I had an interesting conversation with a friend of mine who lives in the southern part of the US. [She lives alone with her 3 dogs. It was her love of her Dachshunds that actually brought us together.]
What price do we pay in becoming elderly? What price did the Pandemic take on those folks who have health issues and have taken precautions since March 2020?
If being elderly wasn't bad before hand, it certainly is more so now. Isolation is one part. Older people are shunned by younger folks. I was as guilty as the next guy.
I started to understand how difficult it is for some to age in place when my MIL started to fail at recalling things and moving around. Her issues were mostly invisible until she had a fall.
I realized that my husband would not be able to be on his own if I were not here to take care of him. It is a sobering thought. If something happened to me, what would happen next? [Working on that.]
My friend in the south has no one. Her husband is gone, her son is gone, and her cousins she was close with are now gone too. She lives on her own and has dealt well with her health issues and is trying to keep up with life. She has no advocate to help her deal with working around her medical issues.
She has no one to help her deal with her insurance plan either. Sometimes the effort to work around the ins and outs of a medical plan is confusing and difficult. Reading an insurance plan is as clear as mud.
Years ago, I thought I'd start a private business in just helping others with their insurance billings and resolving issues. What I discovered was dealing with my husband's health was a full time job. It taught me a lot about dealing with doctors, getting approvals, and dealing with medical billings.
Thank goodness I had a degree in Medical Billing and Coding [it is obsolete now since so many things have changed, however it gave me insight as to the difficulties doctors and clinics face too].
I would love to see insurance simplified, but I don't have the answers.
So how is a person who has an insurance plan from the state of Massachusetts get coverage in the southern US? The words 'out of network' pop up. What does that means to the patient? How can that patient find out?
How does that person make an appointment in their local area to get treated for a pressing issue? Do they put it off because it is too complicated to get an answer? If they do, does that make their risk of a fall or risk of living independently so much worse? Where do they go for help?
I've found good help in working with ADRC who directed me to the county social worker for my MIL. That started the ball rolling that eventually helped with issues she had. I couldn't deal with all of her care at the time and deal with the care my husband needed too.
My brother was extremely active in caring and assisting my father as he aged and did an incredible job at being his caregiver.
People need advocates. Caregivers need breaks or they suffer horribly. Compassion Fatigue is real.
Yet there is no obvious help unless a person digs for it.
Elder care is exhaustive and difficult. Here is long, but very good article here at Vox. The subject is not a popular subject and the discussion surrounding elderly care is an uncomfortable one for many people.
So when my southern friend stopped talking to me on Sunday...and I could hear her crying I felt totally helpless. My heart strings broke. I was her weekly contact. She was lonely, she was
lonely...
And I could not fix it.
I did get her laughing before we signed off on our phone call and I asked her to please find out where the nearest senior center was to at least go and find some company.
No person should suffer that loneliness.
This crisis is growing. And I have no idea of how to fix it.
I've been told that I 'was' so 'lucky' to be able to quit work and stay home to care for my husband.
Hmmm. But my thoughts on that are for another day.
Let us not forget how to care....
So many thoughts on this. I was the one left in the same state as my parents. As a young working mother of 5, I was the only one in the same town as my 92 year old grandmother. Mud is the perfect description of health care services in this country. I was able to finally access supervised care for my grandmother when a nurse whispered to me in the hall that I could refuse to take custody of her from the Emergency Room. Keeping her overnight triggered a visit with a social worker. Fast Forward twenty years and my mother was diagnosed with ALS. After trying to put together care via google, it took a fall from her wheelchair resulting in an open fracture to hook us up with social services with home healthcare, necessary equipment, etc. The master plan had my husband retiring at 60 and my job providing insurance while i worked until 65. Until my dad's stroke when I had to resign my job at age 56 to provide round the clock care for him and learn to navigate veterans health services. I have worked hard to put my ducks in a row for myself and my husband. But everything changes every year. I have had enough issues with Medicare that I was invited to a zoom interview where I expressed my views on their website. I swear Medicare is continually made more complicated so that no one can understand it. I did not realize that after spending all that time and energy selecting supplemental plans, that the plans change every year and I would have to do it all over again. I understand those who just want to give up. Thank you for all you have done for others in the past and for all you are doing now for friends and family.
ReplyDeleteIt is incredible how difficult the rules are for negotiating through Medicare and of course the VA. We just spent an hour with a PCP that is local. I had to beg/cajole/and request through different channels to get a provider for general care locally.
DeleteSocial workers are absolutely life savors if they are good. I know I've gotten more done with them than with other professionals.
I had to quit my job too because of hubby's stroke.
I know exactly what you mean regarding the Medicare plans and Advantage plans and supplemental plans change each year. Imagine not being able to negotiate that mess?
You are wonderful to have done so much for your Grandmother, Dad, and Mom. You probably have a lot of insight to elderly care!
Tugs at the heartstrings! Sorry. You are a good person to keep making those treasured weekly calls. Hard to help your friend more, at such a distance.
ReplyDeleteElderly (lack of) care and compassion is a crisis for sure. SO much sadness. Navigating that part of life is not fun for most.
No one has figured out what to do with those of us racing towards becoming elderly. It will be interesting to see how things change or don't change in the coming years.
DeleteI know my friend is not the only one out there suffering through this dilemma.
At some point I imagine I will be walking in her shoes too.
:)
I also have many thoughts on all of this and don't know where to start. I just want to say thank you - for speaking about your concerns. I find myself struggling with motivation to get out of my chair and I am 70 and in pretty good health. I've had some challenges this first year of retirement. I have a lot to be thankful for.
ReplyDeleteMotivation is a huge issue indeed and you are so right to bring that up. That you for that.
DeleteEverything is clear as mud for sure. We are struggling with some issues with my parents at the present time, getting their home cleared out and ready for sale. Frustrating for sure. Sure hope I kick the bucket before I get really old. Seeing my parents struggle in their 90's I just do not want to be that old. You are a good friend and I am sure you are a great far away support system!
ReplyDeleteNo kidding. I am thinking that putting a plan in place for our future selves is something to consider also. Not even sure where to begin.
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