depression.
DeleteI know certain family members may peek in here once in a while and I don't feel like addressing our issues with them in writing.
Thank you for being you and discussing what you go through.
LD.....Floaters were my problem this week but now they are gone. I go out in the my sun room with bright light and it is like bugs are invading. Caregiving is exhausting and one keeps thinking things will get better. You do have to have a release time at some point. I think some people are caregivers to all the people around them. I lost my first wife in 1980. I was caring for two young boys, my in-laws were a mess, my parents were a mess and i was required to help everyone else, not me. Being a school teacher meant eight hours a day keeping thing going beside. Stay strong and don't let it destroy you.
ReplyDeleteI do have constant floaters, what a pain. The color and intensity were a bit alarming. However now I can be assured that things are not worse.
DeleteCaregiving doesn't always get better. When a person has an illness that has no cure, the end is ... well, you know.
Helping yourself is so important!
I am glad you have outlets, friends, love of the forest, and a creative mind. There is no more horrible, heart breaking moment when you feel the frustration building up when you are "care giving" the trick is not letting show. That is sometimes really hard. That is all I can say about that.
ReplyDeleteTake Care,
Kaye
I am so glad you have this help available. I hope it all works out that you can get someone. I was my dad's caregiver after a stroke and it was infuriating (not his fault). He had two friends that would pick in up once in a while and take him out to eat - and trust me that could not have been a pleasant experience. I would have 2-3 hours I could go to my own house and have a meal alone with my husband. Just that little time away really recharged me. Caregiving is the most wearing job in the world. And now the eyes on top of it! Not Fair!!
ReplyDeleteWe are humans. Understandably this Winter was/is a hard one. I am glad you have another much needed and well deserved outlet. Anyone who judges has not walked in your shoes.
ReplyDeleteYour bear photo says it all.
I thought of you during my walk yesterday, with current colors seen in the woods. Floaters be gone!
Hi Val, sometimes it is all too much, so glad you can talk with someone. I am so sorry you have the vitreous detachment, Gene says it is very annoying but your brain gets used to it. I am mentally and physically exhausted, but I have to keep keeping on…just not yet. Thank you for your kind words. I appreciate them and you. Connie
ReplyDelete<3
DeleteI sure hope it keeps healing. The floaters can be so disturbing when they happen out of the blue and it looks like bugs flying in front of your face. Sometimes the people on the net doing their thing seem less sincere. My endocrinologist had to be so more credible that when we did the on line thing.
ReplyDeleteTrue, virtual meetings are not the same as face to face. I do think these folks can be helpful so I will give it a good try.
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